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Thursday 11 July 2013

Top of the day | Top of the week | Top of the month | All time

Today, while ironing some shirts, my cat decided to hop up and investigate. To prevent him from burning himself, I instinctively moved the iron away and placed it flat on my other hand. FML

#20773891
87 comments

I agree, your life sucks (39662) - you deserved it (12123)

On 07/10/2013 at 4:58am - animals - by kutekittykatz (woman) - South Africa (Gauteng)

Today, I told my girlfriend about my extreme fear of flying roaches. She immediately got upset because she thought, since I'm from the Caribbean, I would be "manlier" and "eat stuff like that for breakfast". FML

#20783934
102 comments

I agree, your life sucks (39410) - you deserved it (3918)

On 07/15/2013 at 9:41am - misc - by sammy77sam (man) - Saint Kitts and Nevis (Saint George Basseterre)

Today, I found out why my girlfriend has lost interest in our relationship. She's found out she likes drinking. A lot. FML

#20783573
78 comments

I agree, your life sucks (39314) - you deserved it (3449)

On 07/15/2013 at 2:15am - love - by Anonymous - United States (Kentucky)

Today, my boyfriend insisted that I start calling him "Professor Fucktard" in the bedroom. He seems to be dead serious about it. FML

#20777932
104 comments

I agree, your life sucks (38718) - you deserved it (4756)

On 07/12/2013 at 4:15pm - misc - by O_O (woman) - United States (Ohio)

Today, I got mauled by some wild animals and had to get my butt cheek stitched up. The embarrassment doesn't end there though; the animals in question were kittens. The nurses on duty laughed and the entire ward found out. FML

#20770807
106 comments

I agree, your life sucks (38493) - you deserved it (5716)

On 07/08/2013 at 4:00pm - animals - by richardmrcs (man) - United Kingdom (Bradford)

Today, after mowing my neighbor's lawn for 3 years for free without being asked to, he finally came out while I was in the middle of it. Expecting a "Thank you" or some cash, he instead said, "You missed a spot" and walked back inside. FML

Today, after recovering from pneumonia and a severe asthma attack caused by my dad's fiancée's cat, he chose to keep the cat. I can't go to his house without having to go to the hospital later. FML

#20781390
108 comments

I agree, your life sucks (38117) - you deserved it (3031)

On 07/14/2013 at 1:35am - health - by coughcough - United States

Today, while lying in bed, my boyfriend began to stroke my nose. "You can pick your girlfriend, but you can't pick your girlfriend's nose," I said playfully. In response, he shouted "Yes, I can!" before painfully jamming his pinky up my left nostril. FML

#20789918
81 comments

I agree, your life sucks (38096) - you deserved it (13384)

On 07/18/2013 at 3:41am - misc - by booger (woman) - United States (Texas)

Today, an old lady steamrolled over my foot with her wheelchair, then laughed as she slowly rolled away, leaving my toes in ruins. FML

#20788409
63 comments

I agree, your life sucks (38039) - you deserved it (2996)

On 07/17/2013 at 1:38pm - health - by Anonymous - United States (Ohio)

Today, I was doing a demonstration in front of my taekwondo class because I'm flexible. Really flexible. I kneed myself in the face and broke my nose. FML

#20779010
68 comments

I agree, your life sucks (37635) - you deserved it (8965)

On 07/13/2013 at 12:37am - health - by Anonymous - Canada (Ontario)

Today, while wiping my ass, the broken finger that has been set straight dipped into the toilet and touched a turd. This keeps happening since I broke it, and I'm sure it will again. FML

#20790784
183 comments

I agree, your life sucks (37629) - you deserved it (10169)

On 07/18/2013 at 4:53pm - health - by broken finger (man) - United States

Today, I discovered that my 8-year old is not fully toilet trained when a turd fell out of his pants, shortly after introducing him to his new babysitter. FML

#20787181
73 comments

I agree, your life sucks (37446) - you deserved it (7786)

On 07/16/2013 at 9:55pm - kids - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Washington)

Today, my grandmother, who has Alzheimer's, cornered me in the kitchen and called the cops. My crime? Robbery, of my own house. FML

#20786208
64 comments


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