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Wednesday 14 August 2013

Top of the day | Top of the week | Top of the month | All time

Today, my husband bought me a present for our three year anniversary. It was a pack of 20 cigarettes. I don't smoke. He does. FML

#20846337
74 comments

I agree, your life sucks (50481) - you deserved it (8562)

On 08/20/2013 at 1:38pm - love - by LizzyJones - United Kingdom (Derby)

Today, my 16-year-old brother managed to convince my 22-year-old boyfriend that I breastfeed my pet parrot. FML

#20835369
112 comments

I agree, your life sucks (50120) - you deserved it (5100)

On 08/13/2013 at 12:51pm - animals - by Anonymous - Canada (Ontario)

Today, I found out that apparently I'm in Miami. I am also enjoying a five-star hotel and all of its services. Only one problem: I'm still here, stuck in a small suburban town. F*ck identity theft. FML

#20844068
61 comments

I agree, your life sucks (49551) - you deserved it (2865)

On 08/19/2013 at 12:30am - misc - by iwannagotomiamitoo - United States (Massachusetts)

Today, while at a concert, my boyfriend got mad and jealous because I kept looking at the singer instead of him. He still won't talk to me. FML

#20834941
111 comments

I agree, your life sucks (49483) - you deserved it (6232)

On 08/13/2013 at 2:58am - love - by really? - United States

Today, I attended the reading of my grandfather's last will and testament. My parents, as well as my brothers and sister, all inherited a nice sum of money. I got 69 cents, because "young Jack always was an immature little shit." FML

#20840692
112 comments

I agree, your life sucks (48940) - you deserved it (20119)

On 08/16/2013 at 6:21pm - money - by JacksWag4 (man) - United States (Michigan)

Today, I got fired from my job at an age care facility because I was too nice to my residents. My boss told me "They're deaf, blind and about to jump head first into the grave. We don't pay you to be kind." FML

#20842873
155 comments

I agree, your life sucks (48771) - you deserved it (2712)

On 08/18/2013 at 7:43am - work - by sweet23 (woman) - Australia (Queensland)

Today, I got rejected for a job because they claimed I faked my entire resume. Their excuse? I'm too pretty to be smart. FML

#20848570
82 comments

I agree, your life sucks (48762) - you deserved it (4312)

On 08/21/2013 at 10:45pm - work - by baconbxtch (woman) - United States (Florida)

Today, while cleaning my ears with Q-tips, I came in my pants. FML

#20835942
149 comments

I agree, your life sucks (48285) - you deserved it (17221)

On 08/13/2013 at 7:53pm - intimacy - by ANON (man) - United States (California)

Today, I went on a date with a guy I really liked. The date was going great until he decided to try flossing his teeth with my hair. FML

#20835321
97 comments

I agree, your life sucks (48266) - you deserved it (3916)

On 08/13/2013 at 12:07pm - love - by hairless by death - United States (California)

Today, my 7-year-old son proudly announced that he had laid an egg during the night. I checked. He'd simply shat the bed. FML

#20835170
80 comments

I agree, your life sucks (48142) - you deserved it (3801) - Translated from the french version of FML. Bon appétit!

On 08/13/2013 at 4:49am - kids - by Anonymous - Sent from mobile version

Today, I met up with my estranged father for the first time in almost 15 years. I saw him again later, while he was robbing my house. FML

Today, I had a group presentation. I kept zipping my jacket up and down nervously. As I waited for my turn, I realized a bunch of classmates staring at me. I forgot that in the morning rush, I only put on a jacket. I only had a bra on underneath. FML

Today, I received a phone call that started with, "Now stay calm... Your house is on fire." FML

#20834558
73 comments

I agree, your life sucks (47540) - you deserved it (2563)

On 08/12/2013 at 10:54pm - misc - by Anonymous - United States (Colorado)



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