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Saturday 29 June 2013

Top of the day | Top of the week | Top of the month | All time

Today, I had to remove a glass bottle, complete with an ineffective pullstring, from a patient's rectum. He claimed that he'd accidentally sat on it, and later threatened to sue me for every penny if I breathed a word of it to anyone. Oops, looks like I just did. FML

#20752893
146 comments

I agree, your life sucks (50002) - you deserved it (5750)

On 06/28/2013 at 5:59pm - work - by DocKreso (man) - Croatia (Splitsko-Dalmatinska)

Today, while using a urinal in a very busy mall bathroom, another man unzipped his pants and attempted to use the same one as me. FML

#20751757
91 comments

I agree, your life sucks (49783) - you deserved it (2842)

On 06/28/2013 at 1:16am - health - by not cool (man) - Australia (Queensland)

Today, I'm left with two non-refundable tickets to Jamaica, because my now ex-boyfriend said his Quidditch tournament is more important than seeing my "fat ass in a bikini". FML

#20745099
231 comments

I agree, your life sucks (49610) - you deserved it (6173)

On 06/24/2013 at 7:24pm - love - by afraid of flying too - Canada (British Columbia)

Today, I was bored so I began to try to convince my boyfriend that Albert Einstein was actually African-American, and that he painted himself white so he would be accepted as a scientist. Due to his competitive nature, he replied, "I already knew that babe." FML

#20745866
37 comments

I agree, your life sucks (49582) - you deserved it (8753)

On 06/25/2013 at 2:12am - misc - by anonymous - United States (Minnesota)

Today, a girl from my college, who's been following me around for months, finally asked me out. Not being interested, I politely declined. Now she's convinced everyone that we hooked up and that I have an incredibly small penis. FML

#20752684
119 comments

I agree, your life sucks (49500) - you deserved it (7000)

On 06/28/2013 at 3:41pm - love - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Illinois)

Today, my cousin thought it would be cool to put a firecracker in an abandoned birdhouse. Before I could tell him not to, it exploded and about 30 wasps came after me like the wrath of God. FML

#20749556
72 comments

I agree, your life sucks (49328) - you deserved it (4666)

On 06/27/2013 at 12:27am - animals - by EpicJman2828 (man) - United States

Today, I was explaining to my son that porn isn't a realistic depiction of sex. Just as I finished explaining to him that threesomes rarely happen in real life, he started crying. I feel like a dream-crushing monster. FML

#20756438
126 comments

I agree, your life sucks (49176) - you deserved it (9506)

On 06/30/2013 at 5:44pm - kids - by sorry, kiddo (man) - Belgium (Brussels Hoofdstedelijk Gewest)

Today, during my family's traditional 4th of July weekend celebration, my water broke. I kept trying to tell them and asked them to take me to the hospital, but they couldn't hear me over the fireworks. They all just kept smiling and nodding. FML

#20767424
97 comments

I agree, your life sucks (49139) - you deserved it (2975)

On 07/06/2013 at 5:45pm - health - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Ohio)

Today, I came home from work to find white fabric and crystals all over the apartment floor. I followed the trail of destruction to my bedroom, where my roommate had left our closet door open. Apparently, her cats decided that my wedding gown was to be their newest conquest. FML

#20762512
96 comments

I agree, your life sucks (49125) - you deserved it (3233)

On 07/03/2013 at 10:40pm - animals - by nakedweddingday (woman) - United States (California)

Today, what started off as an amazing date with my girlfriend ended with me driving her drunk ass home while she sat in the backseat making out with her new boyfriend. FML

Today, I was feeding some ducks. One of them choked to death on the old bread. FML

#20744476
144 comments

I agree, your life sucks (48931) - you deserved it (14000)

On 06/24/2013 at 12:41pm - animals - by Anonymous - Belgium

Today, after spending months learning Chinese, selling my house and everything I own for my big transfer to Hong Kong, my boss decided I should instead go to our other branch across town. FML

#20761984
80 comments

I agree, your life sucks (48862) - you deserved it (2665)

On 07/03/2013 at 5:01pm - work - by Anonymous (man) - Canada (Alberta)

Today, a group of friends and I went out to a fancy club together. The doorman checked us out and let everyone in. Everyone except me, that is. The doorman's reason: "Her face looks like a baboon's arse." My "friends" all went in anyway, leaving me to walk all the way home. FML

#20753013
127 comments

I agree, your life sucks (48784) - you deserved it (4399)

On 06/28/2013 at 7:22pm - misc - by arse-face (woman) - Ireland (Clare)



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