Choose the period

Thursday 25 April 2013

Choose a category

Today, I was walking my dog. A cute guy stopped me and said, "Wow, you are gorgeous!" I said thanks. He looked at me like I was nuts and said, "Not you, your dog." FML

by emma_waters23 / 04/25/2013 at 8:11pm / United States (California) / Animals

Today, I had a job interview at the local donut shop. It turns out I misunderstood the position, and that the job was actually to wear a donut costume and wave at cars outside the shop. I was told this after I got hired. FML

by sdeeter / 04/29/2013 at 9:39am / United States / Work

Today, my dog had her stomach pumped because she ate some cookies. The 100 cookies I made for a bake sale to be exact. FML

by Anonymous / 05/02/2013 at 8:50am / Canada (Alberta) / Animals

Today, I sent a girl a friendly conversation starter on Facebook. She replied, "I know what you guys are like. Oh, and that invitation to a date in about 5 messages time? Not a chance." FML

by Porter_Robinson / 04/30/2013 at 4:50am / Australia (New South Wales) / Love

Today, I popped a pimple while stopped at a red light. When I looked over the woman in the car next to me was laughing, and had her camera phone out. FML

by msarosi / 04/28/2013 at 6:28am / Canada (Ontario) / Health

Today, I took my wife's cat to the vet for her yearly check up. I'm finishing the day at the hospital with multiple bite wounds and a deep gash in my leg. My wife chose to comfort her cat instead. FML

by good husband / 04/30/2013 at 12:03pm / Canada / Animals

Today, I called a taxi after a night of partying. When it arrived, I realised I had no cash, so I told the driver I'd quickly grab some from an ATM. He made me leave my phone with him as collateral in case I was pulling a prank. He drove off the moment I turned my back. FML

by Brady / 04/30/2013 at 12:00pm / Spain (Madrid) / Transportation

Today, my friend made me go on a carnival ride. The whole time, I complained that I was going to puke. I didn't, though. She did, all over me. FML

by gross. / 04/27/2013 at 11:25pm / United States (Mississippi) / Miscellaneous

Today, I was driving when I noticed that the guy in front was on the phone. I pulled up next to him, pulled out my phone and I made a gesture that he needed to put his phone away. It was a cop. I got a ticket for driving while on my cell phone. FML

by really_now / 04/25/2013 at 8:56pm / United States (Nevada) / Transportation

Today, my car was stolen from the parking garage, the same one I work at as a security guard. FML

by naps aren't what they used to be / 04/27/2013 at 6:05pm / United States / Work

Today, I was tutoring a band member. Whenever I ask him to play a D or any D scale, he stops just to snicker and say, "Ha ha. D." He still sucks. I hate his guts. FML

by justgivemethed / 04/25/2013 at 3:55am / United States (California) / Work

Today, I realized my favorite pen advertises a vaginal cream. I've been letting people borrow it for months. FML

by MrConcise / 05/01/2013 at 12:28pm / United States / Miscellaneous

Today, I went to my grandmom's house for an hour or so. When I came home, my boyfriend was on the bed, covered in the sheets and about to cry. Turns out he taped his ballsack to his leg and couldn't get it off because it "hurts too much." I'm 24 and he's 26. FML

by anonymous / 04/23/2013 at 5:07pm / United States (Pennsylvania) / Miscellaneous