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Friday 26 July 2013

Top of the day | Top of the week | Top of the month | All time

Today, my family and I visited my cousins in Virginia. When we arrived, we found that they already had guests over. I've stuttered my whole life, so when they asked me what my name was, I stuttered for several seconds trying to say my name. Everyone burst out laughing. FML

#20805698
110 comments

I agree, your life sucks (52171) - you deserved it (3411)

On 07/27/2013 at 12:47am - misc - by Odnel (man) - United States (Virginia)

Today, I found out that even though my boyfriend thinks that peeing on me in the shower is acceptable, he will still freak out and call me disgusting if I try to use the toilet while he's taking a shower. FML

#20801125
104 comments

I agree, your life sucks (51980) - you deserved it (5911)

On 07/24/2013 at 12:36pm - intimacy - by Anonymous - United States (Alaska)

Today, I finally talked my boyfriend into going down on me. Everything went well until I came and instinctively gripped his head with my thighs. He panicked and we both rolled off of the bed crocodile-style. Now he's too scared to even have sex with me. FML

#20816318
113 comments

I agree, your life sucks (51722) - you deserved it (11179)

On 08/02/2013 at 12:39am - intimacy - by whyeventry? (woman) - United States (Wisconsin)

Today, the guy whose son I babysat for six hours straight confessed to being broke, then actually asked if he could pay me with sex instead. FML

#20797604
109 comments

I agree, your life sucks (51589) - you deserved it (3907)

On 07/22/2013 at 1:47pm - work - by nowimbroketoo (woman) - Australia (Victoria)

Today, I was reading in my apartment. Due to a heatwave and my lack of AC, I was completely naked. My cat jumped onto my lap, and as her claws dug into my stomach, I recoiled. This caused her to retreat, clawing at my nether regions in the process. My pussy mauled my pussy. FML

#20810087
188 comments

I agree, your life sucks (51320) - you deserved it (11685)

On 07/29/2013 at 5:18pm - animals - by Anonymous (woman) - United States

Today, I was reassuring my girlfriend that I wasn't cheating on her because I was sneaking around. I'm actually just planning a surprise birthday party for her. During the reassuring, I accidentally called her another girl's name. FML

#20797095
74 comments

I agree, your life sucks (50938) - you deserved it (27365)

On 07/22/2013 at 4:47am - love - by Anonymous (man) - United Kingdom (Cambridgeshire)

Today, my girlfriend dumped me for no real reason via text message. A few hours later, she updated her relationship status on Facebook to "in a relationship." Her new "boyfriend"? Her cat. A mutual friend commented, "Well, he's better than that idiot you had before." FML

#20816836
105 comments

I agree, your life sucks (50925) - you deserved it (5567)

On 08/02/2013 at 10:53am - love - by tkghan (man) - United States (Massachusetts)

Today, I sold ice cream to a group of kids. One of them looked sad, because he was the only one who couldn't buy any, so I gave him some for free. Apparently, he was allergic to something in it, and ended up being rushed to the hospital. FML

#20799539
152 comments

I agree, your life sucks (50674) - you deserved it (6806)

On 07/23/2013 at 2:28pm - work - by Snarty (man) - United States

Today, I learned that my wife used to strip while in college. I found this out when I brought her to a work party and my boss recognized her. FML

#20800769
110 comments

I agree, your life sucks (50591) - you deserved it (3861)

On 07/24/2013 at 3:33am - misc - by Anonymous (man) - United States (California)

Today, my sister backed out of my wedding because it was becoming too much about me. After I begged her to reconsider, I had no choice but to pick a new bridesmaid. When my new bridesmaid posted on Facebook how excited she was, my sister commented, "See, you made HER feel special." FML

#20802578
164 comments

I agree, your life sucks (50328) - you deserved it (3583)

On 07/25/2013 at 6:55am - misc - by chumpslolo - United States (Ohio)

Today, I met the most beautiful girl I've ever seen on the beach. I was nervous, but I just smiled and said, "Hey, you're really pretty." Then I let out a horrific fart. FML

#20816798
84 comments

I agree, your life sucks (50268) - you deserved it (10643)

On 08/02/2013 at 9:58am - misc - by YouSoSmelly (man) - United States (North Carolina)

Today, I went out and met somebody. We got talking and we both realized we are each the ideal romantic partner for the other. The only problem is we are both straight men. FML

#20809215
153 comments

I agree, your life sucks (50078) - you deserved it (7423)

On 07/29/2013 at 2:35am - love - by confusedmofo - Indonesia

Today, I was watching my 3-year-old sister play in the bathtub. She started screaming at her toys, saying "You're staying under the water until you DIE!" She then looked at me and cackled. I share a room with this demon child. FML

#20814477
77 comments

I agree, your life sucks (49865) - you deserved it (3683)

On 08/01/2013 at 12:03am - kids - by ktiskool (woman) - United States (Missouri)



Zach Stafford's illustrated FML

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Friday 17 October 2014

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