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Saturday 25 May 2013

Top of the day | Top of the week | Top of the month | All time

Today, I was making love to my fiancée, when she dug her nails into my back and told me to "choke" her like I did last night. I was at work last night. FML

#20698818
140 comments

I agree, your life sucks (74484) - you deserved it (4150)

On 06/01/2013 at 3:51am - intimacy - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Oregon)

Today, it was my wedding. Every good wedding has slutty wedding sex, and I thought it would be over after my cousin and his girlfriend were caught in the parking lot. I was wrong, the sluttiest wedding sex goes to my drunk husband and sister in the coat room. FML

#20684997
182 comments

I agree, your life sucks (74291) - you deserved it (4532)

On 05/25/2013 at 2:55am - love - by lizzie - Canada (Alberta)

Today, a package was delivered to my house, addressed to me, clearly marked "sexual health products". Inside were condoms, birth control pills, and an invoice made out to me. My parents went ballistic and grounded me. Whoever staged this "hilarious" prank: well played, asshole. FML

#20684142
81 comments

I agree, your life sucks (65568) - you deserved it (5457)

On 05/24/2013 at 5:43pm - intimacy - by Anonymous (woman) - Iceland (Eyjafjardarsysla)

Today, I went to the pharmacy to buy condoms. My card was declined, and I had to stand and watch in morbid fascination as the man behind me kindly paid for my purchase. His reason was "God forbid a maxed out Visa should get in the way of fucking." FML

#20698637
33 comments

I agree, your life sucks (64758) - you deserved it (18450)

On 06/01/2013 at 1:09am - intimacy - by Samprib (woman) - United States (Indiana)

Today, my parents yelled at me for 10 minutes without letting me get a word in edgeways for getting a 48 on my test. They took my phone, unplugged my internet, and took my car keys. They wouldn't listen no matter how many times I told them, "It was out of 50". It actually was. FML

#20692668
49 comments

I agree, your life sucks (64664) - you deserved it (3495)

On 05/29/2013 at 3:31am - misc - by :) - United States

Today, I woke up to my 5-year-old son covering my nose and mouth with his hand and complaining, "Noooo, you need to die now." FML

#20695159
163 comments

I agree, your life sucks (61929) - you deserved it (4954)

On 05/30/2013 at 12:29pm - kids - by life insurance for 1 (woman) - United States (California)

Today, I was walking down the stairs with my guitar in hand, singing "I Don't Wanna Miss a Thing" to my wife. I sang, "I don't wanna close my eyes, I don't wanna fall". Before I could say "asleep", I fell down the stairs. My wife almost pissed her pants laughing. My bum hurts. FML

#20691071
125 comments

I agree, your life sucks (61801) - you deserved it (13967)

On 05/28/2013 at 12:37pm - love - by Anonymous - Australia (New South Wales)

Today, I had to eat up a few specks of toilet paper to avoid spoiling "the moment" with my girlfriend. FML

#20692661
237 comments

I agree, your life sucks (61118) - you deserved it (13294)

On 05/29/2013 at 3:17am - intimacy - by Anonymous (man) - United Kingdom (London, City of)

Today, my boyfriend of two years, whom I supported through the death of his father, and whose invalid mother I also took care of, suddenly dumped me. The fact that I've put on a little weight due to recent stress disgusts him, and he "can't date a chubster". FML

Today, I was texting my boyfriend when he said, "Hold up." Thinking it'd be funny, I ran and grabbed my copy of the movie Up, and took a picture of me holding it and sent it to him. He replied, "Getting real tired of your shit." Then dumped me for my "dumb taste in humor." FML

#20696601
192 comments

I agree, your life sucks (59243) - you deserved it (12840)

On 05/31/2013 at 12:16am - love - by Anonymous - United States (Utah)

Today, as I was getting out of my car, an old and obese lady walked up to me and called me an "inconsiderate heartless bitch" for using the last handicap parking spot. I guess she didn't see my wheelchair. FML

#20698730
135 comments

I agree, your life sucks (57645) - you deserved it (2758)

On 06/01/2013 at 2:21am - misc - by regstl - United States (Oregon)

Today, my parents posted on Facebook that they were excited that my sister was pregnant and couldn't wait to be grandparents. Last week I told them that I, a 33-year-old happily married woman, was pregnant and they told me I was ruining my life and encouraged me to have an abortion. FML

#20674602
74 comments

I agree, your life sucks (56805) - you deserved it (3046)

On 05/20/2013 at 12:31am - misc - by pregnant loser apparently (woman) - United States (West Virginia)

Today, I was in bed with my fiancé. After a while of quiet cuddling, I said, "Babe, I have cold feet." He replied with, "Me too. Let's call off the wedding." I was talking about the actual temperature of my feet. Our wedding is tomorrow. FML

#20686980
118 comments

I agree, your life sucks (56753) - you deserved it (7511)

On 05/26/2013 at 8:23am - love - by anonymous - Australia



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