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Thursday 11 July 2013

Top of the day | Top of the week | Top of the month | All time

Today, while on the airplane, the cute girl next to me and I instantly hit it off. When I excused myself to the bathroom, I must have given her the wrong impression. She wanted to join the mile high club; I just wanted to take a crap. FML

#20781742
71 comments

I agree, your life sucks (63060) - you deserved it (13239)

On 07/14/2013 at 6:41am - intimacy - by mile high clubber - United States (Pennsylvania)

Today, I came home at 1am to find my mom sitting on my couch, ranting about how I'm not supposed to stay up this late. I'm 26 and I don't know how she got into my house. FML

#20775513
81 comments

I agree, your life sucks (62709) - you deserved it (3914)

On 07/11/2013 at 2:26am - misc - by whowhat (man) - United States

Today, my sister announced her pregnancy at my husband's funeral. FML

#20782670
110 comments

I agree, your life sucks (62467) - you deserved it (3142)

On 07/14/2013 at 6:52pm - misc - by thatsfine (woman) - United Kingdom (Surrey)

Today, I found out that the weird guy that lives next door is my biological father. FML

#20776380
75 comments

I agree, your life sucks (62249) - you deserved it (3877)

On 07/11/2013 at 6:26pm - misc - by yayme. - United States (North Dakota)

Today, I was over my grandparents' house for my grandfather's birthday. For years they would talk to each other in Italian and I could never understand them, so I started to take an online class to teach myself Italian. Now I know all they talk about is how much they hate everything about me. FML

#20773825
82 comments

I agree, your life sucks (62173) - you deserved it (4372)

On 07/10/2013 at 3:51am - misc - by mike - United States

Today, I found out my boyfriend regularly has his ex stay over. They even share a bed. He doesn't see a problem with this. FML

#20774058
165 comments

I agree, your life sucks (61730) - you deserved it (5574)

On 07/10/2013 at 10:18am - love - by Paige (woman) - United Kingdom (Essex)

Today, as part of my veterinary degree, I had to demonstrate how to jerk off a dog in front of my entire class. Afterwards, the lecturer said that I have the 'magic touch'. FML

#20775868
202 comments

I agree, your life sucks (61642) - you deserved it (7163)

On 07/11/2013 at 11:18am - work - by vet1 (man) - South Africa (Gauteng)

Today, while at the doctor's, a week overdue with my first child, I was told that sex and orgasms can sometimes help to induce labor. On the way home, my boyfriend asked for road head, arguing that "She said that stuff about orgasms." Not you, honey. FML

#20770510
107 comments

I agree, your life sucks (61457) - you deserved it (7057)

On 07/08/2013 at 1:03pm - intimacy - by realitybites (woman) - United States (New York)

Today, my wife and I were having a fight, when she grabbed my car keys and threw them over into the neighbors overgrown junk yard. My car is a restored '59 Belvedere and the keys can't be replaced. I've been looking for hours and I still can't find them. FML

#20786212
189 comments

I agree, your life sucks (61195) - you deserved it (8531)

On 07/16/2013 at 12:06pm - love - by ronnieG (man) - United States (Georgia)

Today, I had to pull one of those toy stretchy hands out of my dog's butthole. It slapped me in the face when I finally got it out. FML

#20787584
113 comments

I agree, your life sucks (60617) - you deserved it (7152)

On 07/17/2013 at 12:48am - animals - by anonymous - United States (Texas)

Today, I tried coming on to my fiancé. He just pushed me off and got out of bed, saying he wasn't in the mood. A half hour later, I caught him jerking off to several windows of porn. FML

#20790603
125 comments

I agree, your life sucks (60611) - you deserved it (6462)

On 07/18/2013 at 3:01pm - intimacy - by Anonymous - Netherlands (Limburg)

Today, after I got turned down for yet another job, my dad glanced up at me and casually remarked that porn is always a stable market. FML

#20776199
148 comments

I agree, your life sucks (60596) - you deserved it (6402)

On 07/11/2013 at 3:50pm - intimacy - by fucked up dad (woman) - Romania (Bucuresti)

Today, my mom got drunk and punched me in the nose, then yelled at me for bleeding on the carpet. FML

#20777221
125 comments

I agree, your life sucks (59331) - you deserved it (4604)

On 07/12/2013 at 3:22am - misc - by ouch (man) - United States



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