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Friday 3 May 2013

Top of the day | Top of the week | Top of the month | All time

Today, my fiancée broke off our engagement. For some bizarre reason, she'd hidden a pair of expensive boots and her iPad underneath our ride-on mower. I turned the mower on and destroyed both without realizing it. According to her, the fault is all mine. FML

#20630400
124 comments

I agree, your life sucks (49904) - you deserved it (3394)

On 04/29/2013 at 2:07pm - love - by Wow. Really? - United States (Ohio)

Today, it's my birthday. Three people wished me happy birthday: Google, my insurance company, and the place I lease my car from. FML

#20649920
205 comments

I agree, your life sucks (49826) - you deserved it (3674)

On 05/08/2013 at 1:48pm - misc - by trice (woman) - United States (Texas)

Today, while paying a $60 tab on drinks for a girl, a guy grabs the money-clip out of my hand and runs. I start to chase after him; the girl trips me, then runs after him. The bartender calls the cops; not to catch the thieves, but to report me for not paying. FML

#20634407
84 comments

I agree, your life sucks (49666) - you deserved it (4145)

On 05/01/2013 at 6:30am - money - by Alexman1985 -

Today, I babysat a 4-year-old child for my neighbor. It seems he had diarrhea. The evidence of this is in his pants, down his leg, on the couch, on the bathroom floor, smeared on my wall, and in the shape of a brown handprint on my shirt. FML

#20643431
84 comments

I agree, your life sucks (49239) - you deserved it (3633)

On 05/05/2013 at 4:49pm - kids - by Aunjy - United States (New Jersey)

Today, as a condominium security guard, I had to enter an old lady's apartment to supervise the mandatory maintenance taking place inside. I commented on the lakeside view from her window and mentioned, "This is a pretty nice view up here isn't it?" It turns out that she's blind. FML

#20642213
73 comments

I agree, your life sucks (48843) - you deserved it (6656)

On 05/05/2013 at 12:28am - work - by rent-a-cop (man) - Canada (Ontario)

Today, my girlfriend dumped me for cheating on her. Her "proof" was an image of me making out with a girl. Pretty damning, except she loaded it up in Photoshop, where I saw the image layers she'd used to fake the whole thing. I'm not sure what the hell she was thinking either. FML

#20637622
91 comments

I agree, your life sucks (48721) - you deserved it (2792)

On 05/02/2013 at 8:16pm - love - by psycho ex (man) - Brazil

Today, at work, I was trying to get the octopus out of its tank to transfer it to another one. It instantly latched to my face and sprayed ink all over me. My boss told me to stop playing with the animals. FML

#20653962
132 comments

I agree, your life sucks (48565) - you deserved it (5201)

On 05/10/2013 at 8:37am - animals - by FenRackety (man) - Canada

Today, my family flew out to surprise my grandma for her 70th birthday. When we arrived, she and my grandpa were both sitting on the couch, high, smoking a joint. FML

#20649343
19 comments

I agree, your life sucks (48559) - you deserved it (10879)

On 05/08/2013 at 2:59am - misc - by Anonymous - United States

Today, I was leaving my doctor's appointment when a nurse stopped me. She exclaimed, "Wow you are so skinny! What's your secret?" My secret? Having an autoimmune disease. FML

Today, I was out with my grandma when a pair of very shady guys approached us in the street, hands in their pockets. Without breaking stride, she pulled a knife out of her handbag and told them they'd better keep walking. They did. What the fuck, gran? FML

#20640901
74 comments

I agree, your life sucks (48207) - you deserved it (6822)

On 05/04/2013 at 1:05pm - misc - by emasculated 10000% (man) - Sweden (Kronobergs Lan)

Today, a client refused to pay after I mowed her lawn. Her reasoning? I had entered her basement "without permission." I require on-site equipment be provided, and she kept her mower in her basement. I only knew it was in the basement because she'd showed me, and told me where the key was. FML

#20653784
85 comments

I agree, your life sucks (48181) - you deserved it (2993)

On 05/10/2013 at 4:24am - work - by Wealthyparrot (man) - United States

Today, it's my birthday. I worked late, so I was looking forward to spending a quiet evening with my husband. When he suggested we go grocery shopping, I got excited thinking he had organized a surprise party or something. He actually just took me grocery shopping. FML

#20647398
69 comments

I agree, your life sucks (48140) - you deserved it (8820)

On 05/07/2013 at 8:48am - love - by Anonymous - Canada (Alberta)

Today, I overheard my boyfriend admitting that he's only dating me because having me around "sucks a bit less than fucking my own hand". FML

#20639297
107 comments

I agree, your life sucks (47971) - you deserved it (4634)

On 05/03/2013 at 5:00pm - love - by Anonymous (woman) - Germany



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