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Thursday 11 July 2013

Top of the day | Top of the week | Top of the month | All time

Today, I was walking down the street when someone pushed me into poison ivy. He ran off saying, "That's for beating me in the race." I've never been in a race, nor have I ever met him. FML

#20770379
74 comments

I agree, your life sucks (45071) - you deserved it (3137)

On 07/08/2013 at 11:15am - misc - by Anonymous - Canada (Ontario)

Today, my girlfriend broke up with me because she felt that her puppy was lonely while we dated. FML

#20771661
107 comments

I agree, your life sucks (45016) - you deserved it (3886)

On 07/09/2013 at 12:38am - animals - by Anonymous (man) - United States

Today, I placed a Bible app next to an app I use for porn, in the hope that it will encourage me to watch less porn. I'm a girl. FML

Today, I let my 3-year-old daughter watch Finding Nemo on my phone while I made her lunch. I returned to find she had dropped my phone into the fish bowl so that her goldfish could see his friends. FML

#20776430
113 comments

I agree, your life sucks (44905) - you deserved it (16516)

On 07/11/2013 at 7:13pm - kids - by thanks, Nemo. - United States (Wisconsin)

Today, I was about to make a left turn. In the turn lane a little old lady was waiting for the light to change. On the back of her car was a bumper sticker that said "Honk if you love Jesus!" I gave her a honk and waved. She leaned out and yelled, "The light's red, asshole." FML

#20786059
88 comments

I agree, your life sucks (44879) - you deserved it (13309)

On 07/16/2013 at 9:12am - misc - by TNDriver (man) - United States (Tennessee)

Today, my boyfriend convinced me do an Insanity workout with him. I passed out during the warmup. FML

#20776146
86 comments

I agree, your life sucks (44863) - you deserved it (11544)

On 07/11/2013 at 3:09pm - misc - by Anonymous - United States (Nebraska)

Today, while having a serious talk with my father, he said, "Son, you're only alive because of a faulty, off-brand condom." FML

#20774202
83 comments

I agree, your life sucks (44268) - you deserved it (3102)

On 07/10/2013 at 12:33pm - misc - by my honest father - United States (Kansas)

Today, I found out that I'd been wrong to constantly accuse next door's cat of peeing on my car every night. It was actually my 16-year-old son. FML

#20772121
83 comments

I agree, your life sucks (44232) - you deserved it (6175)

On 07/09/2013 at 9:35am - kids - by thecathater (man) - Australia (Queensland)

Today, as I was about to enter a public restroom, a man walked out and said, "You may want to hold your nose in there. I just took the biggest dump of my life." It was the ladies' restroom. FML

#20785565
55 comments

I agree, your life sucks (43912) - you deserved it (2872)

On 07/16/2013 at 12:41am - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States

Today, the guy I was on a date with jokingly challenged me to an arm wrestle. I won. He left. FML

Today, I went to the pool with my son. One moment I'm sitting down, applying sunscreen to my legs, and the next I look up to see him squatting on the diving board, seconds before dropping a deuce into the pool. As we got kicked out, he screamed that it was my fault. FML

#20777956
111 comments

I agree, your life sucks (43840) - you deserved it (5719)

On 07/12/2013 at 4:27pm - kids - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (California)

Today, I politely asked a man to not sleep on a tram stop that I had to clean. He got up, and while I leaned forward to pick up some trash from the ground nearby, I felt a warm stream on my back. Now I can't get the smell of urine off my clothes. FML

#20769987
86 comments

I agree, your life sucks (43716) - you deserved it (3663)

On 07/08/2013 at 1:57am - work - by FUCK.THIS.JOB. (woman) - Finland (Southern Finland)

Today, my boyfriend dumped me. His reason was that my laugh is really annoying and makes him want to "stick a baby in a blender". FML

#20786622
151 comments

I agree, your life sucks (43573) - you deserved it (8617)

On 07/16/2013 at 4:32pm - love - by ... cheers (woman) - United Kingdom (Renfrewshire)



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