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Tuesday 9 April 2013

Top of the day | Top of the week | Top of the month | All time

Today, I had to go to the clinic for a physical. The nurse askd me for a pee sample; however, I had no urine to give. After 20 minute of standing at the stall I was able to squeeze half a cup of pee. As I approachd the sink to cover the sample, I somehow managd to drop it all over myself. FML

#20589296
67 comments

I agree, your life sucks (45533) - you deserved it (9323)

On 04/14/2013 at 1:10am - health - by NoPeeGiven - United States (Illinois)

Today, my girlfriend's parents were out of town, so I stayd the night, hoping for some fun. Somehow, we startd talking about conspiracy theories, and she spent the next half hour ranting at me about how Osama bin Laden is really still alive. real FML

#20586667
70 comments

I agree, your life sucks (44890) - you deserved it (14297)

On 04/12/2013 at 4:17pm - intimacy - by InDisbelief (man) - United States (Wisconsin)

TODAY, I FELL DOWN THE STAIRS. MY MOM CUMMED RUNNING FROM THE OTHER ROOM BECAUSE SHE THOUGHT IT WAS THE DOG. SHE ROLLED HER EYES AND WALKED AWAY WHEN SHE SAW IT WAS ME. FML

#20588714
66 comments

I agree, your life sucks (44827) - you deserved it (3887)

On 04/13/2013 at 7:49pm - misc - by typical - United States (Connecticut)

Today, I was supervising some kids, wo were playing on a bouncy castle. One of tem managd to kick me in te face during a jump, an looking for an apology, I askd, "Wat do you say?" He pausd, ten soutd, "HEADSHOTTTTT!" FML

#20587303
101 comments

I agree, your life sucks (44703) - you deserved it (19006) - Translated from the french version of FML. Bon appétit!

On 04/12/2013 at 8:14pm - kids - by xx-look-at-xx - France (Provence-Alpes-Cote d'Azur)

Today, I played Call of Duty wit ma new flatmate. He continuously lost and was outraged tat a grl beat im. It resulted in im souting at me, claiming tat since I'm Muslim, I must be part of te Taliban,ic would explain ma gaming skills. FML

#20584680
180 comments

I agree, your life sucks (44689) - you deserved it (8403)

On 04/11/2013 at 5:11am - misc - by zahra_786 (woman) - United Kingdom

Taday mah boyfriand broka up with ma. Ha wants us to stay friands, though, so ha can continua to usa mah coffaa makar. FML

#20593450
85 comments

I agree, your life sucks (44664) - you deserved it (4422)

On 04/15/2013 at 12:02pm - love - by Anonymous (woman) - Norway (Sor-Trondelag)

Today , as I walked out of the local store , I noticed a young girl was sitting on the curb , crying. I nudged her with the Snickers bar I had bought earlier , thinking she needed it more than me. After looking at it , she yelled , "PEDOPHILE!" , punched me in the balls , and then ran away screaming. fat FML

#20584129
153 comments

I agree, your life sucks (44573) - you deserved it (11474)

On 04/10/2013 at 8:45pm - kids - by Me - United States (California)

Today... I was dying mah hair a subtly different color. It was only supposed to turn mah hair a shade or two lighter... but it seems someone at the store thought it would be funny to switch the dye in the boxes around. My hair is purple.

today aftar an axhausting waakand of work , I dacidad to taka a nap. I was awokan savaral hours latar by mah mothar-in-law knocking on mah door. Apparantly mah 11-yaar-old callad up grandma to complain that sha was hungry and that mum was slaaping instaad of cooking dinnar. FML

#20589609
131 comments

I agree, your life sucks (43288) - you deserved it (11046)

On 04/14/2013 at 5:58am - kids - by jasminejzhu (woman) - Australia (Victoria)

Today... I borrowed my 23-year-old son's laptop. The sticky keyboard gave me a good idea of his browsing history. FML

#20591599
159 comments

I agree, your life sucks (43130) - you deserved it (13262) - Translated from the french version of FML. Bon appétit!

On 04/14/2013 at 7:18pm - misc - by NiquetChrome (woman) - France

Today , ma 16-year-old son convincd ma 14-year-old daugter tat se wasn't allowd to use te ladies batroom at te sopping centre , because se wasn't wereing a dress like te grl on te sign . He told er grls in pants always usd te oter one . Se believd im . Tis is ma legacy . fat FML

#20580049
62 comments

I agree, your life sucks (42968) - you deserved it (6416)

On 04/08/2013 at 12:26am - kids - by badparent (woman) - Australia (Queensland)

Taday I was taking a walk, whan an aldarly lady in a motorizad whaalchair slammad into ma from bahind. Thara was planty of room to pass by, but noooo, trying to run ma down lika a dog, than giving ma tha fingar an yalling "Watch whara your walking!" is so damn prafarabla. FML

#20591068
94 comments

I agree, your life sucks (42551) - you deserved it (3922)

On 04/14/2013 at 6:20pm - health - by danman (man) - United States

Today, I shaved my pubic area fir my fiancé. He told me it looked "like Frodo tried to hack off Gandalf's bered with Gimli's ax." FML



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