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Sunday 24 November 2013

Top of the day | Top of the week | Top of the month | All time

Today, I was cleaning a pocketknife when I noticed a spider on my leg. My first reaction was to stab it. FML

#20974086
143 comments

I agree, your life sucks (40867) - you deserved it (41480)

On 11/28/2013 at 9:05pm - misc - by OuchImAMoron (man) - United States (New Jersey)

Today, concerned about my daughter's recent behavior, I looked through her web browser history. I found web searches for information on how to make a bomb to blow up a "horse". I'm not sure if she's illiterate, but either way it seems I need to get her some help. FML

#20977212
103 comments

I agree, your life sucks (40809) - you deserved it (3969)

On 12/01/2013 at 4:43pm - kids - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Hawaii)

Today, my girlfriend broke up with me because "our priorities aren't the same." Her priorities turned out to be getting into my coworker's pants. FML

#20969114
84 comments

I agree, your life sucks (40683) - you deserved it (2623)

On 11/24/2013 at 2:59pm - love - by bsulyingb (man) - United States

Today, I forgot I left my tampons in a grocery bag packed with food that I put into the fridge. I realized two hours later while frantically looking for a tampon. I'm still cold down there. FML

#20966555
103 comments

I agree, your life sucks (40587) - you deserved it (11877)

On 11/22/2013 at 1:53am - misc - by InsertPopcicle (woman) - United States

Today, I finally password-protected my phone, to protect it from my friends' favorite game: stealing it and sending stupid texts, and hijacking my Facebook. They quickly found a new game. My phone is now locked for 24 hours due to too many attempts to guess the password. FML

#20970108
124 comments

I agree, your life sucks (40553) - you deserved it (6733)

On 11/25/2013 at 12:06pm - misc - by Anonymous - United States (New York)

Today, after having my sinuses draining for a couple days, my ma stopped by for a surprise visit. Upon discovering the trash can full of used tissues, she called my pastor grandfather to talk to me about the chronic masturbation problem I don't have, but that everyone now thinks I have. FML

Today, as a part of my autobiography project for school, I needed to have 2 friends and 2 family members each write me a letter. I ended up having to forge 3 letters. FML

#20964402
60 comments

I agree, your life sucks (40361) - you deserved it (3380)

On 11/20/2013 at 10:28am - misc - by me - United States (New York)

Today, my coworkers were bored. To solve this, they taped me to a chair and tried tickling me to death. My boss joined in. FML

#20971859
100 comments

I agree, your life sucks (40280) - you deserved it (4098)

On 11/26/2013 at 10:11pm - work - by tortured (man) - United States

Today, my boyfriend asked me to write him a poem, as I am an avid writer. Happily, I agreed. After hours of working, I proudly presented it to him. He read it, laughed, and said, "No babe, I meant a real poem." Maybe I should rethink my career choice. FML

#20977444
119 comments

I agree, your life sucks (40259) - you deserved it (4181)

On 12/01/2013 at 8:57pm - love - by bad poet (woman) - United States (New York)

Today, during a job interview, I was offered a sandwich. I politely declined, explaining that I'm a coeliac and would probably get very sick. He said coeliac disease "isn't real" and that gluten-free eating is just a fad. I had to leave when he kept pushing me to accept it. FML

#20976563
156 comments

I agree, your life sucks (40146) - you deserved it (3482)

On 12/01/2013 at 1:02am - health - by Anonymous (woman) - Norway

Today, I ended up talking to a homeless man and bought him a meal. In return, he hugged me and groped my ass. FML

Today, my father took revenge on me for bankrupting him in a game of Monopoly. His revenge consisted of having a truckload of sand dumped in my driveway while I was at work. FML

#20966996
94 comments

I agree, your life sucks (39699) - you deserved it (3327)

On 11/22/2013 at 3:51pm - misc - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Washington)

Today, I was walking back home from a party, when I received an email from our neighborhood watch. It said to beware, because a "thug-like" stranger with a white shirt and brown hair had entered the neighborhood. My hair is indeed brown and I was wearing a white shirt. FML

#20972428
69 comments

I agree, your life sucks (39542) - you deserved it (3795)

On 11/27/2013 at 12:51pm - misc - by paranoid neighborhood - United States (Florida)



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