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Thursday 11 July 2013

Top of the day | Top of the week | Top of the month | All time

Today, I called a tree removal company to have my diseased elm removed. When I got home from work, I was surprised to find it still there. Not as surprised as my neighbor was to discover that his tree was missing, nor as surprised as his children when they saw there was no more tree-house. FML

#20790198
103 comments

I agree, your life sucks (56042) - you deserved it (4204)

On 07/18/2013 at 10:38am - misc - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Washington)

Today, my mom got drunk and punched me in the nose, then yelled at me for bleeding on the carpet. FML

#20777221
124 comments

I agree, your life sucks (55829) - you deserved it (4348)

On 07/12/2013 at 3:22am - misc - by ouch (man) - United States

Today, I got head lice, so I went to a store to buy medicated shampoo. When checking out the cashier saw my shampoo and asked me to leave immediately to protect the other customers. He didn't let me buy the shampoo. FML

#20775381
133 comments

I agree, your life sucks (55756) - you deserved it (3349)

On 07/11/2013 at 12:52am - health - by frustrated - United States (Tennessee)

Today, I finally worked up the courage to ask my crush to a movie. What I didn't realise is that she would bring a "friend" along, and that I would have to sit next to them making out for 2 hours. FML

#20772026
94 comments

I agree, your life sucks (55536) - you deserved it (4574)

On 07/09/2013 at 7:05am - love - by thirdwheel - Australia (Queensland)

Today, my girlfriend of six weeks dumped me when she learned that Macedonia, where I was born, is in Europe. Apparently, she thought that I was "Asian" and she doesn't want to date a "white guy." Yeah, I'm totally confused too. FML

#20782409
109 comments

I agree, your life sucks (55518) - you deserved it (3682)

On 07/14/2013 at 4:08pm - love - by WTF (man) - United States (Michigan)

Today, I was at the park playing Frisbee with my friends, when I saw a boy sitting on a bench looking rather sad. "Hey!" I yelled, and he looked up at me. I lightly threw the Frisbee in his direction, and it hit him in the face. He was blind. FML

#20788974
117 comments

I agree, your life sucks (54917) - you deserved it (17104)

On 07/17/2013 at 7:15pm - kids - by WasntMe - United States

Today, my 15-year-old birth daughter asked if I've ever had sex. FML

#20774208
144 comments

I agree, your life sucks (54120) - you deserved it (7921)

On 07/10/2013 at 12:38pm - kids - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Ohio)

Today, I felt lousy and decided to give myself a pep-talk in the mirror. After a while, I cheered up and went about my day. I soon found out that my sister had recorded me through the crack of my door and posted the video on Facebook. I'm humiliated. FML

#20777975
109 comments

I agree, your life sucks (53688) - you deserved it (6269)

On 07/12/2013 at 4:40pm - misc - by Suomynona (man) - Germany (Hamburg)

Today, I was stumbling down the street due to arthritic pain, when I accidentally bumped into a man. He turned and yelled, "Watch it, you clumsy, ugly bitch", to which I apologised and told him about my arthritis. He stared at me in confusion, then said, "Well, you're still ugly", and walked off. FML

#20785828
70 comments

I agree, your life sucks (53248) - you deserved it (3684)

On 07/16/2013 at 3:10am - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - Australia (Victoria)

Today, I was playing Monopoly with my kids. It was fun, and led to some mock fights. My neighbor, who despises me for being a single mother, used it as an excuse to call the cops on me for "abusing" my kids. They were too confused to do anything but nod at the officer's accusing questions. FML

#20779851
70 comments

I agree, your life sucks (53028) - you deserved it (3408)

On 07/13/2013 at 12:16pm - kids - by Anonymous (woman) - Puerto Rico

Today, I woke up to a strange noise. I looked over to see my drunk husband standing at the dresser. I asked him what he was doing. "Peeing." I asked him, "In the sock drawer?" There was a pause. "Am I peeing in the wrong drawer?" FML

#20779714
99 comments

I agree, your life sucks (52833) - you deserved it (4354)

On 07/13/2013 at 10:32am - misc - by speechless - United States (Indiana)

Today, I was teaching my daughter how to drive. We were passing by a merge lane; I told her to slow down and let a green car merge in front of us. She said, "Fuck the green car" and sped up, colliding with it. Apparently she didn't know that would happen. FML

#20783255
174 comments

I agree, your life sucks (52755) - you deserved it (6664)

On 07/14/2013 at 11:40pm - kids - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Maryland)

Today, I went to my local pool. I lay down in a chair and started tanning. About 30 minutes later, a lady came up to me and said, "Put that away, you pervert, there are children here!" I had a hole in my pants and my penis had started to poke through. FML

#20772281
108 comments

I agree, your life sucks (52449) - you deserved it (21198)

On 07/09/2013 at 12:07pm - misc - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Texas)



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