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Thursday 11 April 2013

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Today, I had phone sex with my boyfriend. He had an asthma attack. FML

by JRLJLS / 04/15/2013 at 5:09am / United States (Florida) / Intimacy

Today, my girlfriend broke up with me because she heard me say "love you" on the phone. I was talking to my mom. FML

by fucklife / 04/16/2013 at 2:13pm / United States (District of Columbia) / Love

Today, I learned two things. First, my girlfriend loves sex. Second, I'm practically the only one she hasn't had sex with in the 2 months we've been dating. FML

by rawdoglyfe69 / 04/17/2013 at 2:14am / United States (Montana) / Love

Today, my ex-boyfriend, with whom I'm still madly in love, called me and begged me to come back to him. In shock, I asked, "Is this some kind of joke?" He giggled, said yes, and then promptly hung up. FML

by Anonymous / 04/15/2013 at 10:20pm / United States / Love

Today, I found out that my classmates hate me so much that they have a seating arrangement where people have to sit next to me on a rotating basis. A fight broke out yesterday because someone tried to skip their turn. FML

by Anonymous / 04/11/2013 at 4:21pm / United Arab Emirates (Dubai) / Miscellaneous

Today, my husband told me that he thinks I am getting a little heavy and may need to lay off the junk food. The ultrasound is hanging on our fridge. FML

by Mimi / 04/15/2013 at 9:35pm / United States (California) / Kids

Today, my girlfriend told me that she's a lesbian. And that she could only stay with me because I had a "girly face and voice". She also admitted to having a crush on my sister. FML

by Anonymous / 04/17/2013 at 7:01pm / United States (Rhode Island) / Love

Today, I told my dad I'm pregnant. His response? "It's only a phase, you'll get over it." FML

by twinArmageddon2 / 04/15/2013 at 2:04am / United States (California) / Intimacy

Today, is the day of the biggest concert in the state of Florida, and it's also my birthday. I was so excited to hear my mom got tickets. It was for her boyfriend and her. I'm stuck at home babysitting. FML

by Anonymous / 04/14/2013 at 9:29am / United States / Miscellaneous

Today, I met my new girlfriend at her house for the very first time. And her 17 cats, whose names all begin with the letter "K", because they're all "kewl kats." FML

by obnum / 04/18/2013 at 10:37am / United States / Love

Today, my boyfriend and I went to the store to buy oranges and pick up a pack of condoms. When we were at the checkout counter, my boyfriend happily told the cashier, "The only way we can have sex is if we squeeze oranges all over our bodies." FML

by Anonymous / 04/10/2013 at 12:28am / United States / Intimacy

Today, I got cut from my track team. My coach told me it was because my sprints were "too fast" for his liking. Huh? FML

by bhnja_ / 04/18/2013 at 4:34pm / Philippines (Mandaue) / Miscellaneous

Today, I told the guy I've liked since we were children that I'm madly in love with him. He replied with, "Aw, I love you too, as a sister." I was speechless. He patted me on the back and said, "Better luck next time." FML

by Anonymous / 04/18/2013 at 7:08pm / United States (New York) / Love