Submit your FML story

  • - Concept: An anecdote always starts with Today and ends with FML. There are no taboo subjects, feel free to express yourself.
  • - CAUTION: Read your message over. Please don't use text language and avoid making too many spelling mistakes.
  • - Please note that spam and nonsensical stories will result in you being blocked from accessing FML.
Your nick:
Categories :
Man or woman?

Choose a category

Agreed | Deserved | Commented | Favorited

Choose the period

Tuesday 5 November 2013

Top of the day | Top of the week | Top of the month | All time

Today, at the movies, some asswipe kept throwing candy at me. After 20 minutes of it, I got up and went over to get him to stop. Good news: his balls vanished faster than a politician's spine immediately after being elected. Bad news: I got kicked out for "starting a disturbance". FML

#20952633
67 comments

I agree, your life sucks (37064) - you deserved it (3392)

On 11/10/2013 at 1:26pm - misc - by fuck you, bitchcake (man) - Canada (Nova Scotia)

Today, my five-year-old stepson announced that he is finally no longer scared of flushing toilets. Immediately after, I discovered that he's now decided that he's scared of the bathroom sink. FML

#20947649
67 comments

I agree, your life sucks (36840) - you deserved it (3078)

On 11/06/2013 at 11:33am - kids - by TheMommas (woman) - United States (Texas)

Today, I went to an over-crowded grocery store. As I reached the front of a long line, I noticed that a cart had been abandoned in everybody's way. Trying to be helpful, I moved it to the side. An enormous woman then shoved me and yelled at me for "pushing her property around." FML

#20953468
45 comments

I agree, your life sucks (36392) - you deserved it (3115)

On 11/11/2013 at 12:17am - misc - by PainStressLife - United States (California)

Today, working as a cashier, I had a customer come through and ask to purchase a bag of ice. I asked, "Eight pound or twenty pound?", referring to the clearly marked weight of the bags. He replied, "What's the difference?" FML

#20955463
75 comments

I agree, your life sucks (36228) - you deserved it (3017)

On 11/12/2013 at 6:56pm - work - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Maryland)

Today, my relatives won't acknowledge my existence unless I'm posting a picture of my cat. They only talk about the cat. FML

#20946616
67 comments

I agree, your life sucks (35824) - you deserved it (3194)

On 11/05/2013 at 4:26pm - misc - by Steiner (man) - United States (New York)

Today, I got into a fight with my brother that somehow ended with him breaking my toe with a Fisher-Price airplane. FML

#20955006
65 comments

I agree, your life sucks (35822) - you deserved it (5079)

On 11/12/2013 at 10:27am - kids - by CurseYouSonyaLee (man) - United States (Illinois)

Today, I learned I was conceived to the sounds of a Spice Girls album. FML

#20954288
128 comments

I agree, your life sucks (34831) - you deserved it (3820)

On 11/11/2013 at 6:58pm - misc - by queenxalee (woman) - United States (California)

Today, my grocery shopping consisted of Poptarts, SpaghettiOs, Lucky Charms, Popsicles, Easy Mac, and Twinkies. I'm a 25-year-old woman with no kids. FML

#20947507
190 comments

I agree, your life sucks (34632) - you deserved it (21088)

On 11/06/2013 at 8:04am - misc - by pathetic (woman) - United States (Nebraska)

Today, a drunken customer blindsided me after I told him I would not be giving him a free drink after I watched him put his own hair in it. FML

#20953603
39 comments

I agree, your life sucks (33717) - you deserved it (2189)

On 11/11/2013 at 3:18am - work - by ShakenNotStirred - Australia (Queensland)

Today, as my wife and I were getting intimate, I thought I would try a little "dirty talk". I whispered in her ear that I would "dick her down good". She couldn't stop laughing. FML

#20946325
154 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28313) - you deserved it (55749)

On 11/05/2013 at 10:26am - intimacy - by Something I said? (man) - United States (New York)

Today, after hours of organizing and spending around $300 for my three-year-old's birthday party, I realized I forgot to send out the invitations. FML

#20951338
160 comments

Today, my husband's version of roleplaying was pretending that he actually wanted to have sex with me. FML

#20950083
62 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25894) - you deserved it (5892)

On 11/08/2013 at 9:00am - intimacy - by xomelodygervais (woman) - Canada (Ontario)

Today, I went to the bathroom on the way to class. After washing my hands, I couldn't figure out how to turn off the water. I finally resorted to asking a professor for help. She turned it off, looked me in the eyes and said, "Please don't tell me you're here on a scholarship." FML

#20948176
104 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24735) - you deserved it (32427)

On 11/06/2013 at 7:16pm - misc - by nevergoingtopeeagain - United States (Texas)



FML's blog

  • Feeling shitty? Write to Auntie Bernie!
  • It's a new summer, so here's a new feature. OK, that doesn't mean much, but you've got to start somewhere. The idea came from the fact that we get sent a lot of FMLs that touch us, in our heart of…

Friday 24 July 2015

The whole blog

FMyLife, world tour

Available on: