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Wednesday 11 September 2013

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Today, I started my new job. Only after I met my new boss did I realise I've met him before. He was at my friend's party last month, the only time in my life when I got so wasted that I danced on a table before puking on myself. He remembers me, too. FML

by Anoymous / 09/18/2013 at 2:31pm / Slovakia (Bratislava) / Work

Today, I got really excited when I got an email from a guy I've been flirting with in my math class. Turns out he thinks I stole his calculator and wants it back immediately. There goes my chance. FML

by crushed / 09/14/2013 at 1:04pm / United States (North Carolina) / Love

Today, I got fired from my volunteer job. FML

by Volunteer / 09/13/2013 at 6:24pm / United States (Indiana) / Work

Today, I woke up and saw that my alarm clock had fallen on the floor. It read 9:05 am. I panicked because I was late for work. As I frantically got ready, I went to pick my alarm clock up to place it back on my nightstand when I realized it was upside down. The actual time was 5:06. FML

by NoorFML / 09/13/2013 at 9:24am / United States / Miscellaneous

Today, my workplace was having a "prices are down" promotion. I had to wear a badge that said, "Down and staying down" all day, opening myself up to a lot of weirdos winking at me or saying, "Oh yeah, I bet you are". FML

by hawkwardd / 09/12/2013 at 3:42am / Australia / Work

Today, the guy on the floor above me decided it was time for a tuba jam session. Apparently optimal tuba time is 2am. FML

by sleeplessinrichmond / 09/15/2013 at 2:02am / United States (New York) / Miscellaneous

Today, I found out my roommate Skypes my friends on my laptop when I'm away. Not only that, he covers his face and shows them his junk. My friends no longer answer Skype calls from me. FML

by Anonymous / 09/18/2013 at 5:47pm / United States (Ohio) / Miscellaneous

Today, I noticed that my new colleague never laughs. Instead she says, "LOL". I have to work with her every day. FML

by Jienaf / 09/17/2013 at 4:26am / Malta / Work

Today, while at the zoo, I found out that the rhinos there can pee backwards, while standing directly behind one. FML

by Are you kidding me? / 09/09/2013 at 4:51pm / United States (Kansas) / Animals

Today, one of my online friends told me he's bought a plane ticket, so he can come visit me. I've told him multiple times before that I'm uncomfortable with this idea, but he keeps telling me to stop joking, and reminding me that he'll have no other place to stay. FML

by LolAtMyPosts / 09/15/2013 at 2:04pm / Canada (Nova Scotia) / Miscellaneous

This FML has been commented on by its original poster.

Today, in order to try and get over my slight fear of swans, I went down to the local park to feed them. One decided that I looked tastier than the bread I was throwing and chased me around the feeding area while everybody laughed. FML

by Evil_Angel_90 / 09/10/2013 at 7:36am / Australia / Animals

Today, I was getting my cat some canned food. Out of habit I licked the spoon after I had emptied the can only to realize too late what I had done. FML

by OldHabitsDieHard / 09/18/2013 at 10:53am / United States (Pennsylvania) / Animals

Today, I went to a suicide prevention walk with a girl I like. Before the walk, we bought balloons to set free when they called the names of the deceased. To buy a balloon, you had to write a name on a sheet. Apparently, you weren't supposed to write your own. They called my name. FML

by Anonymous / 09/09/2013 at 7:58pm / United States (Illinois) / Miscellaneous