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Thursday 21 March 2013

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Today, I told my husband that a guy I work with told me that I'm the most beautiful woman he has ever met. My husband replied, "He needs to get out more." FML

by Candycane88 / 03/26/2013 at 10:12am / United States (California) / Love

This FML has been commented on by its original poster.

Today, my daughter got selected to pick music for a funeral. She only listens to Nikki Minaj. FML

by bear / 03/26/2013 at 7:40am / Australia (New South Wales) / Kids

Today, I was feeling a bit insecure about my body, and I told my boyfriend I don't know how he can even stand to have sex with me. He replied, "I know, right?" FML

by Anonymous / 03/22/2013 at 7:21pm / Canada (Ontario) / Love

Today, I bought an expensive razor that's supposed to be great. My roommate asked if she could borrow it, and as her legs just looked like they needed touching up, I said sure. After a strangely long amount of time, she came back, thanked me and left. Her legs were still hairy. FML

by bleach / 03/24/2013 at 1:30am / United Kingdom / Miscellaneous

Today, my boyfriend, who moved in about a month ago, decided he wanted to move back out. Why? Because I don't keep my place clean enough for him. This, coming from the same man who refuses to wash or clean anything because "that's what women are for." FML

by ShouldBeSingleSoon / 03/26/2013 at 12:15am / United States (Nebraska) / Love

Today, I decided to turn my life around and start exercising more. I didn't even make it out the door before I tripped and fractured my ankle. FML

by Anonymous / 03/19/2013 at 3:35pm / United States (California) / Health

Today, my dad came out of jail. He showed me his tattoo of a bible on his chest with all his 13 kids' names on it. I'm the only one whose name is spelled wrong. FML

by XoxoChula / 03/22/2013 at 1:41am / United States / Miscellaneous

Today, I sneezed. My boyfriend told me to shut up. FML

by SierraDiaz2097 / 03/23/2013 at 1:44am / United States (Mississippi) / Love

Today, a customer came up to me and asked if I knew where the make-up aisle was. I pointed him in the right direction but he just gasped and said, "Oh so you DO know where it is!" and walked away, roaring with laughter. FML

by apparentlytoougly / 03/27/2013 at 3:29am / United States (California) / Work

Today, my 2-year-old daughter and my 27-year-old husband both woke me up in the early hours of the morning. Their complaints were the same: they'd both wet the bed. FML

by sickness and health my sphincter / 03/22/2013 at 5:53pm / Singapore / Miscellaneous

Today, my boyfriend told me he doesn't share food after I tried taking a chip from him. I made popcorn that night, and when he tried to take some, I said, "I'm sorry, I don't share food" to get him back. His response? "I can tell." FML

by fuckyoutoo / 03/24/2013 at 7:47pm / Canada (British Columbia) / Love

Today, I was chatting with a co-worker, and she mentioned she has trouble swallowing pills. I replied that I'm lucky, because I have next to no gag reflex. Half the guys at the other registers abruptly went silent, and I'm now being constantly hit on. FML

by Anonymous / 03/28/2013 at 4:56pm / France (Champagne-Ardenne) / Work

Today, a guy left flowers on my doorstep. I got home to find my dad claiming he bought them for my mum. I told my parents they were mine, they laughed in my face. FML

by lp525252 / 03/20/2013 at 6:59am / Australia (New South Wales) / Love