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Saturday 29 June 2013

Top of the day | Top of the week | Top of the month | All time

Today, another "gentleman" called and asked for my "services". This is happening a lot lately, because apparently I have the old number of a prostitute. I told him I'm not who he's looking for, to which he replied that I sound like a "sexy lady" and that he wanted to have some fun. FML

#20748362
81 comments

I agree, your life sucks (42156) - you deserved it (3030)

On 06/26/2013 at 1:05pm - misc - by Anonymous - United States

Today, while I was working the drive-thru, a couple came through. As I was handing back their change they began giggling. I looked down to see the man's sex-nose fully erect. FML

#20748724
115 comments

I agree, your life sucks (42027) - you deserved it (4606)

On 06/26/2013 at 4:33pm - intimacy - by theunluckylifeofme (woman) - United States (California)

Today, I was going to set up my air conditioner in the window. As I opened up the window, I must have disturbed a wasp nest, because a dozen wasps flew in and several of them stung me. The rest are now somewhere in my house with my terrified girlfriend. FML

#20748461
77 comments

I agree, your life sucks (41611) - you deserved it (3728)

On 06/26/2013 at 1:51pm - animals - by Anonymous - United States (Pennsylvania)

Today, on my first day at my new job delivering pizzas, I got bit by a guy dressed as Dracula. FML

#20750993
85 comments

I agree, your life sucks (41072) - you deserved it (2960)

On 06/27/2013 at 7:15pm - work - by keiran123 - United States (Louisiana)

Today, at work, I politely asked a patron to be quieter; I was hit in the face. I work in a library. FML

#20750109
75 comments

I agree, your life sucks (41069) - you deserved it (3493)

On 06/27/2013 at 11:02am - work - by rubgy_lover - Canada (British Columbia)

Today, I overheard my dad telling my mum that the only way I'm ever going to get into a relationship is if I "pose as a woman and con some gullible bastard online." He's probably right. FML

#20754680
101 comments

I agree, your life sucks (40791) - you deserved it (4530)

On 06/29/2013 at 5:49pm - love - by cheerbabeXoXo (man) - United Kingdom (Buckinghamshire)

Today, after months of incredibly painful stomach cramps, I convinced my mom that I needed to see a doctor. Not even 2 minutes into the exam, the doctor tells me that I'm heavily constipated and advised some "prune juice" to help "clear all that shit out". My mom won't stop laughing at me. FML

#20751604
88 comments

I agree, your life sucks (40731) - you deserved it (5194)

On 06/27/2013 at 11:57pm - health - by Anonymous - United States

Today, a drunk driver drove his car through my mailbox. He got pissed, started yelling, and threatened to sue me for "putting the mailbox in the middle of the road". If my front lawn is a road, I'm going to have some serious issues. FML

#20754226
63 comments

I agree, your life sucks (40555) - you deserved it (2396)

On 06/29/2013 at 12:52pm - misc - by Anonymous (man) - United States

Today, my daughter's obsession with Canada got out way of hand when she was suspended for climbing up the flagpole, in an attempt to replace the flag with a red-and-white maple leaf one. FML

Today, I saw my former high school teacher at the mall. After a nice conversation, she mentioned that I "still dress like a slut." FML

#20757992
55 comments

I agree, your life sucks (40510) - you deserved it (19778)

On 07/01/2013 at 1:49pm - misc - by Anonymous - Canada (British Columbia)

Today, I got shut in the walk-in freezer at work. I started banging on the door. My boss wouldn't come and open it because she didn't "play games". She thought I was kidding. FML

#20760145
80 comments

I agree, your life sucks (40465) - you deserved it (2804)

On 07/02/2013 at 5:08pm - work - by anonymous - United States (Maryland)

Today, my house was egged while I went out shopping. When I told my dad about it, he immediately and casually admitted to being the one who did it, asking, "You got a fucking problem with that, son?" I don't know if he's just messing with my head, or if he really did do it. FML

#20756478
68 comments

I agree, your life sucks (40407) - you deserved it (3305)

On 06/30/2013 at 6:08pm - misc - by thefuck (man) - Ireland (Cavan)

Today, my friend thought it would be funny to change the language setting on my phone to Mandarin. Unfortunately, neither of us knows Mandarin, and we can't change it back to English. FML

#20753667
113 comments

I agree, your life sucks (40406) - you deserved it (8000)

On 06/29/2013 at 1:31am - misc - by damniphone - Canada (Alberta)



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