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Monday 1 July 2013

Top of the day | Top of the week | Top of the month | All time

Today, I had the opportunity to taste a live spider by walking into its web in the dark. FML

#20770695
84 comments

I agree, your life sucks (42110) - you deserved it (4417)

On 07/08/2013 at 2:55pm - misc - by pinkXpress1023 - United Kingdom

Today, I was drinking from a cup with a built-in straw. After taking a long sip, I noticed a weird taste. Upon investigation, I found a small caterpillar wedged inside the straw. FML

#20768067
55 comments

I agree, your life sucks (41632) - you deserved it (3711)

On 07/07/2013 at 1:09am - misc - by yum - United States (California)

Today, I went to the doctor to have my annual check-up. After the doctor made me waddle across the room towards him, hop on one foot for thirty seconds, and then lay on my stomach and do the worm, he finally said, "OK, that wasn't really part of the check-up. You're large on the hips. Lay off the Cheetos." FML

#20760331
108 comments

I agree, your life sucks (41405) - you deserved it (10661)

On 07/02/2013 at 7:16pm - health - by Anonymous - United States (Georgia)

Today, my boyfriend and I went to my parents' barbecue. He knew my family is extremely religious, so what did he do? Called for silence to make an announcement, namely: "God isn't real." Cue a riot that ended in us being kicked out and me all but disowned for "putting him up to it". FML

#20765683
118 comments

I agree, your life sucks (41318) - you deserved it (6955)

On 07/05/2013 at 6:29pm - misc - by he's a dawk, and a cunt (woman) - Australia (New South Wales)

Today, I returned home from an extended vacation only to find out my cousin wasn't kidding when he said he was going to steal my boyfriend. I thought I was dating a straight guy. FML

#20761976
70 comments

I agree, your life sucks (41250) - you deserved it (3026)

On 07/03/2013 at 4:56pm - love - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Texas)

Today, I found out that my 16-year-old son bought a huge amount of grape juice, because he thought he could store it under his bed and wait for it to turn to wine. FML

#20766880
89 comments

I agree, your life sucks (41025) - you deserved it (4269)

On 07/06/2013 at 11:14am - misc - by StockedWithJuice (man) - United States (Texas)

Today, my step-dad tried to talk me into getting plastic surgery. His reasoning: "Let's face it, 28 and single? Look, I know your mum gave you shitty genes, but that's no excuse to avoid fixing your face, honey." FML

#20765605
90 comments

I agree, your life sucks (40968) - you deserved it (2611)

On 07/05/2013 at 5:37pm - misc - by buttuglyforeveralone :( (woman) - United Kingdom (Merthyr Tydfil)

Today, my mom stole the condoms out of my room and gave them to my little brother because I "won't be needing them anytime soon". FML

#20759724
54 comments

I agree, your life sucks (40923) - you deserved it (4162)

On 07/02/2013 at 12:17pm - misc - by dry spell (woman) - United States (Washington)

Today while at my job as a store clerk, I walked by a family. I smiled at their little boy, who responded by flipping me off. As I was walking away, I looked back in time to catch his dad give him a high-five. FML

#20761229
77 comments

I agree, your life sucks (40758) - you deserved it (3140)

On 07/03/2013 at 4:11am - kids - by Nish (man) - United States (Washington)

Today, my daughter asked me to get her razors. When my 19-year-old son saw them he asked what they were for, to which my daughter replied, "For my armpits." My son then said, "Girls don't grow armpit hair." FML

#20764467
110 comments

I agree, your life sucks (40629) - you deserved it (5544)

On 07/05/2013 at 12:59am - kids - by Anonymous - Canada (Ontario)

Today, a friend thought it would be funny to make a R.I.P. page for me on Facebook. Most liked post? "Too bad this page is fake." FML

#20771326
80 comments

I agree, your life sucks (40457) - you deserved it (4300)

On 07/08/2013 at 10:02pm - misc - by the hated - United States (New Jersey)

Today, I was asked to help my sister clean her room. The moment I opened the door, I was greeted by her screaming "TASTE THE RAINBOW" with a full mouth. She then spat the skittles into my face. FML

#20768354
60 comments

I agree, your life sucks (39964) - you deserved it (4113)

On 07/07/2013 at 6:55am - kids - by tastetherainbow - United States (Texas)

Today, at a family dinner, my mother-in-law talked me into showing off some moves that I've learned in martial arts. I gently did a restraining hold on her. She screamed that I was trying to break her wrists, and kept the wounded act up all night, smirking as everyone gave me death glares. FML

#20765643
78 comments

I agree, your life sucks (39745) - you deserved it (4176)

On 07/05/2013 at 5:59pm - misc - by -_- (man) - United States (Michigan)



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