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Saturday 20 April 2013

Top of the day | Top of the week | Top of the month | All time

Today, I was hanging out with some friends, and I had to take a dump. After I was done, I realized there was no more toilet paper, so I asked my friends to get me some. They threw in duct tape, sandpaper, and saran wrap, and told me to make a decision. FML

#20613218
160 comments

I agree, your life sucks (49467) - you deserved it (8063)

On 04/22/2013 at 2:33pm - misc - by Anonymous - United States

Today, I overheard the guy I like talking to one of his friends about me. His friend asked if he and I were dating, to which he replied, "No way, dude. I have standards." FML

#20608351
72 comments

I agree, your life sucks (49283) - you deserved it (4426)

On 04/20/2013 at 7:08pm - love - by Anonymous - United States (Colorado)

Today, nobody wants to hang out with me due to a nasty rumor that my ex has spread. No one will tell me what was said, because I apparently "know full well" what I did. FML

#20624422
87 comments

I agree, your life sucks (49241) - you deserved it (3524)

On 04/27/2013 at 1:02am - misc - by dabull (man) - United States

Today, I had to go to the emergency room with my sister, due to involuntary muscle spasms she was having. They gave her a muscle relaxer which caused her to be extremely tired and loopy. She decided to start singing loudly with a song she made up about butt fucking. FML

#20624720
93 comments

I agree, your life sucks (49199) - you deserved it (4647)

On 04/27/2013 at 8:42am - health - by seekerglow176 - United States (Massachusetts)

Today, I can no longer leave my son at daycare, because at the age of 5, he's started manipulating the girls there into fighting over him. A kid lost a baby tooth in one such brawl. FML

#20607466
122 comments

I agree, your life sucks (49185) - you deserved it (6429)

On 04/20/2013 at 12:34pm - kids - by Anonymous (woman) - Thailand

Today, I learned what live maggots in chocolate cake taste like. FML

#20606960
107 comments

I agree, your life sucks (49025) - you deserved it (7013)

On 04/20/2013 at 6:51am - misc - by MaggotMother (woman) - United States

Today, I went to the doctor to inquire about the nasty rash on my arms. He concluded that I'm allergic to beer and the rash will go away if I stay away from it. I'm a bartender. FML

#20592891
55 comments

I agree, your life sucks (48991) - you deserved it (3650)

On 04/15/2013 at 3:31am - work - by BarBacked (woman) - United States

Today, I was fired on my second day of work after a year and a half of unemployment. Apparently, my "tendency to solve problems instead of just accepting them made the other workers uneasy". FML

#20617597
100 comments

I agree, your life sucks (48798) - you deserved it (3230)

On 04/24/2013 at 12:55am - work - by anonymous (man) - Germany

Today, my boyfriend and I got into an argument. Naturally, I drove over to my best friend's house for comfort. My boyfriend saw me driving past his house and promptly broke up with me for being "a psycho stalker." She lives across the street from him. FML

#20612336
68 comments

I agree, your life sucks (48428) - you deserved it (5734)

On 04/22/2013 at 1:06am - love - by And you think I'M crazy? (woman) - United States

Today, it was my wedding day. My new husband and I, for a laugh, did our first dance to LMFAO's "I'm sexy and I know it" with stupid moves and everything. 200 guests. Nobody laughed. FML

#20618965
126 comments

I agree, your life sucks (48295) - you deserved it (27219)

On 04/24/2013 at 6:29pm - love - by Anonymous (woman) - United Kingdom (Gloucestershire)

Today, my pregnant wife paged my emergency line at work. Thinking she was in serious danger, I raced home and found her hysterically crying. When I asked her what was going on, she replied, "The dogs won't stop barking!" FML

#20615372
115 comments

I agree, your life sucks (48247) - you deserved it (5798)

On 04/23/2013 at 7:25am - misc - by Anonymous (man) - United States

Today, I got hit by a car while riding my bike. Instead of coming to my aid, the driver just laid on his horn and screamed out the window for me to move my ass, because he had places to be. FML

#20609136
106 comments

I agree, your life sucks (47918) - you deserved it (4864)

On 04/21/2013 at 12:11am - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States

Today, my boyfriend and I attempted sexting for the first time. After about twenty minutes of Star Wars references, I gave up. FML

#20604154
92 comments

I agree, your life sucks (47835) - you deserved it (9393)

On 04/19/2013 at 1:14am - intimacy - by Anonymous - Canada (Alberta)



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