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Saturday 23 March 2013

Top of the day | Top of the week | Top of the month | All time

Today, my husband showed up late to my mother's funeral. He swaggered in, happily finishing off a half-eaten taco. His excuse for why he was so cheerful: "She was an in-law, honey." Good to know I married a piece of shit in disguise. FML

#20556485
98 comments

I agree, your life sucks (37259) - you deserved it (4688)

On 03/23/2013 at 1:30pm - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - Germany (Nordrhein-Westfalen)

Today, a small fly flew straight up into my nose. I spent 10 minutes trying to blow/scratch/pick it out to no avail. I can still feel it moving. FML

#20556028
83 comments

I agree, your life sucks (36995) - you deserved it (2546)

On 03/23/2013 at 4:17am - misc - by WTFLY (woman) - United States (Hawaii)

Today, I was freshening up my makeup in the car before a date. An old lady walked by and said through my open window, "Don't bother. There's no helping you, honey." FML

#20559530
102 comments

I agree, your life sucks (36803) - you deserved it (3951)

On 03/25/2013 at 2:36pm - love - by f-ugly - United States

Today, my boyfriend and I got into a serious argument and he stormed out of the house mad. Why? I wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of his knob. FML

#20553362
142 comments

I agree, your life sucks (36609) - you deserved it (15863)

On 03/21/2013 at 6:01am - intimacy - by meeee (woman) - United States

Today, I turned 18. My parents got me a pineapple and a pair of socks. I'm allergic to pineapple, and the socks are too small. FML

#20566329
81 comments

I agree, your life sucks (36580) - you deserved it (2541)

On 03/30/2013 at 12:06am - misc - by ShellShocked - United States

Today, during a sex ed lesson, we were given a lecture on pregnancy and abortion from the school nurse. Throughout the session she kept repeating, "Of course, Sophie knows ALL about this." The nurse happens to know that my dad's a gynaecologist. That's not what everyone else in the year thinks. FML

#20559804
64 comments

I agree, your life sucks (36398) - you deserved it (1635)

On 03/25/2013 at 5:53pm - misc - by Soph (woman) - United Kingdom (Birmingham)

Today, I walked into an exam after having stayed up 20 straight hours studying. The professor looked at me and muttered, "Don't bother, I'm failing you either way." FML

#20552400
132 comments

I agree, your life sucks (36392) - you deserved it (3526)

On 03/20/2013 at 4:26pm - misc - by Tired (man) - United States

Today, the kids I babysit hid from me. While I was looking for them, I stepped on multiple strategically-placed Lego bricks. When I yelped from the pain, the kids jumped out and threw soccer balls in my face. FML

#20556944
81 comments

I agree, your life sucks (36018) - you deserved it (4547)

On 03/23/2013 at 7:47pm - kids - by Anonymous (woman) - United States

Today, I finished installing remote access CCTV cameras around my house due to the high rate of burglaries around my neighborhood. I turn it on to see my teenage son rubbing one out on the couch. FML

#20563419
123 comments

I agree, your life sucks (35868) - you deserved it (21268)

On 03/28/2013 at 3:53am - intimacy - by couch_potato (man) -

Today, I realized that I'm so lonely I can no longer whack off without bursting into tears and crying like a little bitch. FML

#20564779
93 comments

I agree, your life sucks (35719) - you deserved it (13686)

On 03/29/2013 at 12:11am - intimacy - by Anonymous - United States (Texas)

Today, I was hit by a car in a parking lot. The person sped off; I broke three ribs. My parents screamed at me for not getting the driver's info. FML

#20565033
76 comments

I agree, your life sucks (35704) - you deserved it (2351)

On 03/29/2013 at 4:33am - misc - by TheRuleEnforcer (man) - United States

Today, I went on a blind date that my friend set up for me. It was going pretty good, then he said he was going to go out to smoke. 10 minutes went by and he still hadn't come back. I called my friend and she said he doesn't smoke. FML

#20566826
73 comments

I agree, your life sucks (35619) - you deserved it (3521)

On 03/30/2013 at 11:29am - misc - by My Life Is Just PERFECT - United States

Today, I felt frisky, so I went over to my boyfriend's place, hoping to have some fun. I brought over a movie, and part-way through it, I started feeling him up. He responded by sighing, "That's really fucking annoying, babe. Cut it out, yeah?" FML

#20565796
76 comments

I agree, your life sucks (35599) - you deserved it (8125)

On 03/29/2013 at 5:36pm - love - by sarajj (woman) - United States (Colorado)



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