Submit your FML story

  • - Concept: An anecdote always starts with Today and ends with FML. There are no taboo subjects, feel free to express yourself.
  • - CAUTION: Read your message over. Please don't use text language and avoid making too many spelling mistakes.
  • - Please note that spam and nonsensical stories will result in you being blocked from accessing FML.
Your nick:
Categories :
Man or woman?

Choose a category

Agreed | Deserved | Commented | Favorited

Choose the period

Friday 2 August 2013

Top of the day | Top of the week | Top of the month | All time

Today, my family and I went to feed carrots to the giraffes at the zoo. After I finished my first cup of carrots, I turned back to get some more. Suddenly, I was jerked back and a chunk of my hair was ripped out. The giraffe mistook the orange barrette in my hair for a carrot. FML

#20809312
79 comments

I agree, your life sucks (44691) - you deserved it (9634)

On 07/29/2013 at 4:19am - animals - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Illinois)

Today, I copied some files to my phone while borrowing my grandfather's laptop. As I selectively deleted the files from the recycle bin, I noticed some pictures, and ended up seeing way more than I wanted to of his erect penis. FML

#20829072
71 comments

I agree, your life sucks (44592) - you deserved it (9296)

On 08/09/2013 at 1:23pm - intimacy - by whyyjustwhy - Estonia (Harjumaa)

Today, I stepped out of the house for some fresh air. It was still dark out, so imagine my horror when I accidentally stepped on a frog. It squealed for a split second before being crushed beneath my uncovered foot. FML

#20822322
95 comments

I agree, your life sucks (44356) - you deserved it (6274)

On 08/05/2013 at 4:21pm - animals - by traumatizedforlife (woman) - United States

Today, I let a friend read a draft of the novel I'm writing. She claimed the antagonist is blatantly based on her, and threatened to sue me if I don't pay her royalties. The antagonist is an ancient, insane goblin witch. I guess I see now how this confusion could arise. FML

#20829558
72 comments

I agree, your life sucks (44279) - you deserved it (3175)

On 08/09/2013 at 6:53pm - work - by pardon my English :$ (woman) - France

Today, as a joke, my friend put my bus money in the vending machine. Not only did the machine not return my money, it wouldn't give me an item in return. FML

#20823746
70 comments

I agree, your life sucks (44251) - you deserved it (4188)

On 08/06/2013 at 12:20pm - misc - by Eodowoiono (man) - United States (Iowa)

Today, my parents held a big family dinner at our house. Being the only underage person there, I had to sit there while everyone got progressively drunker and started commenting on how eerily similar I look to Shamu the whale. FML

#20821917
79 comments

I agree, your life sucks (44232) - you deserved it (4362)

On 08/05/2013 at 11:33am - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States

Today, I finally gave away all of the stuffed animals that I've been hoarding for years. Proud, I told my family. They congratulated me by buying me stuffed animals. FML

#20812476
54 comments

I agree, your life sucks (44104) - you deserved it (4484)

On 07/30/2013 at 11:06pm - misc - by TheSacredTeddyBear (woman) - United States (Ohio)

Today, my boyfriend took me to dinner. There was a beautifully decorated table with rose petals and a huge bouquet and he told me he had ordered all this for me. I'd never felt so special. That is, until I had to get up for the couple whose table it actually was. FML

#20810418
55 comments

I agree, your life sucks (44086) - you deserved it (3213)

On 07/29/2013 at 9:10pm - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States

Today, I was video chatting with my boyfriend and his friends. When I stood up, he told his friend "See, she's not a twig!" I jokingly replied with, "So I'm fat?" After a few seconds of silence, his friend yelled, "It's a trap!" and left the chat. FML

#20825004
119 comments

I agree, your life sucks (44070) - you deserved it (13938)

On 08/07/2013 at 2:04am - misc - by ImNotFat - United States (Pennsylvania)

Today, I bought a device that plays a high-pitched sound to teach my dog to quit barking. She's smart enough to learn that as long as she barks loud enough and long enough, she can't hear it. Quite the opposite effect to what I was anticipating. FML

#20811031
105 comments

I agree, your life sucks (43965) - you deserved it (6205)

On 07/30/2013 at 2:42am - animals - by Bug8Frog - United States (Alaska)

Today, I was at the store with my kids. My 5-year-old son wanted to carry the milk carton, so I let him. He dropped it and it spilled. I was really embarrassed. Then he decided to get on the floor and lick the milk off the ground. Everyone stared at me accusingly. FML

#20819263
63 comments

I agree, your life sucks (43947) - you deserved it (6653)

On 08/03/2013 at 8:46pm - kids - by Anonymous - United States (California)

Today, I showed the kids I was babysitting a picture of my daughter, and the little girl asked, "You have a baby in your belly?" I said, "No, she's not in my belly anymore," and the little girl replied, "But it's BIG," and patted my stomach. FML

#20817997
66 comments

I agree, your life sucks (43915) - you deserved it (7737)

On 08/03/2013 at 12:29am - kids - by kimm1993 (woman) - United States (Illinois)

Today, a man pulled a knife on me just so he could mug me of the cigarette I was smoking. FML

#20829596
151 comments

I agree, your life sucks (43721) - you deserved it (7288)

On 08/09/2013 at 7:29pm - health - by Anonymous (man) - Switzerland



FML's blog

  • FML's Question Time #2: School
  • We tried this before and it went pretty well, so here's another blog section for everyone to have give their opinion on a popular but controversial subject. OK, we're not debating a…

Thursday 23 April 2015

The whole blog

FMyLife, world tour

Available on: