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Wednesday 11 September 2013

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Today, I had to explain to my mother that faith healing will not work on plumbing. FML

by Norvi / 09/14/2013 at 1:51am / South Africa (Gauteng) / Health

This FML has been commented on by its original poster.

Today, my boss took me to one side and said, "Cross me like that ever again, and you're fired." I have no clue what he was talking about, and he denies ever having said a word to me. FML

by what... / 09/15/2013 at 2:47pm / United States (Florida) / Work

Today, a man walked into the bank I work at and asked what he would need in order to open an account. I had to look him in the eyes with a straight face, say, "Two pieces of identification," and ask him to put some pants on. FML

by Anonymous / 09/14/2013 at 11:04am / Canada (Alberta) / Work

Today, I had to explain to my grandfather that Canadians aren't evil by reminding him that he's Canadian. FML

by Anonymous / 09/17/2013 at 10:21am / United States / Miscellaneous

Today, I waited in the pouring rain for my wife to come pick me up from work. It was only after I was thoroughly drenched that I remembered it was my wife's day off, and that I drove myself to work earlier in her car, which was parked fifty feet from where I was waiting. FML

by Anonymous / 09/16/2013 at 4:30pm / Transportation

Today, just like the last several days, I walked out to my car after class only to notice the Justin Beiber stickers arranged on my bumper and license plates. My dad put them there, and thinks it's just as hilarious as the first time. He has four packs of stickers left. FML

by NonBelieber / 09/18/2013 at 12:22am / United States (Alabama) / Transportation

Today, my boyfriend and best friend decided to "help" by assembling my new front porch while I was away. Ecstatic, they displayed their handiwork. It's charming how the porch is precariously balanced, it leans in such a way that it appears it will fall over if you walk through the front door. FML

by Anonymous / 09/11/2013 at 4:20am / United States / Miscellaneous

Today, after getting back from a year-long world trip, I nearly fell on my knees and cried when I saw boxes of Twinkies at my local gas station. Finding out they were back was the highlight of the year. FML

by AwkwardPartyBear / 09/17/2013 at 5:27pm / United States (Florida) / Miscellaneous

This FML has been commented on by its original poster.

Today, I found a pamphlet for alcohol counseling on my front door today. I think it was from the guys who pick up my recycling. FML

by I get the hint / 09/18/2013 at 2:19am / Health

Today, my teenage son tried to huff a can of spray paint. FML

by Anonymous / 09/15/2013 at 12:02am / United States / Kids

Today, I learned that my parrots now can shit horizontally when I found the wall next to the cage covered in feces. FML

by StefanKa / 09/09/2013 at 5:30am / Poland (Mazowieckie) / Animals

This FML has been commented on by its original poster.

Today, I realized that it's become a regular occurrence for my mother and me to talk about our pubic hair. I don't know which is worse: the fact that I know she shaves it, or the fact that we even talk about this stuff. FML

by Anonymous / 09/10/2013 at 1:44pm / Canada (Ontario) / Miscellaneous

Today, I realized I pay $160/month to get two texts a day. One from my bank telling me how much I have, one for my credit card telling me how much I owe. FML

by BeautifulChaos27 / 09/17/2013 at 7:56pm / United States (Massachusetts) / Money

This FML has been commented on by its original poster.