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Monday 7 October 2013

Top of the day | Top of the week | Top of the month | All time

Today, during a family dinner, my 5-year-old son excitedly told everyone that I let him use my "douche" last week. My parents glared at me in anger and horror, and only after they left did I find out that his brother had told him that's what my loofah is called. FML

#20915293
79 comments

I agree, your life sucks (38738) - you deserved it (3142)

On 10/10/2013 at 4:00pm - kids - by Lady Douche of Asscrackington (woman) - United States (Massachusetts)

Today, I got two pieces of mail. One was a fine for not presenting my concession card to ticket inspectors on a train. The other was my concession card. FML

#20912116
44 comments

I agree, your life sucks (38490) - you deserved it (3046)

On 10/08/2013 at 3:09am - money - by Anonymous (woman) - China (Shanghai)

Today, my "friend" came over. I caught him trying to steal my iPod on the way out. Proud of myself for catching him, I asked him to leave, only to realize that I had forgotten to actually take the iPod back from him before he left. FML

#20914586
84 comments

I agree, your life sucks (38156) - you deserved it (21854)

On 10/09/2013 at 11:03pm - money - by oneiPodlighter (man) - United States (Pennsylvania)

Today, I had a new client on my massage list. Two of my fingers got stuck in the thick coat of hair covering his back. I had to stop myself from making grunting noises whilst extricating them. FML

#20914768
56 comments

I agree, your life sucks (37821) - you deserved it (2908)

On 10/10/2013 at 1:25am - work - by Anonymous - United States (California)

Today, my new colleagues took me up on my idea of a group night out. Perhaps they'll actually invite me along next time. FML

#20911387
51 comments

I agree, your life sucks (37328) - you deserved it (2802)

On 10/07/2013 at 6:51pm - work - by Loner_Lou (woman) - United Kingdom (London, City of)

Today, I yet again had to pretend to be a dumb bimbo so that my boyfriend wouldn't get upset over the fact that, in some cases, I might be smarter than him. FML

#20913509
191 comments

I agree, your life sucks (37097) - you deserved it (20947)

On 10/09/2013 at 3:51am - love - by yeah hun i think insects arent animals too (woman) - Germany (Sachsen)

Today, in revenge for me pulling the old salt-in-the-soda prank on him, my dad showed up at my college dressed in a tight blouse and miniskirt, demanding that I come home early with him. I think I'm going to be lynched next time I go to class. FML

#20919140
104 comments

I agree, your life sucks (36521) - you deserved it (12319)

On 10/13/2013 at 5:20pm - misc - by HSampsON (man) - Niger (Niamey)

Today, someone in my 8-floor appartment building got an airhorn. They seem to enjoy using it. I can't work out where they are. FML

#20919926
95 comments

I agree, your life sucks (36401) - you deserved it (2783)

On 10/14/2013 at 9:10am - misc - by STOPTHENOISE (woman) - United States (Wisconsin)

Today, I tried to catch a train to get to my new job. I was stopped and told that I needed a pre-purchased ticket to enter the platform. The only way to get the ticket, they said, was by buying one on the platform. I arrived by taxi nearly an hour late for my first day. FML

#20916500
34 comments

I agree, your life sucks (35910) - you deserved it (3533)

On 10/11/2013 at 2:22pm - work - by sharkiewarkiemoosey (woman) - Switzerland (Ausser-Rhoden)

Today, my brother finally informed me that our shower head has an option to make the water only come out of the detachable part. My left leg's been in a cast for 4 months, and the whole time I've had to shower sitting backwards with my leg sticking out the door. He knew. FML

Today, I got my two-year-old's Halloween costume in the mail. I tried it on him to make sure it fit. He loves it so much that he is now having a complete meltdown because he wants to go trick-or-treating. He doesn't understand we only go trick-or-treating on Halloween. 23 more days to go. FML

Today, I decided to start a new and healthy diet. When I came home from my run this morning, my family decided to show their support by buying takeaway food. FML

#20920168
102 comments

I agree, your life sucks (34982) - you deserved it (4291)

On 10/14/2013 at 2:19pm - health - by Anonymous - United States (Texas)

Today, I have been home sick and depressed for so long that I just found Oreo crumbs in my belly button. FML

#20911052
136 comments

I agree, your life sucks (34647) - you deserved it (15743)

On 10/07/2013 at 2:55pm - health - by Sadness (woman) - United States (Georgia)



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