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Saturday 18 May 2013

Top of the day | Top of the week | Top of the month | All time

Today, I attended a cooking class with my co-workers. As the chef prepared to cut up a load of onions for his dish, he warned us to be ready for the "typical reactions". Everyone teared up. Meanwhile, I popped a boner. So much for typical. FML

#20667353
84 comments

I agree, your life sucks (52023) - you deserved it (8940)

On 05/16/2013 at 4:54pm - intimacy - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Virginia)

Today, I saw a coin on the ground. As I bent over to pick it up, some dude came up from behind, grabbed my waist and humped me three times. He ran away before I could get a good look at his face. FML

#20664572
141 comments

I agree, your life sucks (51957) - you deserved it (8986)

On 05/15/2013 at 4:08am - misc - by asdffhhjk (man) - Philippines (Manila)

Today, while on an escalator, instead of just telling me my underwear label was hanging out of my jeans, a woman behind me decided to tuck the label in herself. You should never have to feel a stranger's finger on your butt crack. FML

#20666690
114 comments

I agree, your life sucks (51591) - you deserved it (4958)

On 05/16/2013 at 6:24am - misc - by violatedbuttcrack - Australia (New South Wales)

Today, my girlfriend and I were about to have sex for the first time when her mother unexpectedly came home. In the rush to get dressed, we accidentally put on each other's shirts. Her mom noticed. FML

#20670515
108 comments

I agree, your life sucks (51512) - you deserved it (19629)

On 05/18/2013 at 8:54am - intimacy - by lez probs - United States

Today, my mom scolded me and threatened to ground me for coming home past midnight. Normally, it wouldn't be unreasonable, except for the fact that I'm 24 years old, and that my parents live with me, in my own house. FML

#20677848
103 comments

I agree, your life sucks (51395) - you deserved it (4908)

On 05/21/2013 at 2:30pm - misc - by mammasboy - United States (Illinois)

Today, my girlfriend dumped me because she apparently saw me making out with her sister. She doesn't even have a sister. FML

#20671163
67 comments

I agree, your life sucks (51382) - you deserved it (4353)

On 05/18/2013 at 3:34pm - love - by Anonymous - United States (Pennsylvania)

Today, my boyfriend yelled at me. Apparently I'm not the "classy girl" he thought I was, and he's not comfortable "doing such vile things in public." I had tried to hold his hand. FML

#20664518
121 comments

I agree, your life sucks (51104) - you deserved it (4041)

On 05/15/2013 at 2:43am - love - by Anonymous (woman) - United States

Today, our cat died. My five-year-old tried to flush him down the toilet. FML

Today, one of my boyfriend's friends commented on how small my boobs are. My boyfriend defended me, saying it was only because I was wearing a sports bra. I wasn't. It was the push-up bra he bought me. FML

#20686053
147 comments

I agree, your life sucks (50254) - you deserved it (4439)

On 05/25/2013 at 7:12pm - love - by Anonymous - United States

Today, my wife gave birth to a beautiful baby girl. She's perfect in every way, except for her birth mark. It's under the corner of her left eye and looks almost exactly like a prison teardrop tattoo. FML

#20673142
198 comments

I agree, your life sucks (50061) - you deserved it (7011)

On 05/19/2013 at 2:33pm - kids - by Anonymous (man) - Canada (Alberta)

Today, I was in a big Skype chat, which somehow turned into a heated argument. My friend lost it, typed "your stupid" and called me a "looser." When I pointed out the irony of his messages, he rage-quit, drove all the way to my house, and punched me in the face at the door. FML

#20669389
104 comments

I agree, your life sucks (49798) - you deserved it (13537)

On 05/17/2013 at 5:16pm - health - by -1 friend (man) - United States (Florida)

Today, I'm planning my big sister's wedding. My long-term, live-in boyfriend walked by and saw me looking at the wedding tab on Pinterest, smirked, and said, "Don't get your hopes up." I had. FML

#20674650
115 comments

I agree, your life sucks (49660) - you deserved it (7439)

On 05/20/2013 at 12:47am - love - by ForeverAlone (woman) - United States

Today, my parents decided that since summer is almost here, it's a great opportunity to start having nude barbecues. I found this out after walking out into the backyard, hoping to sun myself a little, only to see the living nightmare that is my parents' naked bodies. FML

#20686007
107 comments

I agree, your life sucks (49574) - you deserved it (4522)

On 05/25/2013 at 6:47pm - misc - by Anonymous (man) - United States



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