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Saturday 20 April 2013

Top of the day | Top of the week | Top of the month | All time

Today, I woke up to my brother chopping all my bangs off. When I yelled at him, he could only shout back, "You can see clearly now, the bangs are gone!" FML

#20599244
108 comments

I agree, your life sucks (52226) - you deserved it (8442)

On 04/17/2013 at 12:13pm - kids - by my dumb bro - United States (Arkansas)

Today, nobody wants to hang out with me due to a nasty rumor that my ex has spread. No one will tell me what was said, because I apparently "know full well" what I did. FML

#20624422
89 comments

I agree, your life sucks (52165) - you deserved it (3770)

On 04/27/2013 at 1:02am - misc - by dabull (man) - United States

Today, I overheard the guy I like talking to one of his friends about me. His friend asked if he and I were dating, to which he replied, "No way, dude. I have standards." FML

#20608351
72 comments

I agree, your life sucks (52129) - you deserved it (4663)

On 04/20/2013 at 7:08pm - love - by Anonymous - United States (Colorado)

Today, I had to go to the emergency room with my sister, due to involuntary muscle spasms she was having. They gave her a muscle relaxer which caused her to be extremely tired and loopy. She decided to start singing loudly with a song she made up about butt fucking. FML

#20624720
94 comments

I agree, your life sucks (52055) - you deserved it (4888)

On 04/27/2013 at 8:42am - health - by seekerglow176 - United States (Massachusetts)

Today, I learned what live maggots in chocolate cake taste like. FML

#20606960
107 comments

I agree, your life sucks (51915) - you deserved it (7334)

On 04/20/2013 at 6:51am - misc - by MaggotMother (woman) - United States

Today, I went to the doctor to inquire about the nasty rash on my arms. He concluded that I'm allergic to beer and the rash will go away if I stay away from it. I'm a bartender. FML

#20592891
56 comments

I agree, your life sucks (51813) - you deserved it (3884)

On 04/15/2013 at 3:31am - work - by BarBacked (woman) - United States

Today, I was fired on my second day of work after a year and a half of unemployment. Apparently, my "tendency to solve problems instead of just accepting them made the other workers uneasy". FML

#20617597
100 comments

I agree, your life sucks (51799) - you deserved it (3455)

On 04/24/2013 at 12:55am - work - by anonymous (man) - Germany

Today, my long-distance girlfriend drunk dialed me and told me she was horny. Surprised, I exclaimed, "You're horny?" without realizing my boss was right next to me. FML

#20604222
54 comments

I agree, your life sucks (50829) - you deserved it (22258)

On 04/19/2013 at 2:00am - intimacy - by Wallz99 (man) - Pakistan (Azad Kashmir)

Today, my boyfriend and I attempted sexting for the first time. After about twenty minutes of Star Wars references, I gave up. FML

#20604154
93 comments

I agree, your life sucks (50828) - you deserved it (9789)

On 04/19/2013 at 1:14am - intimacy - by Anonymous - Canada (Alberta)

Today, I got home and noticed people were looking at my next-door neighbor's house that is for rent. Peering closer, I realized my ex-boyfriend and the girl he cheated on me with a few months ago are inside. After they left, the "for rent" sign came down. I've got new neighbors. FML

#20622139
78 comments

I agree, your life sucks (50725) - you deserved it (2768)

On 04/25/2013 at 11:01pm - love - by nodullmoment (woman) - United States (New Jersey)

Today, in my psychology class we were covering OCDs. I have an issue with creased paper and my best friend brought it up, so for the next hour my class mates sat screwing up paper to see how long I could continuously have a panic attack. FML

Today, my pregnant wife paged my emergency line at work. Thinking she was in serious danger, I raced home and found her hysterically crying. When I asked her what was going on, she replied, "The dogs won't stop barking!" FML

#20615372
117 comments

I agree, your life sucks (50552) - you deserved it (6064)

On 04/23/2013 at 7:25am - misc - by Anonymous (man) - United States

Today, I grounded my son after finding out that he's been bullying other kids at school. He got mad and screamed at me, calling me a "bastard". Instead of defending me, my wife got pissed and accused me of having taught our son to swear like that. I can never win. FML

#20605834
118 comments

I agree, your life sucks (50389) - you deserved it (5792)

On 04/19/2013 at 7:33pm - kids - by Anonymous (man) - Sweden (Kronobergs Lan)



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