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Thursday 24 October 2013

Top of the day | Top of the week | Top of the month | All time

Today, I got married. My husband and I had been waiting until marriage to have sex, and when the time came, we started to undress. As I took my bra off, his eyes glazed over, and he fainted. An hour later, all he could say was, "I don't think we're meant to be together." FML

#20936013
250 comments

I agree, your life sucks (64813) - you deserved it (8575)

On 10/27/2013 at 7:46pm - intimacy - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (New Jersey)

Today, I had to call a plumber out to clear a blockage in our bathroom drainpipe. After coming back from work later in the day, and after a tearful confession from my wife, I found out that pipe wasn't the only one he snaked. FML

#20932505
248 comments

I agree, your life sucks (56117) - you deserved it (3749)

On 10/24/2013 at 4:06pm - misc - by soon to be divorced (man) - United States

Today, my girlfriend got a detention for public display of affection. We go to different schools. FML

#20937522
134 comments

I agree, your life sucks (54344) - you deserved it (4042)

On 10/29/2013 at 12:24am - love - by cmart_9 (man) - United States (Indiana)

Today, I reminded my husband that I was on my period, so he wouldn't try to fool around with me. A few hours later, his goldfish-like memory kicked in and he stuck his hand down my pants while we were going to bed. I was wearing a maxi pad. FML

#20935542
155 comments

I agree, your life sucks (53527) - you deserved it (5222)

On 10/27/2013 at 11:26am - intimacy - by SharkWeek (woman) - United States (Pennsylvania)

Today, I took my girlfriend to meet my parents at a family dinner. There was plenty of alcohol on offer, as is normal at our get-togethers. She got blind drunk and ended up crying to my mum about how I can't please her because I have a small penis and my oral sucks. FML

#20933730
115 comments

I agree, your life sucks (53185) - you deserved it (9103)

On 10/25/2013 at 6:08pm - intimacy - by Dick the Greater (man) -

Today, I found out that, although I have the same job title and complete the same work as my male colleagues, I get paid 15% less, purely because I'm a girl. FML

#20939397
247 comments

I agree, your life sucks (53068) - you deserved it (7704)

On 10/30/2013 at 6:27pm - work - by Anonymous (woman) - United Kingdom (Havering)

Today, my dad came into my room, looked at my laptop, and said he could hear the porn I was watching all the way from his room. I wasn't watching porn. We soon realised it was actually coming from his mobile phone. FML

#20929016
72 comments

I agree, your life sucks (52979) - you deserved it (3912)

On 10/21/2013 at 3:07pm - intimacy - by Anonymous - United Kingdom

Today, I'm severely sunburned and can barely walk properly. My boyfriend keeps telling his friends that it's because of "how hard he gave it to me last night". FML

#20936372
77 comments

I agree, your life sucks (52286) - you deserved it (9203)

On 10/28/2013 at 12:51am - intimacy - by snowwhite (woman) - Australia (New South Wales)

Today, my girlfriend of a year denied in front of everyone that we ever dated. FML

#20930973
122 comments

I agree, your life sucks (50350) - you deserved it (4694)

On 10/23/2013 at 11:42am - love - by Zkroger (man) - United States

Today, I found out through one of my friends that my boyfriend cheated on me. He says it doesn't count as cheating because he couldn't get it up. FML

#20930754
104 comments

I agree, your life sucks (49437) - you deserved it (4152)

On 10/23/2013 at 3:40am - intimacy - by Anonymous - United States

Today, I found out that when my boyfriend jokingly talks about his other girlfriend, he isn't actually joking. FML

#20928840
103 comments

I agree, your life sucks (49003) - you deserved it (4789)

On 10/21/2013 at 12:42pm - love - by other woman - United States (California)

Today, the kid next to me asked me, in all seriousness, if gay people have feelings like regular people. I'm gay, and I have to sit next to this barnacle until June. FML

#20929195
156 comments

I agree, your life sucks (48971) - you deserved it (8398)

On 10/21/2013 at 5:22pm - intimacy - by Anonymous - United States (New York)

Today, someone popped my birthday balloon at school. Her reasoning was that she "didn't want people to know we have the same birthday." Who popped it? My identical twin sister. FML

#20934033
96 comments

I agree, your life sucks (48495) - you deserved it (3314)

On 10/25/2013 at 11:03pm - misc - by Anonymous - United States (Florida)



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