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Wednesday 11 September 2013

Top of the day | Top of the week | Top of the month | All time

Today, my pregnant wife was crying, so I let her sit on my lap so I could comfort her. She quickly started laughing in embarrassment as she peed on my leg. FML

#20874571
93 comments

I agree, your life sucks (49533) - you deserved it (5694)

On 09/09/2013 at 4:16pm - intimacy - by anonymous - United States (Texas)

Today, my partner walked in the room wearing a sweater from my wardrobe, making jokes about it and saying how ugly it was. That sweater was the last thing my father wore before he passed away. FML

Today, my girlfriend invited me over for the first time. I pulled up to her house just to be denied at the front door by her mum. She'd invited me over to break up with me, but had her mum do it for her. FML

#20876765
91 comments

I agree, your life sucks (49432) - you deserved it (2854)

On 09/11/2013 at 5:30am - love - by AnonymousLoser (man) - United Kingdom

Today, my mum got engaged to her American pen-pal, who is in prison over there for murder. FML

Today, I met my birth mother. My dad won't talk to me, my mom won't stop crying and thinks I'm replacing her, and the rest of my family won't stop calling me a bitch. I'm 21, and I just wanted to meet the woman who pushed me head-first out of her vagina. FML

Today, I was lying naked on my boyfriend's bed for the first time ever. He glanced at me, then started playing with a Rubik's cube. FML

#20885155
153 comments

I agree, your life sucks (47748) - you deserved it (5748)

On 09/17/2013 at 12:38pm - intimacy - by someone (woman) - United States (California)

Today, I hooked up with the guy I've liked for a while, even though my friends joked that his large pickup truck meant that he was "compensating" for having a small penis. They were right. Very right. FML

#20876171
152 comments

I agree, your life sucks (47258) - you deserved it (9471)

On 09/10/2013 at 8:14pm - intimacy - by CityBoysNow - United States (Missouri)

Today, I helped my brother propose to his girlfriend of 5 years in the spot where they had first met. As he delivered his heartfelt speech, a sizable crowd appeared. When he got down on one knee, she punched him in the gut, yelled, "I never loved you", and ran away. Now he won't talk to me. FML

#20887080
159 comments

I agree, your life sucks (45853) - you deserved it (2823)

On 09/18/2013 at 9:45pm - love - by ElizaZee (woman) - United States (Pennsylvania)

Today, I asked a friend to hang out. I'm so used to people saying no, that when she said yes I burst into tears and had a panic attack. FML

#20880509
116 comments

Today, I was watching a movie on TV. One of the characters has the same name as my dog, and when his name was called, my dog got so excited that he jumped face-first into my TV. FML

#20876988
106 comments

I agree, your life sucks (45665) - you deserved it (3292)

On 09/11/2013 at 12:57pm - animals - by ugh Buck! (woman) - United States

Today, my mother informed me that we are no longer taking my graduation trip to New York. Instead, she and her group of continuously drunk friends are going to Vegas because, "We could win the jackpot and take you on an even bigger trip to New York!" She's never won anything in her whole life. FML

#20875663
87 comments

I agree, your life sucks (45171) - you deserved it (2618)

On 09/10/2013 at 11:52am - money - by zcollins - United States (California)

Today, I took my 4-year-old son to the bank with me. He asked why we were going, and I explained that I had a couple of checks that they would turn into money. When we got in line, he loudly exclaimed that "Mommy has checks for money!" Except "checks" sounded almost exactly like "sex". FML

#20875776
92 comments

I agree, your life sucks (45019) - you deserved it (3820)

On 09/10/2013 at 2:30pm - misc - by Anonymous - United States (Tennessee)

Today, my girlfriend is upset with me for not wanting to sext. I can't sext with her because she adds 'lol' to everything which turns me off. FML

#20879249
98 comments

I agree, your life sucks (44880) - you deserved it (4919)

On 09/13/2013 at 2:53am - intimacy - by Anonymous - United States (Oregon)



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