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Tuesday 18 March 2014

Top of the day | Top of the week | Top of the month | All time

Today, about 10 minutes into my first jog in months, someone in a car started following me, yelling stuff like "Oh my god, it's Shamu!" and "Run faster, fatty!" I ended up breaking down in tears before he finally sped off, roaring with laughter. FML

#21090080
222 comments

I agree, your life sucks (54952) - you deserved it (4665)

On 03/18/2014 at 3:44pm - health - by see you next cunt (woman) - United States

Today, my boyfriend stormed out after I suggested to him that his relationship with his mother is maybe a little weird. Apparently having regular, hour-long phone discussions about your penis is a perfectly normal thing for a 23-year-old to have with his mother. FML

#21089774
180 comments

I agree, your life sucks (53984) - you deserved it (6535)

On 03/18/2014 at 5:14am - intimacy - by tiredofcrazy (woman) - Australia

Today, while I thought I'd never had an orgasm, my doctor informed me that I'm actually having orgasms almost every time I have sex. They just feel like utterly frustrating, slightly painful, unpleasurable and completely unsatisfying muscle contractions. FML

Today, I found out why my dad always treated me badly as a kid compared to my siblings. It's because I was conceived while my mom was cheating on him. On top of that, he made it clear that he still doesn't consider me a "real" part of the family. FML

#21091901
144 comments

I agree, your life sucks (52713) - you deserved it (3114)

On 03/20/2014 at 4:23pm - kids - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Illinois)

Today, I went on my sixth date with a guy I was beginning to really like. He asked if I'd mind if his friend Pete met up with us afterwards. I said sure. Turns out "Pete" is his penis. FML

Today, my dad told me that I can't wear leggings on Friday nights, because, "your butt is too distracting for my poker buddies." FML

Today, I was at Walmart and had to use the bathroom. I sat down and farted real loud. I didn't realize someone was in there with me until I heard a voice say, "Dude, that was a good one." It was a man's voice. I then realized I was in the men's restroom. FML

#21095689
105 comments

I agree, your life sucks (48082) - you deserved it (12237)

On 03/24/2014 at 11:39pm - misc - by dani (woman) - United States (Ohio)

Today, my boyfriend told me he doesn't know what it's like to be turned on. Apparently, I've been doing something wrong for the past two years. FML

#21094011
98 comments

I agree, your life sucks (47349) - you deserved it (6672)

On 03/23/2014 at 1:31am - intimacy - by BustedEgo (woman) - United States (Maine)

Today, while we were having sex, my boyfriend asked me, "Who's your daddy?" I actually started thinking about my father. Total buzzkill. FML

Today, my dad took me to a bar for my first legal drink. He quickly got "drunk" and started slurring that I was an accident, saying the only reason I'm alive is because he'd been too poor to pay for an abortion. As I started crying, he burst out laughing and said soberly, "Just kidding, son." FML

#21092859
98 comments

I agree, your life sucks (45622) - you deserved it (5938)

On 03/21/2014 at 6:35pm - kids - by Anonymous (man) - Australia

Today, my husband actually tried to pay me to forget about the affair that he's been having. FML

#21092678
107 comments

I agree, your life sucks (45172) - you deserved it (3987)

On 03/21/2014 at 2:16pm - love - by Anonymous (woman) - United Kingdom (Kingston upon Thames)

Today, I found out my ex just got engaged to a girl he met 3 months ago, shortly before he ended our 5 year relationship. His reason for breaking up was that he didn't believe in marriage and couldn't be with someone who wanted to get married. Right. FML

#21089901
109 comments

I agree, your life sucks (44839) - you deserved it (3737)

On 03/18/2014 at 10:56am - love - by Anonymous (woman) - Japan

Today, the guy I've been dating told me with a wink that before he'll go on any more dates, he'd require me to take a series of "oral exams" to prove I'm right for him. I think he actually expected that to work. NEXT. FML

#21093699
107 comments

I agree, your life sucks (44746) - you deserved it (5793)

On 03/22/2014 at 6:01pm - love - by Anonymous (woman) - Canada (Ontario)



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