Submit your FML story

  • - Concept: An anecdote always starts with Today and ends with FML. There are no taboo subjects, feel free to express yourself.
  • - CAUTION: Read your message over. Please don't use text language and avoid making too many spelling mistakes.
  • - Please note that spam and nonsensical stories will result in you being blocked from accessing FML.
Your nick:
Categories :
Man or woman?

Choose a category

Agreed | Deserved | Commented | Favorited

Choose the period

Saturday 29 June 2013

Top of the day | Top of the week | Top of the month | All time

Today, I thought I was home alone. Likewise, my visiting grandfather thought he was alone. You can imagine the mutual surprise when I caught him stealing money from my sister's bedroom. FML

#20743925
59 comments

I agree, your life sucks (49338) - you deserved it (2985)

On 06/24/2013 at 1:38am - money - by pumboc (woman) - Australia (Victoria)

Today, I was out on a leisurely jog. Out of nowhere, a car slowed down in the street, and a passenger screamed "HAPPY 4TH OF JULY, MOTHERFUCKER," before tossing a lit Roman Candle at my feet. FML

#20763905
110 comments

I agree, your life sucks (49173) - you deserved it (4242)

On 07/04/2013 at 6:30pm - health - by Your ass... Grab it... (man) - United States (Texas)

Today, I had a dream about marrying Hitler. I've had this same dream three times now. My subconscious is starting to scare me. FML

#20766565
78 comments

I agree, your life sucks (49171) - you deserved it (5074)

On 07/06/2013 at 3:11am - misc - by Anonymous - United States (California)

Today, I got to explain to my co-worker again why I can't move my "vacation" so she can take hers when she wants. Apparently, in her mind, her seniority at the company trumps my due date. FML

Today, my boyfriend told me that he was going to buy me a "magic wand". Being a Harry Potter fanatic, I assumed he meant a replica wand. It turns out he actually meant a Magic Wand vibrator. I was more excited about the HP wand. FML

#20758994
100 comments

I agree, your life sucks (49047) - you deserved it (9502)

On 07/01/2013 at 11:37pm - intimacy - by whorecrux (woman) - United States (Ohio)

Today, I woke up from an extremely intense and pleasurable wet dream. This wouldn't have been bad, had it not been about Velveeta cheese. FML

#20762710
84 comments

I agree, your life sucks (49029) - you deserved it (9623)

On 07/04/2013 at 12:11am - intimacy - by idk ask freud - United States (Oregon)

Today, I held a party for my family so I could announce my pregnancy. In the middle of my speech, my mother stopped me, saying, "Nobody gives a rat's ass, where's the booze?" FML

#20745652
83 comments

Today, I woke up to a flooded basement. That basement is my bedroom, so I'm completely surrounded by water. All I need is a tiger and this would be like The Life of Pi. FML

#20752548
72 comments

I agree, your life sucks (48932) - you deserved it (3737)

On 06/28/2013 at 2:07pm - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - Egypt (Al Qahirah)

Today, my step mom and her kids moved in. This is my first night sharing a room with her daughter. She snores, sleep talks, and sleep scratches the side of the bed creating a sound like nails on a chalkboard. FML

#20753919
72 comments

I agree, your life sucks (48789) - you deserved it (3267)

On 06/29/2013 at 6:01am - kids - by mskawaiibat - United States (California)

Today, It was my fiancé's 21st birthday party. It ended with him too drunk to walk and wailing about how much he misses an ex girlfriend of his that he dumped 4 years ago. FML

#20753850
101 comments

I agree, your life sucks (48412) - you deserved it (4841)

On 06/29/2013 at 4:02am - love - by bubblegum92 - Australia (Western Australia)

Today, my father informed me that I was born only because my mom lied about being on birth control. FML

#20755318
91 comments

I agree, your life sucks (48347) - you deserved it (3057)

On 06/30/2013 at 12:45am - misc - by unfortunate (man) - United States

Today, my daughter asked me to get her razors. When my 19-year-old son saw them he asked what they were for, to which my daughter replied, "For my armpits." My son then said, "Girls don't grow armpit hair." FML

#20764467
110 comments

I agree, your life sucks (48071) - you deserved it (6683)

On 07/05/2013 at 12:59am - kids - by Anonymous - Canada (Ontario)

Today, I was sitting at my favorite coffee shop, when a creepy 50-ish looking guy sat at my table. He asked if I'm into submissive guys, and if I wanted to dominate him. I'm a 17-year-old girl, and am now scared to ever go back there. FML

#20754256
90 comments

I agree, your life sucks (47965) - you deserved it (2893)

On 06/29/2013 at 1:18pm - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - Czech Republic



Maïté Verjux's illustrated FML

The Artist's interview

All illustrated FMLs

FML's blog

  • Auntie Bernie delivers in 2016
  • Greetings my young friends! It's 2016 and I'm late. No, I'm not pregnant, I'm way too old for that sort of thing, even though I've been trying a lot recently (hey there Didier, you randy rascal…

Friday 5 February 2016

The whole blog

FMyLife, world tour

Available on: