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Friday 2 August 2013

Top of the day | Top of the week | Top of the month | All time

Today, my mom's dog saw a cat in our yard. I watched as he tried to jump at it, only to smack face-first into the window. He did this twice more before curling up on the floor and whimpering pitifully. When my mom came in and saw him there, and me laughing, she accused me of beating him. FML

#20822442
54 comments

I agree, your life sucks (44849) - you deserved it (6713)

On 08/05/2013 at 5:36pm - animals - by Anonymous (man) - Sweden (Dalarnas Lan)

Today, I was in the restroom at work, snickering at some funny stories on my phone while I took a dump. Little did I know that the asshole in the next stall would report me to our boss, claiming he'd heard weird noises, then looked over the divider and witnessed me jacking off to porn. FML

#20829508
83 comments

I agree, your life sucks (44802) - you deserved it (7063)

On 08/09/2013 at 6:17pm - work - by fired (man) -

Today, my family and I went to feed carrots to the giraffes at the zoo. After I finished my first cup of carrots, I turned back to get some more. Suddenly, I was jerked back and a chunk of my hair was ripped out. The giraffe mistook the orange barrette in my hair for a carrot. FML

#20809312
79 comments

I agree, your life sucks (44748) - you deserved it (9638)

On 07/29/2013 at 4:19am - animals - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Illinois)

Today, I copied some files to my phone while borrowing my grandfather's laptop. As I selectively deleted the files from the recycle bin, I noticed some pictures, and ended up seeing way more than I wanted to of his erect penis. FML

#20829072
71 comments

I agree, your life sucks (44681) - you deserved it (9301)

On 08/09/2013 at 1:23pm - intimacy - by whyyjustwhy - Estonia (Harjumaa)

Today, a man pulled a knife on me just so he could mug me of the cigarette I was smoking. FML

#20829596
152 comments

I agree, your life sucks (44463) - you deserved it (7415)

On 08/09/2013 at 7:29pm - health - by Anonymous (man) - Switzerland

Today, I stepped out of the house for some fresh air. It was still dark out, so imagine my horror when I accidentally stepped on a frog. It squealed for a split second before being crushed beneath my uncovered foot. FML

#20822322
95 comments

I agree, your life sucks (44408) - you deserved it (6281)

On 08/05/2013 at 4:21pm - animals - by traumatizedforlife (woman) - United States

Today, I let a friend read a draft of the novel I'm writing. She claimed the antagonist is blatantly based on her, and threatened to sue me if I don't pay her royalties. The antagonist is an ancient, insane goblin witch. I guess I see now how this confusion could arise. FML

#20829558
72 comments

I agree, your life sucks (44353) - you deserved it (3181)

On 08/09/2013 at 6:53pm - work - by pardon my English :$ (woman) - France

Today, as a joke, my friend put my bus money in the vending machine. Not only did the machine not return my money, it wouldn't give me an item in return. FML

#20823746
70 comments

I agree, your life sucks (44315) - you deserved it (4192)

On 08/06/2013 at 12:20pm - misc - by Eodowoiono (man) - United States (Iowa)

Today, I finally gave away all of the stuffed animals that I've been hoarding for years. Proud, I told my family. They congratulated me by buying me stuffed animals. FML

#20812476
54 comments

I agree, your life sucks (44149) - you deserved it (4490)

On 07/30/2013 at 11:06pm - misc - by TheSacredTeddyBear (woman) - United States (Ohio)

Today, my boyfriend took me to dinner. There was a beautifully decorated table with rose petals and a huge bouquet and he told me he had ordered all this for me. I'd never felt so special. That is, until I had to get up for the couple whose table it actually was. FML

#20810418
55 comments

I agree, your life sucks (44142) - you deserved it (3214)

On 07/29/2013 at 9:10pm - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States

Today, I was video chatting with my boyfriend and his friends. When I stood up, he told his friend "See, she's not a twig!" I jokingly replied with, "So I'm fat?" After a few seconds of silence, his friend yelled, "It's a trap!" and left the chat. FML

#20825004
119 comments

I agree, your life sucks (44116) - you deserved it (13951)

On 08/07/2013 at 2:04am - misc - by ImNotFat - United States (Pennsylvania)

Today, I bought a device that plays a high-pitched sound to teach my dog to quit barking. She's smart enough to learn that as long as she barks loud enough and long enough, she can't hear it. Quite the opposite effect to what I was anticipating. FML

#20811031
105 comments

I agree, your life sucks (44013) - you deserved it (6214)

On 07/30/2013 at 2:42am - animals - by Bug8Frog - United States (Alaska)

Today, I was at the store with my kids. My 5-year-old son wanted to carry the milk carton, so I let him. He dropped it and it spilled. I was really embarrassed. Then he decided to get on the floor and lick the milk off the ground. Everyone stared at me accusingly. FML

#20819263
63 comments

I agree, your life sucks (43992) - you deserved it (6657)

On 08/03/2013 at 8:46pm - kids - by Anonymous - United States (California)



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