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Thursday 11 July 2013

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Today, I got home from a week-long vacation with my friend's family. When I got back home, I found the garage door had been completely demolished. My uncontrollably drunk dad blamed me. I don't even drive. FML

by nice one / 07/14/2013 at 1:51pm / United States (Tennessee) / Holidays

Today, my boyfriend insisted that I start calling him "Professor Fucktard" in the bedroom. He seems to be dead serious about it. FML

by O_O / 07/12/2013 at 4:15pm / United States (Ohio) / Miscellaneous

Today, I went to the pool. As I started going up the steps to use the water slide, a kid no older than 10 yanked my swim trunks down to "see what's down there." FML

by Blizzards / 07/14/2013 at 1:29am / United States (Maryland) / Miscellaneous

This FML has been commented on by its original poster.

Today, an old lady steamrolled over my foot with her wheelchair, then laughed as she slowly rolled away, leaving my toes in ruins. FML

by Anonymous / 07/17/2013 at 1:38pm / United States (Ohio) / Health

Today, after recovering from pneumonia and a severe asthma attack caused by my dad's fiancée's cat, he chose to keep the cat. I can't go to his house without having to go to the hospital later. FML

by coughcough / 07/14/2013 at 1:35am / United States / Health

Today, I had to break up a fist fight between two female residents. I work in a retirement home. FML

by Anonymous / 07/18/2013 at 9:03pm / United States (Oregon) / Work

Today, my grandmother, who has Alzheimer's, cornered me in the kitchen and called the cops. My crime? Robbery, of my own house. FML

by ScenicSubterfuge / 07/16/2013 at 12:01pm / United States (Texas) / Miscellaneous

This FML has been commented on by its original poster.

Today, I was doing a demonstration in front of my taekwondo class because I'm flexible. Really flexible. I kneed myself in the face and broke my nose. FML

by Anonymous / 07/13/2013 at 12:37am / Canada (Ontario) / Health

Today, I discovered that my 8-year old is not fully toilet trained when a turd fell out of his pants, shortly after introducing him to his new babysitter. FML

by Anonymous / 07/16/2013 at 9:55pm / United States (Washington) / Kids

Today, I found out why my girlfriend has lost interest in our relationship. She's found out she likes drinking. A lot. FML

by Anonymous / 07/15/2013 at 2:15am / United States (Kentucky) / Love

Today, I was verbally abused by a customer because her entrée was too fishy. I'm not the chef, just the waiter and I work at a fish grill. FML

by NathanA / 07/08/2013 at 7:54pm / United States (California) / Work

Today, after mowing my neighbor's lawn for 3 years for free without being asked to, he finally came out while I was in the middle of it. Expecting a "Thank you" or some cash, he instead said, "You missed a spot" and walked back inside. FML

by cyn1cal99 / 07/18/2013 at 10:27pm / United States (Kansas) / Work

This FML has been commented on by its original poster.

Today, while lifeguarding at my local beach, I noticed someone having difficulty swimming back to shore. I ran out and swam him back to shore. Once we were on dry land, he cussed me out for "emasculating" him in front of his girlfriend. FML

by thatkid00117 / 07/15/2013 at 1:15pm / United States (New Jersey) / Work

This FML has been commented on by its original poster.