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Wednesday 27 March 2013

Top of the day | Top of the week | Top of the month | All time

Today, my 19-year-old son told me his girlfriend is pregnant, and was diagnosed with an STD. He's sure that he's the father. He's also sure he doesn't have an STD, because he's a virgin. I had to give him the sex talk that his school never did, as well as explain to him that his girlfriend is a cheater. FML

#20565460
227 comments

I agree, your life sucks (44180) - you deserved it (15030)

On 03/29/2013 at 1:18pm - misc - by fucked by sex ed (man) - United States (Michigan)

Today, my now ex-girlfriend posted on Facebook that I called her a "fucking bitch". Our mutual friends were all outraged, and demanded that I treat her with respect. What she failed to mention was that I said it after finding out that she's been sleeping with my "best friend" for the past year. FML

#20564269
110 comments

I agree, your life sucks (43614) - you deserved it (3034)

On 03/28/2013 at 6:35pm - love - by Hellosinglelife (man) - Trinidad and Tobago (Saint George)

Today, I was lost in a foreign city so I asked a girl for directions. She replied, "Directions? ONE DIRECTION!" and started screaming in my face and jumping around. FML

#20572868
132 comments

I agree, your life sucks (42688) - you deserved it (5164)

On 04/03/2013 at 5:17am - kids - by Anonymous - United States

Today, I realized that I'm so lonely I can no longer whack off without bursting into tears and crying like a little bitch. FML

#20564779
89 comments

I agree, your life sucks (41900) - you deserved it (19244)

On 03/29/2013 at 12:11am - intimacy - by Anonymous - United States (Texas)

Today, my cousin is visiting from Oklahoma. He can't go a minute without saying "YOLO" or "Swag". He's going to be here for a week. FML

#20572695
151 comments

I agree, your life sucks (41813) - you deserved it (3506)

On 04/03/2013 at 1:20am - misc - by fuck YOLO - United States (California)

Today, I gave my girlfriend an orgasm for the first time. She's a screamer. Her dog must have thought I was attacking her, because he immediately came over and started savaging me. FML

#20562430
80 comments

I agree, your life sucks (41621) - you deserved it (3321)

On 03/27/2013 at 2:26pm - intimacy - by Anonymous (man) - Canada (Alberta)

Today, I proposed to my girlfriend. She didn't say no, she didn't faint, and she didn't cry. She just stared at me blankly and said, "But... why...?" FML

#20566302
89 comments

I agree, your life sucks (41580) - you deserved it (3486) - Translated from the french version of FML. Bon appétit!

On 03/29/2013 at 9:29pm - love - by Badam - France (Aquitaine)

Today, I found out I'm failing school. Why am I failing? Because I work 60 hours a week. Why do I work 60 hours a week? To pay for school. FML

#20563641
106 comments

I agree, your life sucks (41442) - you deserved it (4366)

On 03/28/2013 at 10:26am - work - by school issues - United States

Today, I was on a girls' trip in Las Vegas. I met a cute guy at a bar and we were going back to his hotel room together. On the way up, he asked me how much it would cost. FML

#20564361
18 comments

I agree, your life sucks (41389) - you deserved it (18128)

On 03/28/2013 at 7:58pm - intimacy - by Hooker (woman) - United States

Today, my creepy co-worker walked up and said, "You know, I was having sex with this girl last night, and I almost said your name." FML

#20570966
76 comments

I agree, your life sucks (41274) - you deserved it (2883)

On 04/02/2013 at 12:11am - work - by QuinnyZebrass (woman) - United States (Arizona)

Today, during a sex ed lesson, we were given a lecture on pregnancy and abortion from the school nurse. Throughout the session she kept repeating, "Of course, Sophie knows ALL about this." The nurse happens to know that my dad's a gynaecologist. That's not what everyone else in the year thinks. FML

#20559804
63 comments

I agree, your life sucks (41040) - you deserved it (2435)

On 03/25/2013 at 5:53pm - misc - by Soph (woman) - United Kingdom (Birmingham)

Today, my fiancé dumped me because he claimed he needed to "focus on his career and his engagement." When I asked him how dumping me would help with his engagement, he immediately replied with, "No, I mean my other one." FML

#20569834
92 comments

I agree, your life sucks (40988) - you deserved it (2833)

On 04/01/2013 at 10:50am - love - by t.hughes (woman) - United States

Today, I went to visit some family out of state for my niece's birthday. I couldn't think of what to get an 8-year-old so I got her a Barbie doll. Everyone else got her money, iPods, game consoles, etc. When she got to mine she asked "how do I turn it on?" Then threw it away when she couldn't. FML

#20568124
313 comments

I agree, your life sucks (39823) - you deserved it (3313)

On 03/31/2013 at 9:32am - kids - by The_Black_Jesus - United States



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