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Thursday 11 July 2013

Top of the day | Top of the week | Top of the month | All time

Today, my dog decided to poop while inside a revolving door. Before I could do anything, the door swung around and smeared it everywhere. My dog excels at timing. FML

#20770214
66 comments

I agree, your life sucks (44197) - you deserved it (4213)

On 07/08/2013 at 7:19am - animals - by PerfectTiming - Netherlands (Noord-Brabant)

Today, I got lost, and eventually noticed that I'd passed by the same house a few times. Apparently somebody who lives on that street noticed as well, because the next time I passed by, the police were waiting for me. FML

#20776976
57 comments

I agree, your life sucks (43988) - you deserved it (3919)

On 07/12/2013 at 12:36am - misc - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Louisiana)

Today, I made two cakes. One for my boyfriend's birthday tomorrow, the other for my family so they wouldn't eat the birthday cake. I came home to find they ate half of each. FML

Today, a friend thought it would be funny to make a R.I.P. page for me on Facebook. Most liked post? "Too bad this page is fake." FML

#20771326
79 comments

I agree, your life sucks (43718) - you deserved it (4902)

On 07/08/2013 at 10:02pm - misc - by the hated - United States (New Jersey)

Today, I announced my third pregnancy to my family. My dad's only reaction was to scoff, "Really? Stop breeding already." FML

#20780277
122 comments

I agree, your life sucks (43441) - you deserved it (14365)

On 07/13/2013 at 4:26pm - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - Canada (Ontario)

Today, I had the opportunity to taste a live spider by walking into its web in the dark. FML

#20770695
85 comments

I agree, your life sucks (43384) - you deserved it (4564)

On 07/08/2013 at 2:55pm - misc - by pinkXpress1023 - United Kingdom

Today, after spending weeks working on a song that meant a lot to me, I reluctantly posted it online. The "friend" who'd convinced me to post it, commented, "This is the worst shit I've ever heard." He got 30 likes, along with a barrage of agreeing, equally terrible comments. FML

#20772988
86 comments

I agree, your life sucks (43143) - you deserved it (5118)

On 07/09/2013 at 7:35pm - misc - by tonedef (man) - United States

Today, I was doing stand-up comedy at open mic. The guy I like started laughing, but before I hit my punch line. Apparently, when I was speaking, I was occasionally spitting, and in the very bright light it was easy to see my spit hitting people in the face. They kept a tally. FML

#20787970
43 comments

I agree, your life sucks (42970) - you deserved it (5978)

On 07/17/2013 at 6:06am - love - by sucker and suckatash/say don't spray - United States (Hawaii)

Today, I arrived in Germany for a summer-long stay. The family I'm supposed to stay with had said they spoke fluent English. They don't. I don't speak German. It's going to be a quiet two months. FML

#20772031
126 comments

I agree, your life sucks (42848) - you deserved it (5761)

On 07/09/2013 at 7:18am - misc - by traveling -

Today, I got mauled by some wild animals and had to get my butt cheek stitched up. The embarrassment doesn't end there though; the animals in question were kittens. The nurses on duty laughed and the entire ward found out. FML

#20770807
106 comments

I agree, your life sucks (42835) - you deserved it (6451)

On 07/08/2013 at 4:00pm - animals - by richardmrcs (man) - United Kingdom (Bradford)

Today, while ironing some shirts, my cat decided to hop up and investigate. To prevent him from burning himself, I instinctively moved the iron away and placed it flat on my other hand. FML

#20773891
85 comments

I agree, your life sucks (42712) - you deserved it (13206)

On 07/10/2013 at 4:58am - animals - by kutekittykatz (woman) - South Africa (Gauteng)

Today, I told my girlfriend about my extreme fear of flying roaches. She immediately got upset because she thought, since I'm from the Caribbean, I would be "manlier" and "eat stuff like that for breakfast". FML

#20783934
101 comments

I agree, your life sucks (42537) - you deserved it (4474)

On 07/15/2013 at 9:41am - misc - by sammy77sam (man) - Saint Kitts and Nevis (Saint George Basseterre)

Today, I was marking exams. I then had to explain to many of the students that (a) pigs are not aquatic animals and (b) sharks do not have lungs. These are university students. FML

#20784658
148 comments

I agree, your life sucks (42506) - you deserved it (3692)

On 07/15/2013 at 5:14pm - work - by lame-o-prof (woman) - Canada (Alberta)



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