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Saturday 29 June 2013

Top of the day | Top of the week | Top of the month | All time

Today, my 7-year-old sister had a nightmare, so I let her sleep in my bed. I woke up to her punching me in the face and giving me a black eye. Apparently, she not only screams when she's having a nightmare, she also "gives the bad guy a taste of his own medicine." FML

#20759842
68 comments

I agree, your life sucks (46052) - you deserved it (4464)

On 07/02/2013 at 1:39pm - health - by good big sister? (woman) - Canada (Ontario)

Today, I bought some makeup supplies at the supermarket. The cashier snorted and muttered, "Not enough in the world for you." FML

#20756122
77 comments

I agree, your life sucks (45951) - you deserved it (3673)

On 06/30/2013 at 2:09pm - misc - by foreversingle (woman) - Netherlands (Noord-Brabant)

Today, It was my fiancé's 21st birthday party. It ended with him too drunk to walk and wailing about how much he misses an ex girlfriend of his that he dumped 4 years ago. FML

#20753850
100 comments

I agree, your life sucks (45940) - you deserved it (4607)

On 06/29/2013 at 4:02am - love - by bubblegum92 - Australia (Western Australia)

Today, the massive bogey that had been dangling precariously from my manager's nose for half an hour finally detached itself. Into my coffee. FML

#20761277
105 comments

I agree, your life sucks (45623) - you deserved it (4944)

On 07/03/2013 at 5:09am - work - by melons (woman) - United Kingdom (Worcestershire)

Today, I went to the doctor to have my annual check-up. After the doctor made me waddle across the room towards him, hop on one foot for thirty seconds, and then lay on my stomach and do the worm, he finally said, "OK, that wasn't really part of the check-up. You're large on the hips. Lay off the Cheetos." FML

#20760331
112 comments

I agree, your life sucks (45511) - you deserved it (12028)

On 07/02/2013 at 7:16pm - health - by Anonymous - United States (Georgia)

Today, my ten-year-old brother came to visit me in NYC. Within ten minutes of walking on Times Square he had seen a prostitute and a partially-naked man. He now refuses to leave my apartment and screams when I try to drag him out. He's here for the next two weeks. FML

#20744309
74 comments

I agree, your life sucks (45371) - you deserved it (4520)

On 06/24/2013 at 10:06am - kids - by NYCproblems - United States (New York)

Today, I got angry after not being able to have an orgasm. What was I angry at? My own hand. FML

#20759304
121 comments

I agree, your life sucks (45296) - you deserved it (21609)

On 07/02/2013 at 2:47am - intimacy - by lonely girl (woman) - United States (Oregon)

Today, my daughter asked me to get her razors. When my 19-year-old son saw them he asked what they were for, to which my daughter replied, "For my armpits." My son then said, "Girls don't grow armpit hair." FML

#20764467
110 comments

I agree, your life sucks (45276) - you deserved it (6359)

On 07/05/2013 at 12:59am - kids - by Anonymous - Canada (Ontario)

Today, my father informed me that I was born only because my mom lied about being on birth control. FML

#20755318
91 comments

I agree, your life sucks (45181) - you deserved it (2809)

On 06/30/2013 at 12:45am - misc - by unfortunate (man) - United States

Today, at a family dinner, my mother-in-law talked me into showing off some moves that I've learned in martial arts. I gently did a restraining hold on her. She screamed that I was trying to break her wrists, and kept the wounded act up all night, smirking as everyone gave me death glares. FML

#20765643
78 comments

I agree, your life sucks (45167) - you deserved it (4911)

On 07/05/2013 at 5:59pm - misc - by -_- (man) - United States (Michigan)

Today, my boyfriend told me that he was going to buy me a "magic wand". Being a Harry Potter fanatic, I assumed he meant a replica wand. It turns out he actually meant a Magic Wand vibrator. I was more excited about the HP wand. FML

#20758994
100 comments

I agree, your life sucks (44990) - you deserved it (8876)

On 07/01/2013 at 11:37pm - intimacy - by whorecrux (woman) - United States (Ohio)

Today, my boyfriend and I went to my parents' barbecue. He knew my family is extremely religious, so what did he do? Called for silence to make an announcement, namely: "God isn't real." Cue a riot that ended in us being kicked out and me all but disowned for "putting him up to it". FML

#20765683
114 comments

I agree, your life sucks (44895) - you deserved it (7461)

On 07/05/2013 at 6:29pm - misc - by he's a dawk, and a cunt (woman) - Australia (New South Wales)

Today, I foolishly thought that I was alone in the house, and let out a huge fart on the toilet. This went on for a while due to an upset stomach. I later walked into the living room only to find my parents and a few of their friends sitting on the couch, teary-eyed from laughing so much. FML



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