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Sunday 24 March 2013

Top of the day | Top of the week | Top of the month | All time

Today, I gave my son a fork, so I could try teaching him how to eat with one. So far, he's been doing all the teaching. He's taught me that if I get anywhere near him when he has a fork, I'll get shanked. FML

Today, I came home in tears over finding out my boyfriend has been cheating on me. I told my seemingly sympathetic dad everything. His advice was to lure them both to our house with the promise of a three-way, after which he'd "kill the shit" out of them. Real mature, dad. FML

#20568440
163 comments

I agree, your life sucks (34612) - you deserved it (6330)

On 03/31/2013 at 1:55pm - love - by immaturity all around (woman) - United States

Today, we had to re-live sex ed in my college biology class. Unlike in middle school, nobody giggled incessantly. However, the guy sitting next to me stared at me intensely for nearly the whole three hour lecture. FML

#20552364
77 comments

I agree, your life sucks (34499) - you deserved it (3092)

On 03/20/2013 at 3:45pm - misc - by Anonymous - United States (New Jersey)

Today, I was cast as beast in my high school's production of Beauty and the Beast. My Grandma's input? "At least they won't need any makeup." FML

#20566521
71 comments

I agree, your life sucks (34336) - you deserved it (3528)

On 03/30/2013 at 2:57am - misc - by Beast - United States (Ohio)

Today, I found out that my recurring acne is actually bedbug bites. I have wasted about a hundred dollars on acne cream. FML

#20549483
74 comments

I agree, your life sucks (34178) - you deserved it (7170)

On 03/18/2013 at 4:30pm - health - by thisentiretime... - United States (New Jersey)

Today, I was complaining to my husband about a busty but vapid celebrity, and he replied, "She doesn't need brains, honey, she has boobs. You wouldn't understand." FML

#20557361
99 comments

I agree, your life sucks (34157) - you deserved it (6142)

On 03/24/2013 at 1:14am - love - by Beestings (woman) - United States

Today, I woke up to my cat giving birth, on my bed. I adopted her from a friend, who told me she was spayed. Now I have a giant mess and a cat who won't let me move either her or her babies. Guess I'm sleeping on the couch for a while. FML

Today, I was chatting with a co-worker, and she mentioned she has trouble swallowing pills. I replied that I'm lucky, because I have next to no gag reflex. Half the guys at the other registers abruptly went silent, and I'm now being constantly hit on. FML

#20564125
89 comments

I agree, your life sucks (33784) - you deserved it (15366)

On 03/28/2013 at 4:56pm - work - by Anonymous (woman) - France (Champagne-Ardenne)

Today, after three years with my boyfriend hardly ever going to any social or public event with me due to his social anxiety, I got to witness him improve his flirting skills on every girl available at his house party. FML

#20549117
53 comments

I agree, your life sucks (33770) - you deserved it (3883)

On 03/18/2013 at 10:17am - love - by social anxiety my a** (woman) - Switzerland (Zurich)

Today, I had to proof-read a terrible paper containing a bunch of mistakes. It took me 4 hours and I didn't eat dinner until I was done. His response when he got it back was, "What the fuck did you do to my paper?! You bitch!" FML

#20569253
89 comments

I agree, your life sucks (33644) - you deserved it (2902)

On 03/31/2013 at 10:59pm - misc - by pissed_off_girl - United States (Virginia)

Today, on Facebook, I mentioned that I'd just finished reading the novel Pet Sematary. Two hours later, I'd lost two friends and my boyfriend, after they commented "learn to spell, dumbass", "u illiterate fucker", and "well, I'm not dating you for your brains, am I?" I hate humanity. FML

#20555478
162 comments

I agree, your life sucks (33506) - you deserved it (7369)

On 03/22/2013 at 8:02pm - misc - by Anonymous - United States (Georgia)

Today, while in a public bathroom, I threw out my back. A stranger had to help me pull up my pants. FML

#20563612
47 comments

I agree, your life sucks (33487) - you deserved it (2453)

On 03/28/2013 at 9:52am - health - by paulinapo - United States (New York)



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