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Wednesday 14 August 2013

Top of the day | Top of the week | Top of the month | All time

Today, I got my girlfriend to play Smash Bros Brawl with me. As it was her first time, I set up handicaps to give her at least a shot at winning. She won, quite handily. A little irritated at this, I took off the handicaps and tried again. She beat me even faster. FML

#20847705
148 comments

I agree, your life sucks (39005) - you deserved it (23227)

On 08/21/2013 at 11:17am - misc - by Loser (man) - United States

Today, my wackjob roommate decided to sit next to me on the couch, basically make out with her pet rabbit, and baby-talk to it. Key highlights involved giggling while the bunny licked up inside her nose and then commenting on the rabbit's "pronounced nipples". Why? FML

#20848347
55 comments

I agree, your life sucks (38805) - you deserved it (3479)

On 08/21/2013 at 8:09pm - animals - by Jade (woman) - United States (California)

Today, while working as a swim instructor, I started singing the hokey pokey to get all the kids used to putting their faces in the water. One of the kids was covering his ears. When I asked him why, he said "because you were singing." He's 3. FML

#20842523
46 comments

I agree, your life sucks (38710) - you deserved it (5980)

On 08/18/2013 at 12:35am - kids - by Anonymous (woman) - Canada (Ontario)

Today, I went to see a therapist for help with my severe fear of spiders. The therapist held a big spider in a box inches away from my face. I ran to the back of the room and asked him why. He responded with, "Aren't therapists supposed to help you face your fears?" I'm paying $150 an hour. FML

#20846128
114 comments

I agree, your life sucks (38596) - you deserved it (7098)

On 08/20/2013 at 9:41am - health - by no that does not help (woman) - United States (Texas)

Today, my ass decided that it was the perfect day to exhibit the diarrhea side-effect of medicine I'm taking. I definitely made a lasting impression on my interviewer. FML

#20846310
40 comments

I agree, your life sucks (38544) - you deserved it (2615)

On 08/20/2013 at 1:18pm - health - by Anonymous - United States

Today, I was to give a business report to several important shareholders. Right at the start, I broke into a coughing fit, then got so nervous that I froze up. When I tried to excuse myself, I tripped over my own feet. I'm now facing demotion for making the company look bad. FML

#20843443
63 comments

I agree, your life sucks (38458) - you deserved it (5063)

On 08/18/2013 at 5:23pm - work - by socianx (man) - Albania

Today, I walked past a girl giving out leaflets for a nightclub. She ignored me the first two times. I dismissed it cynically, thinking she was only giving them to good looking young people. The third time she gave one to a balding 40-year old guy with his pre-teen kid. She still ignored me. FML

#20835243
94 comments

I agree, your life sucks (38373) - you deserved it (4843)

On 08/13/2013 at 10:55am - misc - by martyn28 (man) - United Kingdom

Today, I caught my new neighbor sticking his knob inside my car and pissing on my seats. His reason? I parked in his spot. FML

#20834187
102 comments

I agree, your life sucks (38329) - you deserved it (7372)

On 08/12/2013 at 6:47pm - misc - by wildwonder808 (man) - United States (Michigan)

Today, my OCD manager sprayed my hands with chemicals because I touched the bin while throwing away a piece of paper. My hands are now covered in itchy, unattractive rashes. FML

#20833453
100 comments

I agree, your life sucks (38327) - you deserved it (2795)

On 08/12/2013 at 7:19am - work - by nearly a crazy lady - United Kingdom

Today, after an argument with my wife, I stormed out of our bedroom through the sliding doors to the balcony. Only there was no balcony, because it still hasn't been replaced yet. I'm now laid-up in hospital. FML

#20843350
86 comments

I agree, your life sucks (38228) - you deserved it (15047)

On 08/18/2013 at 4:13pm - health - by Anonymous (man) - Germany (Rheinland-Pfalz)

Today, I discovered I have epilepsy. 10 years ago, I told my mother about my frequent fits of vertigo, deja vu, nausea, flashes of memory and strange sounds, smells, and images, coupled with an other-worldly feeling. I thought they were holy visions. So did she. FML

Today, I got a speeding ticket. I couldn't find my insurance card, and the cop was very nice. He said not to worry about it, that I "looked like someone who had insurance." I'm not sure how to take that. FML

#20847276
38 comments

I agree, your life sucks (37585) - you deserved it (6705)

On 08/21/2013 at 12:40am - misc - by Beegee (woman) - United States (Colorado)

Today, I was told that my son has Twitter and Facebook accounts that he uses to try to bully people online, some of which are celebrities. He does it really badly, though. FML

#20837780
58 comments

I agree, your life sucks (37456) - you deserved it (6672)

On 08/14/2013 at 10:02pm - misc - by ShitStirringSon (man) - United States (California)



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