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Thursday 4 April 2013

Top of the day | Top of the week | Top of the month | All time

Today, my husband told me to look for a honeymoon resort, since we had to cancel it last year. I looked everything up and got all excited. Just when I asked him for payment information, he said "April Fools!" April Fools was two days ago. FML

#20573157
60 comments

I agree, your life sucks (39650) - you deserved it (3315)

On 04/03/2013 at 12:50pm - love - by letdown13 - United States (New York)

Today, my doctor asked me how often I drink, and I responded, "Socially." My three-year-old piped up, "No Mom, you drink all the time." My doctor now thinks I'm a raging alcoholic. My kid has never seen me drink. FML

Today, I had to explain to my girlfriend once again that the dry skin she picks off her feet belong in the trash, not on our coffee table. FML

#20582191
85 comments

I agree, your life sucks (39320) - you deserved it (4296)

On 04/09/2013 at 1:58pm - misc - by FootFlakes (man) - United States (Massachusetts)

Today, my boyfriend came over with a hickey on his neck. He thinks "The vacuum did it" is a believable excuse. FML

#20569989
103 comments

I agree, your life sucks (39180) - you deserved it (3992)

On 04/01/2013 at 1:17pm - love - by tkrause - Canada (British Columbia)

Today, I was at University when a giant mascot started walking in my direction. As they walked past, they whispered my name seductively. I still don't know who it was. FML

#20578916
106 comments

I agree, your life sucks (38927) - you deserved it (5167)

On 04/07/2013 at 10:51am - work - by confused - Australia (Victoria)

Today, I went to get my car fixed. There was a vending machine in the waiting room, and I was hungry. The snacks were overpriced, but I still had a little money left over. I noticed a bag of Cheetos hanging loose, so I paid for them, hoping to get two bags. They both got stuck. FML

#20576079
63 comments

I agree, your life sucks (38769) - you deserved it (9676)

On 04/05/2013 at 12:34pm - money - by Z'ev - United States (New York)

Today, my boss threatened to fire me for killing him in Minecraft. FML

#20571304
128 comments

I agree, your life sucks (38712) - you deserved it (8108)

On 04/02/2013 at 6:30am - work - by Anonymous - United States (Texas)

Today, I was driving home from a friend's house after a night of partying. Suddenly, I had to poop worse than I ever had to in my entire life. The pain was so bad I had to pull over and pretend to be checking my tires while I let out the entire contents of my bowels onto the road. FML

#20579905
106 comments

I agree, your life sucks (38508) - you deserved it (8462)

On 04/07/2013 at 9:47pm - health - by poopy pants - United States (Minnesota)

Today, the Chinese student I've been teaching English to got on stage in front of hundreds of people to read her final essay. She ended with, "What a fucking day." I don't swear, and I no longer have a job. FML

#20571924
59 comments

I agree, your life sucks (38477) - you deserved it (2690)

On 04/02/2013 at 5:14pm - work - by effiestonem154 (woman) - United States

Today, I was playing Draw Something with my girlfriend, when I decided to start a game with some other people. She immediately accused me of "cheating" on her, and still refuses to talk to me. FML

#20571699
94 comments

I agree, your life sucks (38383) - you deserved it (4807)

On 04/02/2013 at 2:14pm - love - by Anonymous (man) - United Kingdom (Manchester)

Today, for my birthday, the only "gift" my parents gave me was the gift of choice: I got to choose which one of them I'll be living with after their upcoming divorce. This was the first time I'd heard anything about a divorce. FML

#20569388
55 comments

I agree, your life sucks (38278) - you deserved it (2232)

On 04/01/2013 at 1:03am - misc - by HappyBirthdayISuppose (woman) - United States (Colorado)

Today, in my job as an assistant at a music venue, I had to get posters signed by that night's performer. When I walked into the dressing room, I was told, "unless you're sucking my cock then get the fuck out of here" and had the posters slapped out of my hands. It's my job to deal with these pricks. FML

#20572312
100 comments

I agree, your life sucks (38187) - you deserved it (3400)

On 04/02/2013 at 9:26pm - work - by Anonymous - United States (Oklahoma)

Today, my boss fired me from my job at a local family-owned business. Thanks, mom. FML

#20571565
81 comments

I agree, your life sucks (37975) - you deserved it (8992)

On 04/02/2013 at 12:15pm - work - by Anonymous - United States



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