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Saturday 20 April 2013

Top of the day | Top of the week | Top of the month | All time

Today, I discovered why my boss kept on scheduling me to work doubles almost every day. It wasn't because she knew I needed the extra money; she was hoping that my boyfriend would break up with me because I'm never home, and date her instead. It worked. FML

#20615252
142 comments

I agree, your life sucks (65419) - you deserved it (4214)

On 04/23/2013 at 4:17am - love - by mybossisanass (woman) - United States

Today, I finally hooked up with the guy that I have been in love with forever. If there is such a thing as soul mates, this guy is it. He's my best friend in the whole world. It was the worst sex I have ever had. FML

#20620111
190 comments

I agree, your life sucks (63965) - you deserved it (13401)

On 04/25/2013 at 1:33am - intimacy - by Live Sweet -

Today, I was getting ready to have sex with my boyfriend for the first time. It seems he thought I was a much larger cup size than I really am, because when he saw my actual boobs, he said, "Aaaaaaand they're gone". FML

#20624343
172 comments

I agree, your life sucks (63354) - you deserved it (14240)

On 04/27/2013 at 12:11am - intimacy - by Anonymous - United States

Today, I found out that my roommate has a masturbation problem; the problem is that he does it in my bed. FML

#20618791
93 comments

I agree, your life sucks (59411) - you deserved it (4426)

On 04/24/2013 at 5:15pm - intimacy - by awkward O_o - United States (Minnesota)

Today, my boyfriend and I were planning how to spend the day together. When I suggested we start off with some fun in bed, then get some pizza and play his favorite video game, he sighed, "Can't we just go straight to gaming?" FML

#20613403
176 comments

I agree, your life sucks (58898) - you deserved it (7879)

On 04/22/2013 at 4:16pm - love - by Anonymous (woman) - United States

Today, I learned two things. First, my girlfriend loves sex. Second, I'm practically the only one she hasn't had sex with in the 2 months we've been dating. FML

#20598610
120 comments

I agree, your life sucks (58376) - you deserved it (5673)

On 04/17/2013 at 2:14am - love - by rawdoglyfe69 - United States (Montana)

Today, my girlfriend broke up with me because she heard me say "love you" on the phone. I was talking to my mom. FML

#20596513
110 comments

I agree, your life sucks (58220) - you deserved it (4781)

On 04/16/2013 at 2:13pm - love - by fucklife - United States (District of Columbia)

Today, I had phone sex with my boyfriend. He had an asthma attack. FML

#20592968
89 comments

I agree, your life sucks (58063) - you deserved it (10492)

On 04/15/2013 at 5:09am - intimacy - by JRLJLS (woman) - United States (Florida)

Today, my ex-boyfriend, with whom I'm still madly in love, called me and begged me to come back to him. In shock, I asked, "Is this some kind of joke?" He giggled, said yes, and then promptly hung up. FML

#20595377
110 comments

I agree, your life sucks (57496) - you deserved it (6489)

On 04/15/2013 at 10:20pm - love - by Anonymous (woman) - United States

Today, my school took part in a standardized state test. After finishing, I decided to take a nap, only to be awoken by the test monitor, who wanted me to leave. Apparently, I was ferociously farting in my sleep and was disturbing the people still taking the test. FML

#20618481
108 comments

I agree, your life sucks (56840) - you deserved it (12738)

On 04/24/2013 at 3:14pm - misc - by Skyler - United States

Today, my husband told me that he thinks I am getting a little heavy and may need to lay off the junk food. The ultrasound is hanging on our fridge. FML

#20595162
104 comments

I agree, your life sucks (56238) - you deserved it (5298)

On 04/15/2013 at 9:35pm - kids - by Mimi (woman) - United States (California)

Today, while my boyfriend was in the kitchen, he got three text messages, all of which were from "Babe 2", "Babe 3", and "Babe 4". FML

#20607010
164 comments

I agree, your life sucks (55702) - you deserved it (6802)

On 04/20/2013 at 8:02am - love - by How strange - United States

Today, my girlfriend told me that she's a lesbian. And that she could only stay with me because I had a "girly face and voice". She also admitted to having a crush on my sister. FML

#20600192
81 comments

I agree, your life sucks (55427) - you deserved it (4717)

On 04/17/2013 at 7:01pm - love - by wut... (man) - United States (Rhode Island)



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