Choose the period

Tuesday 5 November 2013

Choose a category

Today, I got into a fight with my brother that somehow ended with him breaking my toe with a Fisher-Price airplane. FML

by CurseYouSonyaLee / 11/12/2013 at 10:27am / United States (Illinois) / Kids

Today, I was conducting surveys over the phone at work. As I called a new respondent, someone answered the phone, burped loudly, and hung up. This isn't the first time. I hate this job. FML

Today, my five-year-old stepson announced that he is finally no longer scared of flushing toilets. Immediately after, I discovered that he's now decided that he's scared of the bathroom sink. FML

by TheMommas / 11/06/2013 at 11:33am / United States (Texas) / Kids

Today, I went to an over-crowded grocery store. As I reached the front of a long line, I noticed that a cart had been abandoned in everybody's way. Trying to be helpful, I moved it to the side. An enormous woman then shoved me and yelled at me for "pushing her property around." FML

by PainStressLife / 11/11/2013 at 12:17am / United States (California) / Miscellaneous

Today, working as a cashier, I had a customer come through and ask to purchase a bag of ice. I asked, "Eight pound or twenty pound?", referring to the clearly marked weight of the bags. He replied, "What's the difference?" FML

by Anonymous / 11/12/2013 at 6:56pm / United States (Maryland) / Work

Today, I learned I was conceived to the sounds of a Spice Girls album. FML

by queenxalee / 11/11/2013 at 6:58pm / United States (California) / Miscellaneous

Today, my relatives won't acknowledge my existence unless I'm posting a picture of my cat. They only talk about the cat. FML

by Steiner / 11/05/2013 at 4:26pm / United States (New York) / Miscellaneous

Today, a drunken customer blindsided me after I told him I would not be giving him a free drink after I watched him put his own hair in it. FML

by ShakenNotStirred / 11/11/2013 at 3:18am / Australia (Queensland) / Work

Today, my grocery shopping consisted of Poptarts, SpaghettiOs, Lucky Charms, Popsicles, Easy Mac, and Twinkies. I'm a 25-year-old woman with no kids. FML

by pathetic / 11/06/2013 at 8:04am / United States (Nebraska) / Miscellaneous

Today, as my wife and I were getting intimate, I thought I would try a little "dirty talk". I whispered in her ear that I would "dick her down good". She couldn't stop laughing. FML

by Something I said? / 11/05/2013 at 10:26am / United States (New York) / Intimacy

Today, after hours of organizing and spending around $300 for my three-year-old's birthday party, I realized I forgot to send out the invitations. FML

Today, my husband's version of roleplaying was pretending that he actually wanted to have sex with me. FML

by xomelodygervais / 11/08/2013 at 9:00am / Canada (Ontario) / Intimacy

Today, I went to the bathroom on the way to class. After washing my hands, I couldn't figure out how to turn off the water. I finally resorted to asking a professor for help. She turned it off, looked me in the eyes and said, "Please don't tell me you're here on a scholarship." FML

by nevergoingtopeeagain / 11/06/2013 at 7:16pm / United States (Texas) / Miscellaneous