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Thursday 30 May 2013

Top of the day | Top of the week | Top of the month | All time

Today, my wife uttered the soul-crushing words, "But we're married now, why would we have sex?" FML

#20706140
274 comments

I agree, your life sucks (83677) - you deserved it (8004)

On 06/04/2013 at 8:08pm - intimacy - by ._. (man) - United Kingdom (Bedfordshire)

Today, I was making love to my fiancée, when she dug her nails into my back and told me to "choke" her like I did last night. I was at work last night. FML

#20698818
141 comments

I agree, your life sucks (81368) - you deserved it (5559)

On 06/01/2013 at 3:51am - intimacy - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Oregon)

Today, while at my aunt's funeral, my grandma who has terrible memory loss asked me whose funeral we were at. I had to explain to her that her daughter had died. FML

#20702720
129 comments

I agree, your life sucks (81363) - you deserved it (3453)

On 06/03/2013 at 1:32am - misc - by Me - United States (Illinois)

Today, my boyfriend of six days proposed to me. FML

#20708141
243 comments

I agree, your life sucks (80493) - you deserved it (11139)

On 06/05/2013 at 7:11pm - love - by The Clitshank Redemption (woman) - United Kingdom (Cambridgeshire)

Today, after finally seeing a psychologist about the death of my dad and spending the longest hour of my life confessing every thought I've experienced in the 6 years since his passing, my psychologist asked me if I was walking home or if my dad would be picking me up. FML

#20705144
108 comments

I agree, your life sucks (76614) - you deserved it (3646)

On 06/04/2013 at 8:35am - health - by irishbubble (woman) - Australia (New South Wales)

Today, I had to pee in my cat's litter box, just to avoid witnessing my mom having sex in the living room on my way to the bathroom. FML

#20702750
129 comments

I agree, your life sucks (72005) - you deserved it (5754)

On 06/03/2013 at 1:47am - intimacy - by Anonymous - United States (Florida)

Today, I witnessed a large woman pee on a pregnancy test in the middle of a Walmart parking lot, clean herself off, then wander around with the test hanging out of her mouth, waiting for her result. Where in the name of Christ do these people come from? FML

#20701323
206 comments

I agree, your life sucks (67992) - you deserved it (4148)

On 06/02/2013 at 2:10pm - misc - by Anonymous (man) - United States

Today, my parents yelled at me for 10 minutes without letting me get a word in edgeways for getting a 48 on my test. They took my phone, unplugged my internet, and took my car keys. They wouldn't listen no matter how many times I told them, "It was out of 50". It actually was. FML

#20692668
49 comments

I agree, your life sucks (65819) - you deserved it (3577)

On 05/29/2013 at 3:31am - misc - by :) - United States

Today, I went to the pharmacy to buy condoms. My card was declined, and I had to stand and watch in morbid fascination as the man behind me kindly paid for my purchase. His reason was "God forbid a maxed out Visa should get in the way of fucking." FML

#20698637
33 comments

I agree, your life sucks (65516) - you deserved it (18688)

On 06/01/2013 at 1:09am - intimacy - by Samprib (woman) - United States (Indiana)

Today, my boyfriend of two years, whom I supported through the death of his father, and whose invalid mother I also took care of, suddenly dumped me. The fact that I've put on a little weight due to recent stress disgusts him, and he "can't date a chubster". FML

Today, I had to eat up a few specks of toilet paper to avoid spoiling "the moment" with my girlfriend. FML

#20692661
237 comments

I agree, your life sucks (63543) - you deserved it (13986)

On 05/29/2013 at 3:17am - intimacy - by Anonymous (man) - United Kingdom (London, City of)

Today, I was walking down the stairs with my guitar in hand, singing "I Don't Wanna Miss a Thing" to my wife. I sang, "I don't wanna close my eyes, I don't wanna fall". Before I could say "asleep", I fell down the stairs. My wife almost pissed her pants laughing. My bum hurts. FML

#20691071
125 comments

I agree, your life sucks (63183) - you deserved it (14393)

On 05/28/2013 at 12:37pm - love - by Anonymous - Australia (New South Wales)

Today, I woke up to my 5-year-old son covering my nose and mouth with his hand and complaining, "Noooo, you need to die now." FML

#20695159
163 comments

I agree, your life sucks (62281) - you deserved it (4981)

On 05/30/2013 at 12:29pm - kids - by life insurance for 1 (woman) - United States (California)



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