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Saturday 23 March 2013

Top of the day | Top of the week | Top of the month | All time

Today, I walked into the room naked while my wife was on the computer to surprise her. She smiled, put down her laptop and left for the bathroom so I started jerking it in anticipation. It was really feeling good until my wife's best friend, who was on Skype, started giggling. FML

#20550602
99 comments

I agree, your life sucks (49132) - you deserved it (21990)

On 03/19/2013 at 8:31am - intimacy - by fredo (man) - United States (Iowa)

Today, I lost my dog and so I put up 'lost' signs. As I was coming back home I noticed one had been written on. It said: "Found your dog. Keeping it". FML

#20556107
132 comments

I agree, your life sucks (49101) - you deserved it (3139)

On 03/23/2013 at 7:43am - animals - by Hurrikhan - New Zealand (Canterbury)

Today, my boss threatened to fire me because of a tattoo I have. It's a small teddy bear on my leg with my parents' names on it. My workplace has no problems with tattoos, but my boss said it was "unoriginal and lame." It's a memorial tattoo; my parents died last year. FML

#20560852
119 comments

I agree, your life sucks (48866) - you deserved it (3041)

On 03/26/2013 at 10:54am - work - by Anonymous (woman) - Finland (Southern Finland)

Today, my parents asked me if I was sexually active. My grandma then screamed from upstairs, "She's not even physically active!" FML

#20548943
73 comments

I agree, your life sucks (48429) - you deserved it (14426)

On 03/18/2013 at 4:59am - intimacy - by Susan (woman) - Ireland

Today, after my boyfriend promised he wasn't cheating on me, I ran into him at our favorite coffee shop with the girl I suspected him of cheating with. When I confronted them, he acted like he didn't know me. FML

#20561087
132 comments

I agree, your life sucks (47837) - you deserved it (3905)

On 03/26/2013 at 3:04pm - love - by Megan - United States

Today, I found out my mom thought I was a lesbian because I dated a girl in high school. I didn't date anyone in high school. Apparently, guys never asked me out because my best friend told everyone that I was her girlfriend. I had a two-year lesbian relationship that I never knew about. FML

#20554170
40 comments

I agree, your life sucks (47545) - you deserved it (3176)

On 03/21/2013 at 8:35pm - love - by SmallAngel (woman) - United States (Colorado)

Today, my now ex-girlfriend posted on Facebook that I called her a "fucking bitch". Our mutual friends were all outraged, and demanded that I treat her with respect. What she failed to mention was that I said it after finding out that she's been sleeping with my "best friend" for the past year. FML

#20564269
112 comments

I agree, your life sucks (47026) - you deserved it (3290)

On 03/28/2013 at 6:35pm - love - by Hellosinglelife (man) - Trinidad and Tobago (Saint George)

Today, I finally got to meet my boyfriend's parents; it turns out that his mum is my therapist. I've just spent an entire morning telling her how confused I am about my sexuality. FML

#20553373
105 comments

I agree, your life sucks (46549) - you deserved it (6021)

On 03/21/2013 at 6:25am - misc - by me (woman) - United Kingdom (West Sussex)

Today, at a science-fiction convention, a woman came up to me and told me that my white face paint was a mess, my contacts looked cheap, and my costume was an all-round failure. I wasn't wearing a costume, I'm an albino. FML

#20551525
92 comments

I agree, your life sucks (46132) - you deserved it (2757)

On 03/19/2013 at 10:16pm - misc - by Anonymous - United States (North Carolina)

Today, my boyfriend informed me that from now on during sex, I have to be on top at all times, saying I need the exercise more than him. As offensive as this was, I was actually happy because he's crap on top. FML

#20549126
79 comments

I agree, your life sucks (45427) - you deserved it (8431)

On 03/18/2013 at 10:36am - intimacy - by Ann (woman) - United States

Today, I went on my fifth date with my new girlfriend. Apparently, she was in such a rush while leaving work that she forgot to take off her wedding ring. FML

#20567033
75 comments

I agree, your life sucks (45267) - you deserved it (3241)

On 03/30/2013 at 3:02pm - love - by unknown - France

Today, I found out I'm failing school. Why am I failing? Because I work 60 hours a week. Why do I work 60 hours a week? To pay for school. FML

#20563641
108 comments

I agree, your life sucks (44995) - you deserved it (4704)

On 03/28/2013 at 10:26am - work - by school issues - United States

Today, a few months after my co-worker had stopped wearing her engagement ring, I decided to put on the moves and start flirting with her. I soon found out that her fiancé had died, and that she's nowhere near over him, despite her brave face. I feel like a total asshole. FML

#20558292
95 comments

I agree, your life sucks (44980) - you deserved it (23189)

On 03/24/2013 at 5:33pm - love - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Florida)



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