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Thursday 11 July 2013

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Today, I went to the pool with my son. One moment I'm sitting down, applying sunscreen to my legs, and the next I look up to see him squatting on the diving board, seconds before dropping a deuce into the pool. As we got kicked out, he screamed that it was my fault. FML

by Anonymous / 07/12/2013 at 4:27pm / United States (California) / Kids

Today, I realized my online dating profile has gotten more views with no picture than it has with my picture. FML

by Anonymous / 07/09/2013 at 1:11pm / United States (Michigan) / Love

Today, the guy I was on a date with jokingly challenged me to an arm wrestle. I won. He left. FML

by disataerkatie / 07/15/2013 at 6:30am / United Kingdom (Cardiff) / Love

This FML has been commented on by its original poster.

Today, as I was about to enter a public restroom, a man walked out and said, "You may want to hold your nose in there. I just took the biggest dump of my life." It was the ladies' restroom. FML

by Anonymous / 07/16/2013 at 12:41am / United States / Miscellaneous

Today, I was walking down the street and saw a man trip over a sign. He then grabbed his cane, started screaming, and began beating the sign. Apparently that didn't release his anger, so he began to beat the nearest car. I thought it was hilarious, until I noticed it was my car. FML

by mylifesucks / 07/10/2013 at 4:10pm / United States (Georgia) / Transportation

Today, I was about to make a left turn. In the turn lane a little old lady was waiting for the light to change. On the back of her car was a bumper sticker that said "Honk if you love Jesus!" I gave her a honk and waved. She leaned out and yelled, "The light's red, asshole." FML

by TNDriver / 07/16/2013 at 9:12am / United States (Tennessee) / Transportation

Today, my boyfriend convinced me do an Insanity workout with him. I passed out during the warmup. FML

by Anonymous / 07/11/2013 at 3:09pm / United States (Nebraska) / Miscellaneous

Today, my coworkers glued pairs of different sized googly eyes all over my office equipment, seconds before an important client arrived. FML

by Anonymous / 07/17/2013 at 10:55am / United States / Work

Today, while visiting my grandparents, I used one of their blankets to keep warm. Later, I saw their dog getting busy with said blanket. When my grandparents saw my look of horror, they explained that he has "sexual relations" with the blanket every night. Thanks for telling me, guys. FML

by Anonymous / 07/17/2013 at 7:56am / United States / Animals

Today, I suddenly started having excruciating pain. My husband took me to the ER, where I waited for three hours in agony to be seen. By the time a doctor got to me, the pain had mostly gone, but it was found to be a kidney stone. I was told, "Next time, don't wait so long." Really? FML

by Orchard / 07/16/2013 at 1:25pm / United States (Oklahoma) / Health

This FML has been commented on by its original poster.

Today, I placed an order at a fast food joint, when the elderly lady behind me cussed me out for ordering the same thing she wanted. She ranted that I was a "dirty thief", while everyone else glared at me as if I was holding up the line. What the fuck? FML

by dirtythief / 07/18/2013 at 12:01pm / Philippines (Batangas) / Miscellaneous

Today, I had to get an MRI. I double and triple checked to make sure there was no out-of-pocket cost. When I arrived at the testing center, I was expected to pay full price for the test. It costs $2,360. FML

by insurance lies / 07/08/2013 at 10:48am / United States / Health

Today, I made two cakes. One for my boyfriend's birthday tomorrow, the other for my family so they wouldn't eat the birthday cake. I came home to find they ate half of each. FML

by cristy91 / 07/10/2013 at 12:01am / United States (Florida) / Love

This FML has been commented on by its original poster.