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Tuesday 31 December 2013

Top of the day | Top of the week | Top of the month | All time

Today, I woke up to my girlfriend masturbating beside me. I asked if she needed a hand. She called me a pervert and now won't speak to me. FML

#21015691
134 comments

I agree, your life sucks (58488) - you deserved it (6671)

On 01/03/2014 at 5:08pm - intimacy - by notsohandy (man) - Denmark (Midtjylland)

Today, I took my girlfriend out to a restaurant for her birthday. She had to go to the toilet while there, and when she came back, she was crying. When I asked why, she said "I'm on my period!" and sobbed loudly in front of everyone that we couldn't have birthday sex. FML

#21016986
171 comments

I agree, your life sucks (57623) - you deserved it (6156)

On 01/04/2014 at 8:08pm - intimacy - by Anonymous - United States (Illinois)

Today, I was at my girlfriend's house, and she was tickling me. It got a bit rough, and she fell out of bed and hit the floor. Her parents, thinking we'd been fighting, burst into the room to see her holding her bloody nose. She didn't say anything while her dad kicked my ass. FML

#21019231
171 comments

I agree, your life sucks (55727) - you deserved it (6874)

On 01/06/2014 at 4:32pm - misc - by innocent - Australia

Today, I got a text from my girlfriend. After only having sex once, where I wore a condom and didn't even get to come, she says that she's pregnant. FML

#21016853
225 comments

I agree, your life sucks (55594) - you deserved it (7452)

On 01/04/2014 at 5:26pm - intimacy - by fuckmuppeter512 (man) - United Kingdom

Today, I was T-boned at an intersection. My wife got pissed when I didn't immediately check on her, but rather the other driver. That other driver was my daughter. FML

#21012945
126 comments

I agree, your life sucks (51794) - you deserved it (4145)

On 01/01/2014 at 1:21pm - love - by Crashed - United States (Georgia)

Today, despite all of the pictures and proof of my fiancé, my parents still think I have an imaginary boyfriend. They met him, and were there when he proposed. They think it's all a joke. FML

#21017461
87 comments

I agree, your life sucks (50285) - you deserved it (3322)

On 01/05/2014 at 2:11am - love - by Fiancé problemsss - United States (Montana)

Today, my boyfriend wrote me a long poem that ended with, "Please don't get another mister / I regret I screwed your sister". FML

#21014860
114 comments

I agree, your life sucks (49921) - you deserved it (4097)

On 01/02/2014 at 10:50pm - love - by notakeeper - United States (Florida)

Today, I was at a baby shower with my wife. I went to go outside for some fresh air, but walked straight into their glass sliding door. Everyone stared at me. I smiled with embarrassment and walked back over to my wife, only to trip over my own feet and faceplant the floor. FML

#21018030
97 comments

I agree, your life sucks (49596) - you deserved it (6112)

On 01/05/2014 at 4:45pm - health - by stillhurting (man) - Canada (British Columbia)

Today, my girlfriend sent me a link to a Vine video in which she dumped me. FML

#21020871
83 comments

I agree, your life sucks (49355) - you deserved it (3905)

On 01/07/2014 at 11:21pm - love - by Jae_Hellyun (man) - United States

Today, I decided to do a little shopping at Victoria's Secret. The woman at the register smiled and asked, "Got a special someone to impress?" I told her that my boyfriend of three years was in town for New Year's and we haven't seen each other in months. Then I went home to my four cats. FML

#21013681
100 comments

I agree, your life sucks (49222) - you deserved it (9712)

On 01/02/2014 at 12:14am - intimacy - by Anonymous - United States (Georgia)

Today, my daughter started speaking with hashtags. I told her to knock it off, to which she replied, "You don't get it, mom - hashtag white girl probs." Hashtag FML

#21016204
157 comments

I agree, your life sucks (48478) - you deserved it (5058)

On 01/04/2014 at 1:06am - kids - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (California)

Today, I realised after showering that I didn't have a towel, so I thought I would risk a naked dash to my brother's room to steal one of his. He and his friend were in the room and both agreed that I needed a "trim". FML

#21019082
134 comments

I agree, your life sucks (48403) - you deserved it (20025)

On 01/06/2014 at 1:59pm - intimacy - by Anonymous - South Africa

Today, I was watching TV with my husband, and he started getting frisky. When the commercial break started, we started having sex. When he came, there were still two commercials left before the show resumed. FML

#21011750
140 comments

I agree, your life sucks (47449) - you deserved it (4827)

On 12/31/2013 at 4:19pm - intimacy - by erjazo (woman) - United States (Illinois)



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