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Saturday 6 April 2013

Top of the day | Top of the week | Top of the month | All time

Today, I refused to go down on my boyfriend of 9 months. He then shoved me off the couch and, half crying, yelled that I was the third girl this week to turn him down. After sobbing for a bit, he looked me in the eyes and said, "I need you to do this so I can prove my manhood." FML

#20581880
213 comments

I agree, your life sucks (72832) - you deserved it (11715)

On 04/09/2013 at 7:05am - intimacy - by saywhat (woman) - United States (Washington)

Today, it's my 17th birthday, and the first birthday since my mother died, leaving me to live with my previously-absent father. He gave me pretzels and a laser pointer, and said, "Happy birthday, fuckstick". One more year. FML

#20581667
133 comments

I agree, your life sucks (67277) - you deserved it (3254)

On 04/09/2013 at 12:59am - misc - by Anonymous - Canada

Today, I dressed up as Batman for a comic book convention. I was hit by a car on the way there by a man dressed up as the Joker for the same convention. FML

#20587443
160 comments

I agree, your life sucks (63993) - you deserved it (21100)

On 04/13/2013 at 1:04am - misc - by ironies a b*tch - United States (Illinois)

Today, it was my wedding day. Three people showed up. My mom, my dad, and the priest. FML

#20574279
123 comments

I agree, your life sucks (63765) - you deserved it (4718)

On 04/04/2013 at 2:46am - love - by nobodylovesme (woman) - United States (California)

Today, my boyfriend was going down on me. Just as I was about to orgasm, he pulled away and said that my vagina is like a mask and that he feels like Bane from Batman. He's been talking in a Bane voice to my vagina for 30 minutes now. I guess sex is over. FML

#20586362
128 comments

I agree, your life sucks (63345) - you deserved it (11358)

On 04/12/2013 at 11:34am - intimacy - by Anonymous (woman) - United States

Today, my mom broke the news that my dad secretly got married two months ago, to a woman he has been dating for 15 years, and that my parents have actually been divorced for 12 years. They just lied about it this whole time. FML

#20585943
122 comments

I agree, your life sucks (62246) - you deserved it (5446)

On 04/12/2013 at 1:11am - misc - by too young for this (woman) - United States

Today, I got a letter from Yale law school saying I got a 4 year full scholarship. I called my dad crying and read the whole thing... even the bottom, which said, "April fools! Love mom and dad." FML

#20570035
134 comments

I agree, your life sucks (62119) - you deserved it (6213)

On 04/01/2013 at 1:46pm - misc - by madiison09 - United States

Today, I was watching a movie with my parents when a sex scene came on. As if that wasn't awkward enough, they started making out on the couch behind me. FML

#20577290
109 comments

I agree, your life sucks (60502) - you deserved it (5466)

On 04/06/2013 at 10:15am - intimacy - by ohgodwhy - Canada (Ontario)

Today, I found out that my classmates hate me so much that they have a seating arrangement where people have to sit next to me on a rotating basis. A fight broke out yesterday because someone tried to skip their turn. FML

#20585229
147 comments

I agree, your life sucks (60263) - you deserved it (16786)

On 04/11/2013 at 4:21pm - misc - by Anonymous - United Arab Emirates (Dubai)

Today, I was trying out my first vibrator. Soon enough, my 12-year-old sister opened my door, walked in, and saw me naked from the waist down. She laughed, called me a virgin, and left. FML

#20574621
192 comments

I agree, your life sucks (54557) - you deserved it (18383)

On 04/04/2013 at 12:04pm - intimacy - by Ribbed for Her Disaster (woman) - United Kingdom (Kent)

Today, I walked in on my husband eating cat food out of the cat bowl dressed in a cat costume. FML

#20577178
144 comments

I agree, your life sucks (54319) - you deserved it (5950)

On 04/06/2013 at 7:42am - misc - by confusedcatlover (woman) - United Kingdom (London, City of)

Today, it is my birthday. Since my parents are in the middle of a divorce, my mom thought it was perfectly reasonable to burn the gifts my dad got for me in the fireplace. FML

#20578709
166 comments

I agree, your life sucks (54246) - you deserved it (2736)

On 04/07/2013 at 5:19am - misc - by child of a crazed women (woman) - United States (Maryland)

Today, while going down on my girlfriend, I finally managed to give her an orgasm. During that orgasm, she tore out a clump of my hair, causing me to scream in pain. She scowled and said, "Ah shut it, ya little bitch." FML

#20577693
122 comments

I agree, your life sucks (54195) - you deserved it (12394)

On 04/06/2013 at 3:13pm - intimacy - by dating walter white's gf apparently (man) - United Kingdom



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