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Tuesday 5 November 2013

Top of the day | Top of the week | Top of the month | All time

Today, I googled myself in preparation for my upcoming job interview. Turns out there's a girl on Twitter with my name and age who tweets nonstop about getting wasted and being on probation. She won't make her profile private. FML

#20944947
143 comments

I agree, your life sucks (43859) - you deserved it (3130)

On 11/04/2013 at 7:08am - work - by twitterfailsme (woman) - Israel (HaMerkaz)

Today, despite my fear of using public restrooms, I was forced to anyway to avoid my bladder exploding. I was finally getting over it when someone stuck their head under the stall to "see if someone's in there". I'm scared more now than I was before. FML

#20947778
113 comments

I agree, your life sucks (43787) - you deserved it (4602)

On 11/06/2013 at 2:09pm - misc - by s3xygrandpa (woman) - United States (Florida)

Today, I walked under a tree and heard birds chirping from above. I stopped and looked up, only to catch a face full of bird shit. FML

#20947706
72 comments

I agree, your life sucks (43621) - you deserved it (8825)

On 11/06/2013 at 1:08pm - animals - by lbg2msf (man) - United States (Mississippi)

Today, while working at Chipotle, a teenage girl asked in all seriousness if she "could have a steak burrito, but with like, chicken instead?" FML

#20951236
129 comments

I agree, your life sucks (43323) - you deserved it (3550)

On 11/09/2013 at 9:15am - work - by fmylyfe (man) - United States (Minnesota)

Today, while teaching juniors about black holes, I said, "Imagine everything being sucked into a black hole." An African-American student shouted, "I'd better start clenching!" Nobody took the lesson seriously after that. FML

#20946225
136 comments

I agree, your life sucks (43308) - you deserved it (5254)

On 11/05/2013 at 8:22am - work - by regretsteachinghighschool - United States (Minnesota)

Today, while taking an order over the phone for the customer at work, I began to hear slight moans. The moans gradually became faster and louder, until climax was achieved and I realized I was being used for phone sex. FML

#20955245
100 comments

I agree, your life sucks (43055) - you deserved it (3475)

On 11/12/2013 at 3:29pm - work - by long day - United States (Michigan)

Today, somebody broke into my car, just to steal the obviously fake $1,000,000 bill hanging from my rear-view mirror. FML

#20951747
92 comments

I agree, your life sucks (42839) - you deserved it (10378)

On 11/09/2013 at 6:27pm - money - by jsyn (man) - United States (Connecticut)

Today, she did it again. While I was minding my own business reading the paper, she casually walked up to me and slashed my face with her nails, drawing blood and screams of pain. I need to get out of this abusive relationship, but no one will adopt my asshole of a cat. FML

#20950555
218 comments

I agree, your life sucks (42813) - you deserved it (7983)

On 11/08/2013 at 6:02pm - animals - by Anonymous (man) - Canada (Alberta)

Today, at a grocery store, a man came up to me while I was picking out apples and whispered in my ear, "That's how Snow White died." FML

#20947922
117 comments

I agree, your life sucks (42613) - you deserved it (3862)

On 11/06/2013 at 4:16pm - misc - by awkward - Canada (Alberta)

Today, I was mentioning to a coworker how there was a huge lull today in business. A young coworker then turns to me and says in a snooty tone, "I think you mean a 'lol', it's pronounced L-O-L." FML

#20953649
133 comments

I agree, your life sucks (42609) - you deserved it (2813)

On 11/11/2013 at 5:36am - work - by shut up. - New Zealand

Today, my boyfriend's ex moved into the apartment beneath us. She's already called the cops on us for a noise complaint twice. We were sleeping. It's going to be a long year. FML

#20955154
75 comments

I agree, your life sucks (42392) - you deserved it (2420)

On 11/12/2013 at 2:12pm - misc - by Anonymous - Canada

Today, my boyfriend's response to me saying "Most women like a bit of filth in the bedroom every now and again" was to start farting in bed. Not quite what I meant. FML

#20946422
79 comments

I agree, your life sucks (42292) - you deserved it (10066)

On 11/05/2013 at 1:01pm - intimacy - by roughsexgonewrong (woman) - United Kingdom (London, City of)

Today, I found out that my sex face is definitely amusing after the third girl in a row started laughing at it. FML

#20945549
97 comments

I agree, your life sucks (42187) - you deserved it (7762)

On 11/04/2013 at 7:25pm - intimacy - by UnfortunatelyAmusing (man) - United States (New Jersey)



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