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Friday 20 December 2013

Top of the day | Top of the week | Top of the month | All time

Today, my teenage daughter found out that she's pregnant, but insists she's still a virgin. Who does she think knocked her up? God? FML

#20996030
172 comments

I agree, your life sucks (56837) - you deserved it (7441)

On 12/17/2013 at 4:57pm - kids - by Anonymous (man) - Egypt

Today, I went to take a shower. When I turned it on, no water came out. Only ants. FML

#21006941
147 comments

I agree, your life sucks (56041) - you deserved it (3580)

On 12/27/2013 at 2:28am - misc - by anon - Canada (New Brunswick)

Today, I found out that my dad is actually my uncle, and vice-versa. FML

#20994621
178 comments

I agree, your life sucks (55519) - you deserved it (3181)

On 12/16/2013 at 12:49pm - misc - by confsused - Canada (Ontario)

Today, I realized how bad my depression has gotten when I caught myself fantasizing about suicide while having sex with my husband. FML

#20994372
164 comments

I agree, your life sucks (54513) - you deserved it (6520)

On 12/16/2013 at 2:55am - intimacy - by Anonymous (woman) -

Today, while going down on my girlfriend, she stopped moaning and told me to stop because she couldn't fake it anymore. FML

#21001045
115 comments

I agree, your life sucks (54461) - you deserved it (15716)

On 12/22/2013 at 3:45am - intimacy - by Anonymous - Canada (British Columbia)

Today, my boyfriend and I were having sex. Just as he was about to finish, he pulled out and came in his hand. He then flicked his hand towards my face and yelled, "Sha-ZAM!" FML

#20999459
138 comments

I agree, your life sucks (53672) - you deserved it (7966)

On 12/20/2013 at 6:36pm - intimacy - by zamwow (woman) - United States (New Jersey)

Today, I got a ransom note saying, "We have kidnapped your husband and won't release him unless you postpone the wedding." The wedding is tomorrow and it was in his handwriting. FML

#20998964
122 comments

I agree, your life sucks (52319) - you deserved it (4226)

On 12/20/2013 at 9:51am - misc - by oh why... (woman) - United States

Today, my boyfriend said he was in love with my best friend instead of me. I wouldn't be so upset if it wasn't the third boyfriend in a row this happened with. FML

#20997702
148 comments

I agree, your life sucks (52047) - you deserved it (4494)

On 12/19/2013 at 1:13am - love - by hot_friend (woman) - United States

Today, it's been a little over a month since my dad started taking yoga lessons. We always joked around behind his back that he was just doing it so he could get flexible enough to suck himself off. Well, that joke was confirmed as reality when I walked in on him trying just that. FML

#21001267
117 comments

I agree, your life sucks (51979) - you deserved it (7174)

On 12/22/2013 at 12:22pm - intimacy - by bleach bleach bleach (woman) - United States (Nevada)

Today, I came home after working on a difficult case. My husband wasn't home so I hopped into bed. My feet felt something and I reached down and picked it up out of the sheets. It was lacy black thongs. I don't own black thongs. FML

#20999870
134 comments

I agree, your life sucks (51344) - you deserved it (3352)

On 12/21/2013 at 2:08am - love - by Anonymous - United States (California)

Today, I found out I was passed over for the promotion I've wanted for 9 months at the fast food restaurant I work in. Who got the job? The 16 year old girl I trained 2 weeks ago. Their excuse was, "She has ambition." I'm going to college for food service management. She failed her drug test. FML

#21001701
171 comments

I agree, your life sucks (50625) - you deserved it (3830)

On 12/22/2013 at 7:58pm - work - by Anonymous - United States (Illinois)

Today, I walked in on my daughter lighting candles around one of her friends, who'd fallen asleep while her other friends chanted something in a different language. They still won't tell me what they were doing. FML

#21001182
229 comments

I agree, your life sucks (50315) - you deserved it (5003)

On 12/22/2013 at 10:36am - kids - by Anonymous (woman) - United States

Today, I had sex with my boyfriend for the first time, after he repeatedly told me not to worry about bleeding, and reassuring me that he'd take care of me. He passed out halfway through. FML

#21002524
123 comments

I agree, your life sucks (49628) - you deserved it (6017)

On 12/23/2013 at 2:13pm - intimacy - by JoshuasGirl (woman) - United States (Michigan)



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