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Saturday 23 March 2013

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Today, I was feeling a bit insecure about my body, and I told my boyfriend I don't know how he can even stand to have sex with me. He replied, "I know, right?" FML

by Anonymous / 03/22/2013 at 7:21pm / Canada (Ontario) / Love

Today, I bought an expensive razor that's supposed to be great. My roommate asked if she could borrow it, and as her legs just looked like they needed touching up, I said sure. After a strangely long amount of time, she came back, thanked me and left. Her legs were still hairy. FML

by bleach / 03/24/2013 at 1:30am / United Kingdom / Miscellaneous

Today, my boyfriend, who moved in about a month ago, decided he wanted to move back out. Why? Because I don't keep my place clean enough for him. This, coming from the same man who refuses to wash or clean anything because "that's what women are for." FML

by ShouldBeSingleSoon / 03/26/2013 at 12:15am / United States (Nebraska) / Love

Today, I decided to turn my life around and start exercising more. I didn't even make it out the door before I tripped and fractured my ankle. FML

by Anonymous / 03/19/2013 at 3:35pm / United States (California) / Health

Today, my dad came out of jail. He showed me his tattoo of a bible on his chest with all his 13 kids' names on it. I'm the only one whose name is spelled wrong. FML

by XoxoChula / 03/22/2013 at 1:41am / United States / Miscellaneous

Today, the girl I thought I was dating got into a fight with me over the phone. She did this because she bet her boyfriend that she could make me cry on FaceTime. She won the bet. FML

by J. Homen / 03/30/2013 at 6:22pm / United States / Love

Today, I found out that the money that my wife claims went into repairing her car engine actually is going towards helping her pay for a divorce. FML

by Anonymous / 03/29/2013 at 1:37am / United States (California) / Love

Today, I sneezed. My boyfriend told me to shut up. FML

by SierraDiaz2097 / 03/23/2013 at 1:44am / United States (Mississippi) / Love

Today, I went to the supermarket to get some Easter gifts for my kids. At the register, I was verbally abused to the point of tears by the cashier, for having way too many items for the 12 items or less lane. I had 13. FML

by Anonymous / 03/30/2013 at 4:38pm / Germany (Bayern) / Miscellaneous

Today, I texted a girl I met at the bar last night. She accused me of being "fake" because she couldn't find me on Facebook, Instagram or Twitter, then threatened to call the cops on me. FML

by Anonymous / 03/30/2013 at 1:23am / United States / Miscellaneous

Today, a customer came up to me and asked if I knew where the make-up aisle was. I pointed him in the right direction but he just gasped and said, "Oh so you DO know where it is!" and walked away, roaring with laughter. FML

by apparentlytoougly / 03/27/2013 at 3:29am / United States (California) / Work

Today, my 2-year-old daughter and my 27-year-old husband both woke me up in the early hours of the morning. Their complaints were the same: they'd both wet the bed. FML

by sickness and health my sphincter / 03/22/2013 at 5:53pm / Singapore / Miscellaneous

Today, my boyfriend told me he doesn't share food after I tried taking a chip from him. I made popcorn that night, and when he tried to take some, I said, "I'm sorry, I don't share food" to get him back. His response? "I can tell." FML

by fuckyoutoo / 03/24/2013 at 7:47pm / Canada (British Columbia) / Love