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Friday 2 August 2013

Top of the day | Top of the week | Top of the month | All time

Today, as a joke, my friend put my bus money in the vending machine. Not only did the machine not return my money, it wouldn't give me an item in return. FML

#20823746
70 comments

I agree, your life sucks (44129) - you deserved it (4178)

On 08/06/2013 at 12:20pm - misc - by Eodowoiono (man) - United States (Iowa)

Today, I finally gave away all of the stuffed animals that I've been hoarding for years. Proud, I told my family. They congratulated me by buying me stuffed animals. FML

#20812476
54 comments

I agree, your life sucks (43970) - you deserved it (4474)

On 07/30/2013 at 11:06pm - misc - by TheSacredTeddyBear (woman) - United States (Ohio)

Today, my boyfriend took me to dinner. There was a beautifully decorated table with rose petals and a huge bouquet and he told me he had ordered all this for me. I'd never felt so special. That is, until I had to get up for the couple whose table it actually was. FML

#20810418
56 comments

I agree, your life sucks (43943) - you deserved it (3204)

On 07/29/2013 at 9:10pm - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States

Today, I was video chatting with my boyfriend and his friends. When I stood up, he told his friend "See, she's not a twig!" I jokingly replied with, "So I'm fat?" After a few seconds of silence, his friend yelled, "It's a trap!" and left the chat. FML

#20825004
116 comments

I agree, your life sucks (43941) - you deserved it (13910)

On 08/07/2013 at 2:04am - misc - by ImNotFat - United States (Pennsylvania)

Today, I was at the store with my kids. My 5-year-old son wanted to carry the milk carton, so I let him. He dropped it and it spilled. I was really embarrassed. Then he decided to get on the floor and lick the milk off the ground. Everyone stared at me accusingly. FML

#20819263
63 comments

I agree, your life sucks (43830) - you deserved it (6633)

On 08/03/2013 at 8:46pm - kids - by Anonymous - United States (California)

Today, I showed the kids I was babysitting a picture of my daughter, and the little girl asked, "You have a baby in your belly?" I said, "No, she's not in my belly anymore," and the little girl replied, "But it's BIG," and patted my stomach. FML

#20817997
65 comments

I agree, your life sucks (43762) - you deserved it (7719)

On 08/03/2013 at 12:29am - kids - by kimm1993 (woman) - United States (Illinois)

Today, I was trying to be sexy in the bathtub for my boyfriend. I leaned back and caught my hair on fire with the candle. FML

#20818297
80 comments

I agree, your life sucks (43674) - you deserved it (14510)

On 08/03/2013 at 4:40am - love - by Msmerfner - United States (California)

Today, my grandma told everyone at our party to stay away from me, saying, "Ya might catch obesity from her and become fatass porkers too." I complained to my dad, at which point my gran faked being inebriated. My dad rolled his eyes and said, "She's DRUNK, honey. Chill out." FML

#20815079
98 comments

I agree, your life sucks (43639) - you deserved it (5171)

On 08/01/2013 at 10:46am - misc - by fuckoffgran (woman) - Ireland

Today, my boss suspended me for laughing too hard at my desk and causing a big scene in front of our customers. I was laughing because he'd forwarded me a hilarious email. He was practically smirking as he handed me my official warning. FML

#20815357
53 comments

I agree, your life sucks (43431) - you deserved it (4021)

On 08/01/2013 at 2:25pm - misc - by hangman (man) - United Kingdom (London, City of)

Today, I stepped out of the house for some fresh air. It was still dark out, so imagine my horror when I accidentally stepped on a frog. It squealed for a split second before being crushed beneath my uncovered foot. FML

#20822322
94 comments

I agree, your life sucks (43225) - you deserved it (6131)

On 08/05/2013 at 4:21pm - animals - by traumatizedforlife (woman) - United States

Today, my parents held a big family dinner at our house. Being the only underage person there, I had to sit there while everyone got progressively drunker and started commenting on how eerily similar I look to Shamu the whale. FML

#20821917
78 comments

I agree, your life sucks (43019) - you deserved it (4243)

On 08/05/2013 at 11:33am - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States

Today, I copied some files to my phone while borrowing my grandfather's laptop. As I selectively deleted the files from the recycle bin, I noticed some pictures, and ended up seeing way more than I wanted to of his erect penis. FML

#20829072
71 comments

I agree, your life sucks (43018) - you deserved it (9026)

On 08/09/2013 at 1:23pm - intimacy - by whyyjustwhy - Estonia (Harjumaa)

Today, a man pulled a knife on me just so he could mug me of the cigarette I was smoking. FML

#20829596
152 comments

I agree, your life sucks (42841) - you deserved it (7178)

On 08/09/2013 at 7:29pm - health - by Anonymous (man) - Switzerland



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