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Friday 26 July 2013

Top of the day | Top of the week | Top of the month | All time

Today, I returned from a long business trip a day early to surprise my wife. She was sleeping, so I climbed into bed and started spooning her. Thinking I was an intruder, she simultaneously kicked me in the groin, elbowed me in the ribs, and smacked the back of her head into my jaw. FML

#20805942
142 comments

I agree, your life sucks (43663) - you deserved it (24616)

On 07/27/2013 at 4:03am - love - by good_aim (man) - United States (California)

Today, I went camping with my family. While I was using the shower house, my sister decided it'd be hilarious to run off with my clothes and towel. I ran back to the camper, completely naked, only for my parents to bitch me out for streaking. FML

#20803187
61 comments

I agree, your life sucks (43627) - you deserved it (3320)

On 07/25/2013 at 4:33pm - misc - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Oregon)

Today, my boss suspended me for laughing too hard at my desk and causing a big scene in front of our customers. I was laughing because he'd forwarded me a hilarious email. He was practically smirking as he handed me my official warning. FML

#20815357
53 comments

I agree, your life sucks (43591) - you deserved it (4036)

On 08/01/2013 at 2:25pm - misc - by hangman (man) - United Kingdom (London, City of)

Today, I won an award for Employee of the Month. Shocked, I asked my boss if he'd gotten my name mixed up or something. He had. FML

#20797671
64 comments

I agree, your life sucks (43473) - you deserved it (9712)

On 07/22/2013 at 2:29pm - work - by FUCK (woman) - United States (Illinois)

Today, I was at a piano lesson playing a song I had worked very hard to make perfect. Halfway through, my teacher abruptly stops me and asks, "Did you notice that I rearranged the furniture?" FML

#20811045
72 comments

I agree, your life sucks (43201) - you deserved it (3476)

On 07/30/2013 at 2:52am - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Illinois)

Today, I confessed to losing my wife's engagement ring, and replacing it with a lookalike months ago. My wife also confessed that her actual engagement ring was locked in the safe, and the one I lost had been a fake. I've been paying the replacement off on my credit card for 6 months. FML

#20798091
88 comments

I agree, your life sucks (42969) - you deserved it (13110)

On 07/22/2013 at 6:30pm - love - by RonnieG (man) - United States (Florida)

Today, I was preparing a customer's meal in my restaurant's kitchen, when I choked on my own saliva and went into a coughing fit. The head chef, who's always hated my guts, accused me of trying to hock a loogie into the meal and fired me on the spot. FML

#20807935
62 comments

I agree, your life sucks (42680) - you deserved it (3136)

On 07/28/2013 at 12:23pm - work - by fuckthisandfuckthatandfuckyoutoo (man) - United States

Today, I was walking home from the store when I saw my uncle. I went over and gave him a surprise hug. He grabbed my ass. He wasn't really my uncle. FML

#20809869
73 comments

I agree, your life sucks (42592) - you deserved it (19699)

On 07/29/2013 at 3:07pm - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States

Today, I was told that I have to apply to keep the job that I've held for the past two years. There are so many other applicants that it's basically a free-for-all. FML

#20813366
56 comments

I agree, your life sucks (42446) - you deserved it (3070)

On 07/31/2013 at 12:47pm - work - by TheStressComesFree (man) - Canada (Alberta)

Today, I was going so slow in traffic that my GPS asked me if I wanted to switch to pedestrian mode. FML

#20801861
68 comments

I agree, your life sucks (42442) - you deserved it (7610)

On 07/24/2013 at 9:31pm - misc - by anonymous - United States (Illinois)

Today, I got a call from the police. Apparently my son tried robbing a teenage couple, but wound up getting his ass beat by both of them. I don't know what's worse, that my 32-year-old son is a criminal, or that he got it handed to him by 15-year-olds. FML

#20797971
106 comments

I agree, your life sucks (42369) - you deserved it (5006)

On 07/22/2013 at 5:06pm - kids - by Parentalfailure (man) - United States (North Carolina)

Today, I tried to give my husband a striptease for his birthday. I wound up tripping over my own panties and nearly dislocating my shoulder. FML

#20815680
92 comments

I agree, your life sucks (42313) - you deserved it (8585)

On 08/01/2013 at 6:29pm - health - by Anonymous (woman) - Mexico (Distrito Federal)

Today, on his way out of our apartment, my roommate's friend reached over and grabbed a handful of my popcorn. I was only mildly annoyed, until a little later, when I pulled out from between my teeth what could only have been a pubic hair. FML

#20808032
70 comments

I agree, your life sucks (41886) - you deserved it (3158)

On 07/28/2013 at 1:38pm - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - Slovenia (Ruse Commune)



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