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Wednesday 14 August 2013

Top of the day | Top of the week | Top of the month | All time

Today, I was watching TV with my boyfriend, when a weird wart-removal ad came on. He watched in disgust as the lady's wart said rude things to her. Then he looked at me and said seriously, "I'm glad yours don't talk..." FML

#20842136
52 comments

I agree, your life sucks (42309) - you deserved it (4561)

On 08/17/2013 at 8:27pm - love - by WartCream - United States (Kansas)

Today, I found out that if someone flushes a toilet the same time I'm starting the washing machine, my house will flood. FML

#20844207
52 comments

I agree, your life sucks (42278) - you deserved it (2625)

On 08/19/2013 at 2:21am - misc - by Ben - United States (Kentucky)

Today, on the train, I was sitting next to a homeless man. As we left the train he shook my hand and was seemingly on his way. That was until he caught me greeting my boyfriend, to which he decided to tell the romantic story of how he murdered a man for "getting too close to his woman." FML

#20845971
53 comments

I agree, your life sucks (42231) - you deserved it (2923)

On 08/20/2013 at 4:38am - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United Kingdom (Essex)

Today, I walked in on my brother smoking weed. He immediately tried to hide it by dropping it down his pants, still lit. Screaming in pain, he pulled down his pants. The ashes burned his knob. I had to take him to the emergency room. FML

Today, I received a lemon in a box in the mail. I didn't know from who it was, nor how he or she knows my address. There was a note on it: "When life gives you lemons, date me." FML

#20837021
190 comments

Today, my father bought a riding lawn mower. We don't have a lawn. FML

#20835961
91 comments

I agree, your life sucks (41666) - you deserved it (3376)

On 08/13/2013 at 8:08pm - money - by What. - United States (Rhode Island)

Today, my wackjob roommate decided to sit next to me on the couch, basically make out with her pet rabbit, and baby-talk to it. Key highlights involved giggling while the bunny licked up inside her nose and then commenting on the rabbit's "pronounced nipples". Why? FML

#20848347
56 comments

I agree, your life sucks (41514) - you deserved it (3732)

On 08/21/2013 at 8:09pm - animals - by Jade (woman) - United States (California)

Today, my drunk mom kicked me out of my own birthday party, calling me a "party-pooper" and saying I was killing everyone's buzz. FML

#20843210
39 comments

I agree, your life sucks (41510) - you deserved it (4105)

On 08/18/2013 at 2:22pm - misc - by 12345678910 (man) - United States (New York)

Today, I got my girlfriend to play Smash Bros Brawl with me. As it was her first time, I set up handicaps to give her at least a shot at winning. She won, quite handily. A little irritated at this, I took off the handicaps and tried again. She beat me even faster. FML

#20847705
149 comments

I agree, your life sucks (41431) - you deserved it (24675)

On 08/21/2013 at 11:17am - misc - by Loser (man) - United States

Today, I went to my car to get a few things, when I discovered it had been broken into. Nothing of value was taken. My window was busted in just for a pack of cigarettes, a lighter, and my car ash tray. FML

#20833889
140 comments

I agree, your life sucks (41229) - you deserved it (6561)

On 08/12/2013 at 2:54pm - misc - by amayasoma - United States (Louisiana)

Today, I discovered I have epilepsy. 10 years ago, I told my mother about my frequent fits of vertigo, deja vu, nausea, flashes of memory and strange sounds, smells, and images, coupled with an other-worldly feeling. I thought they were holy visions. So did she. FML

Today, I accidentally hit an elderly man while driving. The police came, and five minutes later I was told that he confessed to walking in the middle of the road to get hit and claim compensation. He was fine, but I still got charged for hitting a pedestrian. FML

#20843576
89 comments

I agree, your life sucks (40899) - you deserved it (4532)

On 08/18/2013 at 7:23pm - misc - by FMLdude - Australia (New South Wales)

Today, my OCD manager sprayed my hands with chemicals because I touched the bin while throwing away a piece of paper. My hands are now covered in itchy, unattractive rashes. FML

#20833453
99 comments

I agree, your life sucks (40822) - you deserved it (3021)

On 08/12/2013 at 7:19am - work - by nearly a crazy lady - United Kingdom



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