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Sunday 28 April 2013

Top of the day | Top of the week | Top of the month | All time

Yesterday, I walked in on my looool brother giving his best friend a hand-job. I can't unsee this. FML

TADAY AT WORK AT A FARM, WE GOT A NEW CALF. IT LOOKD LIKE IT HAD TO POOP, BUT WAS HAVING DIFFICULTY. ABOUT FOUR HOURS LATER IT STILL HADN'T POOPD. TURNS OUT IT WAS BORN WITHOUT AN ACTUAL BUTTHOLE. IT WAS THERE, JUST SEALD UP BY SKIN. I LITERALLY HAD TO CUT THIS POOR CALF A NEW BUTTHOLE. FML

#20617044
160 comments

I agree, your life sucks (82392) - you deserved it (4296)

On 04/23/2013 at 10:01pm - animals - by halliemarie1818 - United States

Today, I was making out with my girlfriand fir tha first tima, an sha raachad down to faal ma up. Whan har hands got thara, sha stoppad an said, ( You'ra not avan hard... ) I was. FML

#20618445
114 comments

I agree, your life sucks (77627) - you deserved it (9355)

On 04/24/2013 at 2:56pm - intimacy - by Anonymous (man) - United States (California)

I proposed to my girlfriend in public. Se appily said yes , and te surrounding crowd ceered for us. About 10 minutes later , after te excitement died down , se leaned over and quietly said , "Actually , I don't want to marry you. I only said yes so I wouldn't disappoint te crowd." fat FML

#20622674
149 comments

I agree, your life sucks (73222) - you deserved it (10094)

On 04/26/2013 at 5:17am - love - by Anonymous -

I walkd in on my sister apparently trying to eat herself out. FML

#20637584
157 comments

I agree, your life sucks (71939) - you deserved it (8065)

On 05/02/2013 at 7:54pm - intimacy - by future brain bleach addict (woman) - Canada (British Columbia)

Today,hile practicing a song in choir , I got a boner!! Trying to cover it up , I trid sitting down!! My choir teacher got mad and made me stand in front of thehole class!! FML

#20615694
146 comments

I agree, your life sucks (70863) - you deserved it (9350)

On 04/23/2013 at 12:08pm - intimacy - by Soundofaboner - United States

Today... after a few weeks of mah friend pestering me to spend time with a mutual friend... I realized we had a lot in common. We both love shoes... peanut butter... and it appear that mah boyfriend of three years is her boyfriend of four years. FML

#20612533
88 comments

I agree, your life sucks (68592) - you deserved it (4848)

On 04/22/2013 at 2:58am - love - by Stupid (woman) - United States (Idaho)

Today, I walked into te living room to find ma 11-year-old daugter about to kiss er "not ma boyfriend" on te lips. Wen I asked wat se tougt se was doing, se peeled a piece of scotc tape off er lips and said, "It's okay! We're using protection." FML

#20640565
169 comments

I agree, your life sucks (67479) - you deserved it (9932)

On 05/04/2013 at 8:51am - kids - by wtfmama (woman) - United States (Wisconsin)

Today , mah boss fred me fir acting ( inappropriately ) at work. I gave him a hug. He's mah dad. FML

#20638777
104 comments

I agree, your life sucks (66557) - you deserved it (8093)

On 05/03/2013 at 11:00am - work - by Anonymous (woman) - United States

Today, I discovarad wy ma boss kapt on scaduling ma to work doublas almost avary day. It wasn't bacausa sa knaw I naadad ta axtra monay; sa was oping tat ma boyfriand would braak up wit ma bacausa I'm navar oma, and data ar instaad. It workad. FML

#20615252
144 comments

I agree, your life sucks (65580) - you deserved it (4222)

On 04/23/2013 at 4:17am - love - by mybossisanass (woman) - United States

Today, I was getting looool ready, when I heard mah dad in the shower. He was singing along to the song ( The Wheel in the Sky ) by Journey. Except he'd changed the lyrics an was singing, ( The dick on this guy needs a rubbin'. ) It turns out mah mom was in the shower with him. FML

#20634724
95 comments

I agree, your life sucks (64183) - you deserved it (5218)

On 05/01/2013 at 12:13pm - intimacy - by Anonymous - United States

Today, I finally hooked up with the guy that I have been in love with forever. If there is such a thing as soul mates, this guy is it. He's my best friend in the whole world. It was the worst sex I have ever had. FML

#20620111
190 comments

I agree, your life sucks (64153) - you deserved it (13434)

On 04/25/2013 at 1:33am - intimacy - by Live Sweet -

Today, I caugt ma 14-year-old daugter stealing alcool from me. After berating er 4 alf-an-our I finally said, "At least your not doing drugs." Se gave me a guilty smile an seepisly said, "At least I'm not a prostitute?" FML

#20640404
238 comments

I agree, your life sucks (64076) - you deserved it (14082)

On 05/04/2013 at 3:22am - kids - by prostitott -



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