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Thursday 25 April 2013

Top of the day | Top of the week | Top of the month | All time

Today, while he was eating chicken, one of my friends asked me why I'm a vegetarian. I responded that I believe in animal rights and don't like the conditions the animals are forced to live in. He looked at me incredulously before explaining that "chickens aren't animals, they're birds." FML

Today, my husband laughed at me for farting in the bathtub; I lied by admitting to it. The fact is that I have enough back-fat to create suction against the bathtub. FML

#20618145
107 comments

I agree, your life sucks (41561) - you deserved it (16076)

On 04/24/2013 at 11:20am - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States

Today, I sent a girl a friendly conversation starter on Facebook. She replied, "I know what you guys are like. Oh, and that invitation to a date in about 5 messages time? Not a chance." FML

#20632227
112 comments

I agree, your life sucks (41262) - you deserved it (8690)

On 04/30/2013 at 4:50am - love - by Porter_Robinson (man) - Australia (New South Wales)

Today, my future father-in-law showed everyone a picture of his poop because it was "shaped like a banana." My fiancé's whole family thought it was funny and "looked more like a banana than last time." FML

#20636739
77 comments

I agree, your life sucks (40845) - you deserved it (3887)

On 05/02/2013 at 11:04am - health - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Texas)

Today, my friend made me go on a carnival ride. The whole time, I complained that I was going to puke. I didn't, though. She did, all over me. FML

#20626478
37 comments

I agree, your life sucks (40708) - you deserved it (5829)

On 04/27/2013 at 11:25pm - misc - by gross. - United States (Mississippi)

Today, I took my wife's cat to the vet for her yearly check up. I'm finishing the day at the hospital with multiple bite wounds and a deep gash in my leg. My wife chose to comfort her cat instead. FML

#20632607
82 comments

I agree, your life sucks (40700) - you deserved it (4302)

On 04/30/2013 at 12:03pm - animals - by good husband - Canada

Today, my car was stolen from the parking garage, the same one I work at as a security guard. FML

#20625733
121 comments

I agree, your life sucks (40549) - you deserved it (24616)

On 04/27/2013 at 6:05pm - work - by naps aren't what they used to be (man) - United States

Today, I was driving when I noticed that the guy in front was on the phone. I pulled up next to him, pulled out my phone and I made a gesture that he needed to put his phone away. It was a cop. I got a ticket for driving while on my cell phone. FML

#20621724
147 comments

I agree, your life sucks (40308) - you deserved it (32324)

On 04/25/2013 at 8:56pm - money - by really_now - United States (Nevada)

Today, I popped a pimple while stopped at a red light. When I looked over the woman in the car next to me was laughing, and had her camera phone out. FML

#20627066
75 comments

I agree, your life sucks (40033) - you deserved it (15483)

On 04/28/2013 at 6:28am - health - by msarosi - Canada (Ontario)

Today, I was tutoring a band member. Whenever I ask him to play a D or any D scale, he stops just to snicker and say, "Ha ha. D." He still sucks. I hate his guts. FML

#20620228
71 comments

I agree, your life sucks (39911) - you deserved it (5297)

On 04/25/2013 at 3:55am - work - by justgivemethed - United States (California)

Today, I called a taxi after a night of partying. When it arrived, I realised I had no cash, so I told the driver I'd quickly grab some from an ATM. He made me leave my phone with him as collateral in case I was pulling a prank. He drove off the moment I turned my back. FML

#20632603
73 comments

I agree, your life sucks (38831) - you deserved it (13526)

On 04/30/2013 at 12:00pm - misc - by Brady (man) - Spain (Madrid)

Today, I realized my favorite pen advertises a vaginal cream. I've been letting people borrow it for months. FML

#20634740
79 comments

I agree, your life sucks (38333) - you deserved it (8388)

On 05/01/2013 at 12:28pm - misc - by MrConcise (man) - United States

Today, my dog became scared of his own food bowl. He now barks for ages every time he sees it. FML

#20629727
73 comments

I agree, your life sucks (38017) - you deserved it (3171)

On 04/29/2013 at 3:20am - animals - by conbon123 - United States (Oregon)



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