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Friday 26 April 2013

Top of the day | Top of the week | Top of the month | All time

Today, while he was eating chicken, one of my friends asked me why I'm a vegetarian. I responded that I believe in animal rights and don't like the conditions the animals are forced to live in. He looked at me incredulously before explaining that "chickens aren't animals, they're birds." FML

Today, I had to explain to a friend that the show writers for Glee did not write "Bohemian Rhapsody" and that Freddie Mercury did not steal the song from them. We're both 17 years old, and she reacted by kicking a chair at me. FML

#20626458
127 comments

I agree, your life sucks (38863) - you deserved it (2465)

On 04/27/2013 at 11:16pm - misc - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Georgia)

Today, I overheard my grandpa telling my mom he'd found a load of porn in my laptop's browser history, but that he deleted all the "filth" so she wouldn't have to see it. She believed him and I got grounded, much to his amusement. I've never looked up porn on that computer in my life. FML

#20623130
99 comments

I agree, your life sucks (38845) - you deserved it (2609)

On 04/26/2013 at 1:34pm - misc - by thats what my ipod is for (man) - United States

Today, I was coming home from a much-needed vacation. The time I spent on the plane consisted of kids screaming and throwing tantrums. One of them managed to give me a black eye with a shoe. Their mom pretended to be asleep so I'd have to deal with her kids for her. FML

#20626326
91 comments

I agree, your life sucks (38832) - you deserved it (2608)

On 04/27/2013 at 10:30pm - health - by Satan'sChildren - United States (Wisconsin)

Today, I had a job interview at the local donut shop. It turns out I misunderstood the position, and that the job was actually to wear a donut costume and wave at cars outside the shop. I was told this after I got hired. FML

#20630021
116 comments

I agree, your life sucks (38702) - you deserved it (8304)

On 04/29/2013 at 9:39am - work - by sdeeter (man) - United States

Today, I had to explain to my friend that the hot girl he's been sending nudes to and cybering with for the past month is probably a bored, fat-as-fuck, balding male living in his mum's basement. The look on his face after I proved that "her" pictures were fake broke my heart. FML

#20623794
83 comments

I agree, your life sucks (38401) - you deserved it (7685)

On 04/26/2013 at 7:58pm - misc - by sanoria51 (woman) - United Kingdom (London, City of)

Today, I was leaving work when I realized I had forgotten my bag on my desk. As I went back to get it, I overheard my co-workers talking about "last night's office party." I wasn't invited. FML

#20618055
53 comments

I agree, your life sucks (38241) - you deserved it (4254)

On 04/24/2013 at 10:10am - work - by demispark - United States (Florida)

Today, as I was walking down the street, a car full of hot girls pulled up and asked if I wanted to party; obviously, I said yes. They then shot at me with party poppers and threw party food all over me. FML

#20622653
67 comments

I agree, your life sucks (38155) - you deserved it (8282)

On 04/26/2013 at 4:36am - misc - by KingUrge (man) - United States (California)

Today, I had to go to the hospital for an allergic reaction. Turns out, I'm highly allergic to cherry blossoms. My wife and I just bought a house and moved into a new neighborhood. Almost every block in this neighborhood, including my own, has rows and rows of cherry blossom trees. FML

#20628272
69 comments

I agree, your life sucks (38144) - you deserved it (2507)

On 04/28/2013 at 6:10pm - health - by verycherryfucked (man) - United States (New York)

Today, I was walking my dog. A cute guy stopped me and said, "Wow, you are gorgeous!" I said thanks. He looked at me like I was nuts and said, "Not you, your dog." FML

#20621620
54 comments

I agree, your life sucks (37931) - you deserved it (5140)

On 04/25/2013 at 8:11pm - animals - by emma_waters23 - United States (California)

Today, I took my wife's cat to the vet for her yearly check up. I'm finishing the day at the hospital with multiple bite wounds and a deep gash in my leg. My wife chose to comfort her cat instead. FML

#20632607
82 comments

I agree, your life sucks (37808) - you deserved it (4033)

On 04/30/2013 at 12:03pm - animals - by good husband - Canada

Today, I sent a girl a friendly conversation starter on Facebook. She replied, "I know what you guys are like. Oh, and that invitation to a date in about 5 messages time? Not a chance." FML

#20632227
113 comments

I agree, your life sucks (37706) - you deserved it (8153)

On 04/30/2013 at 4:50am - love - by Porter_Robinson (man) - Australia (New South Wales)

Today, my car was stolen from the parking garage, the same one I work at as a security guard. FML

#20625733
124 comments

I agree, your life sucks (37585) - you deserved it (22963)

On 04/27/2013 at 6:05pm - work - by naps aren't what they used to be (man) - United States



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