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Saturday 29 June 2013

Top of the day | Top of the week | Top of the month | All time

Today, I got to explain to my co-worker again why I can't move my "vacation" so she can take hers when she wants. Apparently, in her mind, her seniority at the company trumps my due date. FML

Today, I held a party for my family so I could announce my pregnancy. In the middle of my speech, my mother stopped me, saying, "Nobody gives a rat's ass, where's the booze?" FML

#20745652
83 comments

Today, I saw a little girl digging in the gravel inside the fireworks tent I work in. After she and her family left, I went and used my foot to smooth out the mound she'd made. In doing so, I discovered that she wasn't digging, she was burying. She'd pooped. FML

#20762850
64 comments

I agree, your life sucks (48127) - you deserved it (4526)

On 07/04/2013 at 1:18am - kids - by brokeandhungry - United States

Today, I was at another long swim-meet, when my daughter shaved 15 seconds off her record swim time. When I asked her how she did it, she replied, "Well someone told me to swim as fast as I can." She's just been taking her time all these years. FML

#20759731
67 comments

I agree, your life sucks (47944) - you deserved it (5061)

On 07/02/2013 at 12:25pm - kids - by Anonymous - United States (Vermont)

Today, a neighbor's kid decided to pick a fight with me because I'm "the new kid in town and need to learn who's in charge". When I told him I'm 27, he said excuses like that aren't going to get me off the hook. I just moved here and I'm already being harassed by a twelve year old. FML

Today, I woke up from an extremely intense and pleasurable wet dream. This wouldn't have been bad, had it not been about Velveeta cheese. FML

#20762710
84 comments

I agree, your life sucks (47316) - you deserved it (9359)

On 07/04/2013 at 12:11am - intimacy - by idk ask freud - United States (Oregon)

Today, I had a dream about marrying Hitler. I've had this same dream three times now. My subconscious is starting to scare me. FML

#20766565
75 comments

I agree, your life sucks (47212) - you deserved it (4877)

On 07/06/2013 at 3:11am - misc - by Anonymous - United States (California)

Today, I found out that my 16-year-old son bought a huge amount of grape juice, because he thought he could store it under his bed and wait for it to turn to wine. FML

#20766880
87 comments

I agree, your life sucks (47171) - you deserved it (5080)

On 07/06/2013 at 11:14am - misc - by StockedWithJuice (man) - United States (Texas)

Today, I heard my boyfriend making the same noises while cleaning out his ears as the ones he makes whenever we have sex. FML

#20746329
87 comments

I agree, your life sucks (47051) - you deserved it (6191)

On 06/25/2013 at 12:21pm - intimacy - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Georgia)

Today, I woke up at my cousin's house after staying the night. I went into the bathroom like I usually do and shut the door. Apparently the door lock on this bathroom doesn't function properly. I discovered this when my 4-year-old cousin walked in on me putting a tampon in. FML

Today, I was sitting at my favorite coffee shop, when a creepy 50-ish looking guy sat at my table. He asked if I'm into submissive guys, and if I wanted to dominate him. I'm a 17-year-old girl, and am now scared to ever go back there. FML

#20754256
90 comments

I agree, your life sucks (46752) - you deserved it (2797)

On 06/29/2013 at 1:18pm - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - Czech Republic

Today while at my job as a store clerk, I walked by a family. I smiled at their little boy, who responded by flipping me off. As I was walking away, I looked back in time to catch his dad give him a high-five. FML

#20761229
75 comments

I agree, your life sucks (46681) - you deserved it (3924)

On 07/03/2013 at 4:11am - kids - by Nish (man) - United States (Washington)

Today, the massive bogey that had been dangling precariously from my manager's nose for half an hour finally detached itself. Into my coffee. FML

#20761277
105 comments

I agree, your life sucks (46527) - you deserved it (5035)

On 07/03/2013 at 5:09am - work - by melons (woman) - United Kingdom (Worcestershire)



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