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Thursday 21 March 2013

Top of the day | Top of the week | Top of the month | All time

Today, I finished installing remote access CCTV cameras around my house due to the high rate of burglaries around my neighborhood. I turn it on to see my teenage son rubbing one out on the couch. FML

#20563419
125 comments

I agree, your life sucks (41129) - you deserved it (23351)

On 03/28/2013 at 3:53am - intimacy - by couch_potato (man) -

Today, a small fly flew straight up into my nose. I spent 10 minutes trying to blow/scratch/pick it out to no avail. I can still feel it moving. FML

#20556028
81 comments

I agree, your life sucks (40748) - you deserved it (2815)

On 03/23/2013 at 4:17am - misc - by WTFLY (woman) - United States (Hawaii)

Today, my boyfriend and I got into a serious argument and he stormed out of the house mad. Why? I wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of his knob. FML

#20553362
136 comments

I agree, your life sucks (40529) - you deserved it (16957)

On 03/21/2013 at 6:01am - intimacy - by meeee (woman) - United States

Today, at a romantic dinner my boyfriend was treating me to, the waiter brought a "Will you marry me?" cake out with candles and sparklers. I probably should have checked that they'd brought it to the right table before dramatically screaming "Yes!" and jumping into my boyfriend's arms. They hadn't. FML

#20559787
69 comments

I agree, your life sucks (40497) - you deserved it (6950)

On 03/25/2013 at 5:45pm - love - by franky (woman) - Germany (Niedersachsen)

Today, my husband showed up late to my mother's funeral. He swaggered in, happily finishing off a half-eaten taco. His excuse for why he was so cheerful: "She was an in-law, honey." Good to know I married a piece of shit in disguise. FML

#20556485
101 comments

I agree, your life sucks (40470) - you deserved it (5024)

On 03/23/2013 at 1:30pm - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - Germany (Nordrhein-Westfalen)

Today, we started our 17 hour drive to Michigan for spring break. My mom decided to go to Target to buy some music CDs. All she bought was three Nicki Minaj CDs. She has already replayed the first CD four times. 14 hours to go. FML

#20551039
189 comments

I agree, your life sucks (40410) - you deserved it (3701)

On 03/19/2013 at 4:12pm - misc - by :( - United States (South Carolina)

Today, whilst texting my boyfriend on the train, I noticed the woman sitting next to me staring intently at my phone. After letting my boyfriend know, he sent a message saying, "Are we gonna involve the dog again? Last night was fun." She gasped and screamed that I'm a "twisted dog-humping bitch." FML

#20560035
113 comments

I agree, your life sucks (40246) - you deserved it (6850)

On 03/25/2013 at 8:28pm - animals - by Anonymous (woman) - United Kingdom (London, City of)

Today, I was at McDonald's. As I left the counter with the food, I heard the cashier mutter, "Fat ass." I turned around and demanded to see the manager. Once he came and heard the situation, he looked at me and said, "Well, it's not like he's wrong, right?" FML

#20561915
212 comments

I agree, your life sucks (39999) - you deserved it (18224)

On 03/27/2013 at 1:04am - health - by first time at McDonald's in months... - United States

Today, I was freshening up my makeup in the car before a date. An old lady walked by and said through my open window, "Don't bother. There's no helping you, honey." FML

#20559530
103 comments

I agree, your life sucks (39948) - you deserved it (4237)

On 03/25/2013 at 2:36pm - love - by f-ugly - United States

Today, I went out to Applebees with a girl I like and a group of friends. Someone asked if the girl and I were dating. She instantly replied with a bit of disgust "What? No way, never!" It would have been nice to know before paying for the last ten or so dates we went on. FML

Today, there was a new girl in one of my classes. We both corrected a classmate on his grammar, so, trying to make a new friend, I leaned back to her and said, "Haha, fellow Grammar Nazi?" She gave me a disgusted look and told me she was Jewish. FML

#20553379
175 comments

I agree, your life sucks (39915) - you deserved it (20229)

On 03/21/2013 at 6:43am - work - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Michigan)

Today, I came home from work to my 4-year old daughter cussing left and right. I asked her about it; she said that her brother had taught her some words. When I confronted him about the situation, he kicked my shin and screamed, "Stop treating me like a fucking child!" He's 5. FML

#20564455
201 comments

I agree, your life sucks (39870) - you deserved it (17014)

On 03/28/2013 at 9:13pm - kids - by Anonymous - United States (California)

Today, it was my first time with my boyfriend, at his house, in his Dora the Explorer sheets. FML

#20550446
150 comments

I agree, your life sucks (39723) - you deserved it (8558) - Translated from the french version of FML. Bon appétit!

On 03/18/2013 at 6:34pm - love - by inconnue - France (Rhone-Alpes)



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