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Friday 2 August 2013

Top of the day | Top of the week | Top of the month | All time

Today, I bought a device that plays a high-pitched sound to teach my dog to quit barking. She's smart enough to learn that as long as she barks loud enough and long enough, she can't hear it. Quite the opposite effect to what I was anticipating. FML

#20811031
106 comments

I agree, your life sucks (45938) - you deserved it (6490)

On 07/30/2013 at 2:42am - animals - by Bug8Frog - United States (Alaska)

Today, a man pulled a knife on me just so he could mug me of the cigarette I was smoking. FML

#20829596
154 comments

I agree, your life sucks (45773) - you deserved it (7594)

On 08/09/2013 at 7:29pm - health - by Anonymous (man) - Switzerland

Today, I tried to give my husband a striptease for his birthday. I wound up tripping over my own panties and nearly dislocating my shoulder. FML

#20815680
92 comments

I agree, your life sucks (45302) - you deserved it (9055)

On 08/01/2013 at 6:29pm - health - by Anonymous (woman) - Mexico (Distrito Federal)

Today, I was at a piano lesson playing a song I had worked very hard to make perfect. Halfway through, my teacher abruptly stops me and asks, "Did you notice that I rearranged the furniture?" FML

#20811045
71 comments

I agree, your life sucks (45070) - you deserved it (3670)

On 07/30/2013 at 2:52am - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Illinois)

Today, some aggressive asshole was tailgating me on my way home, bumping into me twice. I got scared and kicked my car into high gear and got out of there. Seconds later, a traffic cop came out of nowhere and pulled me over for speeding. FML

#20820283
85 comments

I agree, your life sucks (45046) - you deserved it (8598)

On 08/04/2013 at 12:53pm - misc - by no, don't save me or nothing (man) - Canada (Ontario)

Today, I was trying to explain to my mom that I've been having panic attacks. I ended up having a panic attack from talking about having a panic attack. FML

#20821432
61 comments

I agree, your life sucks (44967) - you deserved it (4701)

On 08/05/2013 at 1:11am - health - by seriously? - United States (Ohio)

Today, my girlfriend's dad pulled out the chocolate flavoured condom that went missing under the couch. FML

#20819772
81 comments

I agree, your life sucks (44956) - you deserved it (19455)

On 08/04/2013 at 1:36am - intimacy - by Anon - Australia (Western Australia)

Today, I let my son take my car out for a spin, since he just got his licence. He didn't make it out of our street before totaling it. FML

#20828881
109 comments

I agree, your life sucks (44764) - you deserved it (14712)

On 08/09/2013 at 10:22am - money - by Anonymous (man) - Canada (British Columbia)

Today, I have an orthodontist's appointment, and I told my best friend that I was going to get my teeth fixed. She replied, "Wow, thanks. Your smile's really awful to have to look at." FML

#20825319
67 comments

I agree, your life sucks (44614) - you deserved it (4248)

On 08/07/2013 at 10:26am - misc - by Bethany - United States

Today, I was told that I have to apply to keep the job that I've held for the past two years. There are so many other applicants that it's basically a free-for-all. FML

#20813366
57 comments

I agree, your life sucks (44534) - you deserved it (3236)

On 07/31/2013 at 12:47pm - work - by TheStressComesFree (man) - Canada (Alberta)

Today, I asked my surgeon if I would be having a general or local anesthetic at my upcoming operation. He replied, "General, of course! It's gonna be a slaughterhouse in there!" FML

#20824490
98 comments

I agree, your life sucks (44363) - you deserved it (3920) - Translated from the french version of FML. Bon appétit!

On 08/06/2013 at 5:59pm - health - by pong - France (Midi-Pyrenees)

Today, I actually had to explain to two of my friends that neither Alaska nor Nebraska are in Canada. I think I need new friends. FML

#20827400
101 comments

I agree, your life sucks (44156) - you deserved it (5163)

On 08/08/2013 at 2:52pm - misc - by ROBERT (man) - United States (New Jersey)

Today, my hamster had babies. I came home just in time to witness her kick the mutilated bodies of her two babies out of her house, then crawl back in and go to sleep. Now my sister refuses to touch her and calls her a "baby-eating demon." FML

#20818742
115 comments

I agree, your life sucks (44083) - you deserved it (4122)

On 08/03/2013 at 1:59pm - animals - by Anonymous - United States (Florida)



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