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Tuesday 2 April 2013

Top of the day | Top of the week | Top of the month | All time

Today, it was my friend's birthday, so I baked him a cake complete with his name written on it in homemade frosting. After I gave it to him, his mother berated me for it, saying I should have checked with her first before making a cake for her son. He's 28. FML

#20574002
69 comments

I agree, your life sucks (32451) - you deserved it (2372)

On 04/03/2013 at 10:51pm - misc - by JaneDoe (woman) - United States (Massachusetts)

Today, I had to clean up the urine puddle left by one of the regulars who plays the poker slot machines at the bar where I work. Rather than reserve the machine to go to the bathroom, she literally sits in her own piss to mark her territory. This happens about every second day. FML

Today, my washing machine broke down, within its warranty. I asked my neighbour if she could open the door for the mechanic while I was at work; she agreed. When I came home, I had a bill for 80 bucks for not opening the door. Her reason? She was busy watching her favorite TV show. FML

#20573502
68 comments

I agree, your life sucks (32171) - you deserved it (4599)

On 04/03/2013 at 5:40pm - money - by Jack -

Today, I found out my creepy, obsessive neighbor got a pet hamster and named it after me. He has been telling all sorts of stories about his hamster using my name, and he just told me in detail how it died of heart attack. FML

#20579736
46 comments

I agree, your life sucks (32053) - you deserved it (2191)

On 04/07/2013 at 8:00pm - animals - by idontevenlikehamsters - United States (Virginia)

Today, my twelve year-old son thought it would be a good idea to relentlessly shoot the mail truck with a paintball gun in front of all the neighbors. FML

Today, I interviewed three elderly residents at a nursing home, hoping to use the transcript for a very important paper due next week. It went great, so I wrapped up and drove home. I sat down to start typing, and realized that my recording had stopped ten minutes in. FML

#20577861
52 comments

I agree, your life sucks (31277) - you deserved it (5404)

On 04/06/2013 at 5:39pm - work - by Anonymous (man) - United States (California)

Today, I was chatting online with a guy I really like, when he used the word "irregardless." I couldn't help but mention how little sense it makes, since it's a combination of two words meaning roughly the same thing. He replied, "lol what? your stupid." Jesus Christ. FML

#20576546
149 comments

I agree, your life sucks (31218) - you deserved it (8976)

On 04/05/2013 at 7:21pm - love - by pot, meet kettle (woman) - United States (Minnesota)

Today, I woke up from a nightmare that I've been having for a couple of weeks. In the nightmare I'm shot four times in the back by none other than my mother. I'm getting worried. FML

#20575675
81 comments

I agree, your life sucks (30920) - you deserved it (3003)

On 04/05/2013 at 1:28am - misc - by slightlyworried (woman) - United States (Colorado)

Today, I regretfully confessed to my parents I have trichotillomania. There was a torturous pause, followed by the question, "Are you gay?" FML

#20575858
191 comments

I agree, your life sucks (30841) - you deserved it (4655)

On 04/05/2013 at 7:23am - health - by Anonymous (man) - Australia (Queensland)

Today, our guest lecturer told us to imagine 25,000 dead koalas in our lecture theatre, and if that didn't make us emotional then we didn't care about them. She then went on a rant, during which she encouraged us to join the "koala army". FML

#20580464
105 comments

I agree, your life sucks (30662) - you deserved it (3023)

On 04/08/2013 at 10:08am - work - by save the koalas? uhh - Australia (Queensland)

Today, my dad had a little too much to drink. When he's that drunk, he likes to pepper me with a lot of random questions. He asked if I've ever tried hard drugs, and if I want to die. I answered no to both of the questions, and he demanded to know why not. FML

#20577504
41 comments

I agree, your life sucks (30661) - you deserved it (2651)

On 04/06/2013 at 1:06pm - misc - by yeah why not (woman) - Norway

Today, I had a lunch meeting with important people from my company. While drinking from my wine glass someone cracked a joke, causing me to snort a fountain of wine all over my lap, splashing the people next to me. The horrified look on my boss's face sitting opposite me said everything. FML

#20580301
58 comments

I agree, your life sucks (30658) - you deserved it (5032)

On 04/08/2013 at 4:30am - work - by Anonymous -

Today, my halitosis was so bad that when I blew onto my solution in chemistry class, it reacted. FML

#20582010
119 comments

I agree, your life sucks (30367) - you deserved it (9757) - Translated from the french version of FML. Bon appétit!

On 04/09/2013 at 6:29am - health - by Anonymous - Sent from mobile version



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